TO KABET? OR NOT TO KABET?

Di ko na maalala kung paano nagsimula ang nakakalokang araw na yon. Pa-fly na sana ako from the office pajuwelyon sa baler nang biglang sumulpot na lang si MHW sa lobby at tinanong kung learn ko raw mag-bilyar ara.

Chika ko naman, true! Learn!

Tapos tinanong niya kung pwede ko ba raw siya turuan.

Sabi ko … keri lang.

Next thing I know eh nasa may isang bilyaran na kami sa eastwood with matching isang bucket ng red horse on the side, habang tirik an tirik si Sunshine Dizon sa labasan.

Derm sa genitalia.

Nomuhan session muna. Di ko pa learn kung bet ba niya talagang magbilyar or naghanap lang siya ng alibi para ma-solo akembang! Echoz!

Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya. At first eh may awkward silence. Witchelles ko ren naman kasi learn kung anecklabu ang pag-uusapan namin outside work. I just realized na I don’t know much about him.

He has this certain “prim and proper” aura na parang may pagka-sakristan effect. Yung mga tipong parating naka-straight body. He never slouches. Whenever he moves, there’s this feeling na everything is very well planned. He has these calculated gestures. He never looks at me straight in the eye, though. Maski sa office napansin ko na yon. One … two … seconds, then he’d throw his gaze away somewhere.

Also, one thing I noticed about him eh parati siyang naka-dress up, almost like a uniform. Everyday, maski dress down days, eh naka white siyang long-sleeved polo na nakatuck-in sa slacks, then black shoes. Come to think of it, I have never seen him dressed up with something else.

So, super drink. Unlike me, I can drink straight from the bottle as long as malamig ang berangju, him, super ask pa siya nang baso, na super pinunasan niya muna bago isalin ang berangju. Every five seconds eh kumukuha siya nang tissue and wipes off his side of the table para matuyo.

Wala din siyang unnecessary movements like tapping a foot or fingers on the table. He’s very “salesmannish”.

“So, bakit naman gusto mong matutong mag-bilyar?” just to break the ice kasi eynimomentz eh parang isang dosenang anghel na naka-t-back ang dadaan na parang mga random strangers lang kaming nagkita sa isang kanto at nagkaayayaang mag-nomuhan session.

Sabi niya wala lang daw. He just want to learn new things.

Sabi ko naman, if he wants to learn new things eh pwede naman siyang mag-aral mag-ballet or kaya figure skating.

Napatawa siya nang slight. First time I saw him laughed at my joke. Pero yung mga three seconds na laftir lang then back to his normal self na parang isang malaking kasalanan ang pagtawa.

Tapos, out of the blue eh tinanong niya akez kung baket daw Washington akong lovelife.

As usual, sinagot kez ito ng mixture ng bittersweet sentiments about the undying quest for the “this is it”.

Baka naman daw mataas ang standards ko, comment ni kuya.

Oh well, binagsak ko na nga lahat ng standards at lahat ng quality control. Kahit sino na lang keri-keri na, patos-patos na! Kaso kahit ganun na ang mindset ko eh … wai pa ren. Negatibo pa ren ang eksena.

Silence of the lambs.

Nakatitig lang siya sa table.

“Dadating din yan for you, don’t worry!” sabay chika niya.

Anuveh! Parang gusto kong tumalon at mag-backward at magpalifting sa mga tambay don sa bilyaran na parang opening ng UAAP lang dahil sa talak ni kuya.

Sa totoo lang eh yun ang pinaka-nega na comment na naririnig ko tuwing ang lovelife kong zerowena ang pinag-uusapan. Kesyo darating din yan … kesyo … anjan lang yan … kesyo … I just need to be patient.

Che! Kung alam lang niya … parang ten thousand times ko nang narinig ang sympathy statement na yon. At parang paulit-ulit ko na ren sinabi sa sarili ko yon pang-konswuelo de bobo sa tuwing nabibigo akembang sa pag-ibig, pero wai epek! Wai true! Ayaw kong maging “hopeful” hopeless romantic! (contradicting di ba, pero parang ganun na nga)

I was about to react like a war-mongering blonde bitch nang biglang tumalak ulit si MHW.

“Totoo ba yung sinabi mo sa ‘ken the other day?”

“Alin ‘don?” Shempre maang-maangan naman ang beauty ko, pero deep inside eh I know very well what he was asking about.

“Na … you are concerned that I don’t like you ???”

Shet! Para namang nahulog ang panty ko. At betchay ko sanang tumili na parang wala nang bukas but then no! I composed myself.

“Yeah. I am … I am concerned ….”

“Dahil ….”

“Dahil … we will be closely working together for the next few months and …”

“Ayun lang ba?”

Shet! May something sa tanong niya habang nakatingin sa aken nang pa-ilalim. And I was caught in my own trap. At dahil jan …

“Why? Should I be concerned about something else?” sabay tanong ko. I don’t know, pero parang recently, eh ang hirap kong aminin sa isang tao na crush ko siya!

Kasi …. I might not like the response. Yun lang!

“I dunno … That’s why I’m asking you …” bera ni MHW.

At ayaw niya talagang magpatalo da ‘vah.

At dahil jan .. ubos na pala ang isang bucket.

So, shinorwag ko ang waiter to get more and more. Chika naman ni MHW na witchelles siyang malakas nomongga! Chika ko keri lang yan. Minsan-minsan lang naman.

So more berangju.

Ask ulit si MHW, “So ….”

“So what?”

May pagka-banidoso itong si kuya ah.

Deadma, chika ko, “Haha! Are you flirting with me?” with more laftir.

Witchelles niya nagets ang joke. Wa laftir from him, “No. I don’t flirt. Are you?”

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSH ….

Para namang betchay kong mag “Excuse me ma’am, may I go out …” Di ko kinakaya ang eksena niya.

Okay fine ….

“Because … I like you ….”

Ayan na! Doon na sumuko ang Bataan!

And then he lightened up …

More drinks and more buckets …

Plenty din naman ang napag-usapan namin. I learned a lot about him. He learned a lot about me …

Until nakalimutan na niya ang bilyaran portion.

And he was so drunk, he told me na … hindi na siya makakauwe mag-isa …

2 BE CONTINUED …..

*

Sometimes, we keep on looking for something and wanting it desperately, that when it finally comes, we’re so afraid to grab it because of the fear that we might lose it that easily.

Also, there are times wherein we can almost grab it, it’s right in front of us, but it has some excess baggage that makes us think to go for it or just run away. If we go for it, we will have to take the extra baggages that will come with it. We can’t throw it away. And if we run away from it, we might lose the chance of answering the “what ifs”.

They say that LOVE is UNCONDITIONAL … but what if the only love that you have right now is the one with “CONDITIONS”? Do we still call it love?