Saturday, July 02, 2005

WHEN THE GAY HITS THE PAN

Needsung kez na ibera itez.

Isang malaking tsek ang booksiva ni Kitty Go, "When the Chic Hits the Fan". Haaaaaay. Maloloka kayez sa mga revelations at mawiwindang aver kayez sa kahuhula kung sinetch-sinecth ang shinutukoy ever ng lola naten sa mga entries niya.

It only shows one thing, na kahit na nasa ibang level sila, you know, the scions of Manila Society eh some of them eh the same as us. Or, in some cases,even lower.

Hahahahahaha!

Okay. Going back to reality.

Thursday night was "the" night.

I have to thank ISAO and Tinapa and some GMA folks for a great night. Na-launch na ren ang BADINGGERZIE in the (outside)blog world.

Kalowkah!

ISAO: (on VC) How honest could he get?

Chikahan portion about my current chervanezzence with Varsity Captain, at in fairness eh napag-isip akez.

ISAO: Ano na ba ang status 'nyo?

BERNZ: Uhmmmm well . . . pwede ba kaming mag-cool-off? Maski we’re still not "us". Well sort off, parang ganon ang situation namen.

In fairnezz, super jisip akez after that night. Truelsa clench naman na he was perfectly honest nung tinalak niyang bet niya akez para eynimomentz eh ma-ka-get-over na siya dun sa kung sinetchmang hinayupak na menchus na yon na kinaeenlababuhan niya. More weigh lang ng things:

WARLA AKEZ:

Because may others . . . .

HAPPY AKEZ:

Because he was honest (and he seems sincere naman)

WARLA AKEZ:

Witchelles ko yata keri yung concept ng may ka-share? Pwede bang I-postcard niya muna yung momentz niya with the "other" then go na lang siya kay watashi?

HAPPY AKEZ:

Witchelles pa siya giving up on me?!

Ang pinaka-daks na shornong eh . . . . sabi nga ni Evita . . . . "Where do we go from here . . . . this isn’t where we intended to be . . . . ."

At dahil diyan, I truly believe from the very bottom of my achy-breaky heart that HONESTY is next to POLICY and THEREFORE oilyness is NEXT to UGLINESS!!!!

OILYNESS is next to UGLINESS

After the coffee contingent in Chocolate Kiss, atak na kame ni Rica sa Government.
Of course, this is another endless night of veklores-watching galore.

Anyway, habang rampa galore kame ni Rica eh nag-ha-hybernate pa ren ang lola naming si Claude, super email siya sa aken and with his permission, share ko itez ang ka-bitterran ng lola namen. Choz:

Dear Bernz,

I don't know if it was the endless sunshine or the beach that made everyone so horny, but living in Boracay, I never had trouble getting laid. Sure, most of the guys are as dumb as a box of hammers, but it's not like you can make a monogamous relationship work anyway. So why worry about it?


Now that I live in Boracay (for God knows how long), where everyone likes to think they are more sophisticated (even when they're topless), I still haven't had any trouble getting laid. I have noticed, however, that even in an allegedly smarter environment, guys with more muscles and dimples than brains always get quick action. No one is scrambling to marry these guys, but I have to wonder: Are the rest of us too smart for our own sexual good? They say an unexamined life is not worth living, but upon further examination, I can't help noticing that people who lead unexamined lives seem to get laid a lot more often.


I don't think blondes have more fun, per se, but since blonde is code for stupid, I have to agree that stupid people do have more fun. From the get-go, people whose minds aren't cluttered with concerns about the damned Gloriagate scandal, the crongress' endless politicking or the abject poverty of our country probably find it easier to laugh at "PALIBHASA LALAKE" reruns.


Almost every week in Malate when I was still there, I had the opportunity to view the behavior of gay men up close. Not that living in Boracay didn't give me a lot of insight, but closet models, "male" celebrities and wannabe actors aren't considered a diverse cross-section of gay culture outside of a petri dish. With gay men from all over Manila in the streets' gutters and cramped bars, it was like a social scientist's wet dream, a crucible of bottled sexual energy.


With nothing to do but eat, drink and be Mary, I noticed, even among my friends, a dangerously rapid drop in brain power. I remember one night, we met one guy at the beginning of a wild party who was very attractive and seemed reasonably intelligent. By the time we gulped almost three bottles of San Mig StrongIce, he was borderline retarded, with the carefree personality of a Smurf crossed with a pool toy.


I have always thought that the experience available to us in all-gay circumstances like urban ghettos and gay vacations is like high school redux. Being in an all-gay environment creates opportunities to replay our past while allowing us to cast ourselves in new roles. Since nearly everyone in my general age range and older was in the closet in high school and missed out on a lot of the social machinations, being in this gay environment allows them to be the snotty cheerleader or football player they always wished they could be. Why come together as a community when there are geeks to be tormented?


Ever since "Charlie's Angels" ushered in jiggle television, the gay male population has jiggled right along with it. The macho man late '70s dissolved into the '80s' Soloflex guy and the 1984 DLSU Men's Gymnastics team. The circuit boys lead the dumb jock charge into the new millennium where drugs and unsafe sex are the new red badges of cool. Maybe it is all about the myth of straight guy seduction, where clearly the straight guy involved is so dumb he doesn't realize he is participating in gay sex. In order to fulfill their straight-acting destiny, it is imperative that gay men drop their IQ at a pace that would make the Microsoft stock price look like a leisurely decline. So forget everything you ever heard about the mind being the most important sex organ. It has never been sexier to be stupid.

Heaven help us all.

-CLAUDE

Dear Claude,

Ano burrrrrrrr!

Tino-torture mez na naman ang sarili mez. Learn kez, kaya umataksiva dyanchie eh for more reflection drama on the loose.

Eh from your emails and stories eh parang you're still the same bitter veklores only in a different place.

Huminga ka bakla. At magkape ka three times a day. Para nerbiyusin ka naman.

Wag ka kasi munang kumarir.

But then, kung meron, da vah? Join lang ng join.

Wittelles kez masyadong learn ang more eksena, pero sana makaatak akez dyan soon. Kaya, wag ka munang fa-flyback ditemch!

Fotah ka!

-Bernz

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