THINK POSITIVE (REPOST)

A night before Rica's big birthday bash . . . . .

"Bakla, di na ako nageenjoy . . . . " chika ni bakla habang nilalafang ang pangalawang whopper sa Wendy's sa Makati Ave.

"Baket naman?"

"Wala lang . . . everything seems to be superficial . . and empty. Parang walang sense," chika ni bakla with matching buntong hininga pa on the side. Witchelles ko lang learn kung ang buntong hininga eh dahil sa sama ng loob o dahil sa heaviness ng nilalapsalauriat niya.

Super sight lang ako sa friendiva ko for a minute. Jinijisip key kung anechiwa naman ang ichichika kez. I want to feel sorry for him pero parang di naman tama. Mas ma-ukani siya sa akin, mas maorwag ang estado ng buhay, at pagdating sa karera ng pag-ibig eh witchelles ko ren naman maichichikang mas lamang akembang eh pareho lang naman kaming zirowena kung tutuusin.

Naitalak ko na lang, "Bakla, exagerrated ka lang dahil alam mong tumatanda ka na."

"I'm tired of casual fucks . . . . . . I want to meet the right one . . . "

"Eh naghahanap ka naman kasi. Di ba katulad nga ng sabi nila . . . kapag pilit mong hinahanap ang isang bagay eh hindi mo makikita. At saka . . . saan ka ba nagbababad para makapaghanap ng right one? Sa Bed? Sa Government? Eh goodluck naman sa tunay na pag-ibig sa mga lugar na 'yon noh?"

Witchelles naman sa paninira or avratheng, I love Bed and Gov . . . they're like my second and third home . . . pero kung ang eksena mo sa buhay eh "love-hunting" eh witchelles ko naman yatang maipapayong doonchienabelles din shumoshombay si kupido para mamana ng mga ligaw na puso. Base na ren naman sa mga eksperhinsiya ni watashi noh! Let's take for example si Varsity Captain . . . nasightsiva ko siya Government. Yes! It's true! May moment nga kaming dalawa pero ang trulagen colagen sustagen na eksenachie ebok ala eh kung may napala ba kami sa isa’t isa?! Witchelles din noh! Dahil ang ending eh . . . . cry me a river pa ren ang eksena. Wai! Zirowena! Nada! Betlogs! Para pa rin akong si Sharon Cuneta na super singaling ng "Sanay Wala nang Wakas"!

In fairness naman kay Rica eh may effort. Nag-undergo siya ng isang total make-over na in fairness eh naging hottest namanchie siya after. Nag-lose din ng weight ang lola ko. Nagpabraces . . . nagpa chemical peel! Lahat lahat na lang ng mga kahibangang naimbento ng tao para magkaroon ng dyosa effect eh ginawa na niya. Pero until now eh hoping pa ren ang lola ko. So, I therefore conclude na . . it's not all about the looks.

Pagkashorpos ng lafangan marathon sa Wendy's na akala kez eh wai nang katapusan na halos ikinabaligtad ng sikmura kez eh umatakchinabelles na kami sa Tiananmen na ang pakay lang sana eh ang mag-occular dahil doonchinabelles niya binabalak mag-celebrar ng birthday niya kinabukasan. Pero ang occular eh nauwi din sa nomuhan session.

May-I-order agad ng isang bote ng Chilean wine si bakla at another set of lafang. Nahi-hearsung ko pa lang ang mga inoorderchina ni bakla eh najijisip ko na ang dyspepsia!

"Eh kamusta naman si Paul?" tanong ko kay Rica habang komportable na kaming nakasalampak sa mga unan sa Tiananmen.

Si Paul eh isa sa mga constant date ni Rica, na nakilala niya sa Gov. They've been going out for a month or two na yata.

"Okay lang naman. He'll go here later," bera ni Rica nang walang kaabog-abog.

"How about him? How's the two of you . . . . are you not working out?"

"Okay ka lang?"

Naloka ako . . . . . .

"I've learned something about him that made me want to make lipad na lang and live with the aborigines of Australia!"

"Like . . . . ."

"He's HIV positive . . . . "

Speecheless akey . . . habang may I continue lang sa pagnomu ang baklang Rica.

"Ayaw mong maniwala?"

Ginetching ni Rica ang waley niya at naglabas ng isang kapirasong papel. Isang photocopy ng HIV test galing sa San Lorenzo. Nasightsiva kez ang buong pangalan ni Paul at ang mga katagang "tested POSITIVE for HIV."

At saka hinarbat uli ni Rica ang papel at ibinalik sa waley.

Witchelles yata akez nakakurap non for a momentzzzzzz.

Ikinaloka ko ang eksena iyonchienabelles. Sa truelili lang . . . bago yong moment na yon eh parang dali-dali jisipin na 'you won't feel bad' . . . na 'you wont descriminate' . . . etc.

Pero witchelles kong bet magpakaipokrita and avratheng ha pero that moment eh pinilit kong irewind ang mga eksena na nakadaupang palad ko si Paul. Shet! Sabihin nyo nang ang bad-bad kez pero yun talaga ang najisip kez eh. Honestly, I've never been that close . . . I mean, lahat noon eh theoretical pero at that time eh I've stared at HIV na pala.

Nabalik din akez sa sariling katinuan and pulled back to earth after a few minutes. Jinisip ko na lang na witchelles ka naman talaga mahahawa kapag walang blood contact or unsafe sex. So far . . . di pa naman kami nageengage ni Paul sa neither.

Haaaaaaay. Kakalurkey!

"Don't ever tell him or make him feel na alam mo ha!" chika ni Rica.

Nag-promise naman ako though di ko surebelles kung mapapanindigan ko pa once na masightsiva kez uli siya.

Pero ang una’t huling katanung na jumosok sa isip kez eh . . . .

"Nagsex na ba kayo?"

Tumingin lang sa aken ng diretso si Rica . . . . . at sabay chikang . . . with all conviction . . .


"YES!"

Tumbling . . . . sabay cartwheel at split sa ere.

"Echoz lang mare!"

"Puta ka!"

"Muntik na kaming magsex . . . nung gabing yon . . . super foreplay na pero before we get to it eh chinika niya sa 'ken. Since, mabait naman daw ako at eh chinika niya sa 'kin na positive siya and gave me a choice kung betchay pa o di na betchay ang dookit scene."

"And then . . . . "

"Eh nawala ang urge ko eh so di na natuloy. He told me na usually daw eh di niya sinasabi sa makakasex niya na positive niya pero since yun nga na mabait naman daw ako eh he considers me as someone special . . . . inamin niya sa kin!"

Waddaf . . . . k!

"Meaning nakikipagengage siya sa unsafe sex?"

"To get even daw sa nakahawa sa kanya . . . . ."

Parang witchelles naman yata tama yon. Noong una eh witchelles kong bet magbago ang pagtingin ko kay Paul just because na positive siya and avratheng pero from what I've heard eh parang gusto ko naman yata siyang bigyang ng mag-asawang sampal at isang flying kick sa mukha!

Learn ko naman for a fact na nagiging plenty nga ang mga positive na badinggerzie sa Manaylus. It’s just a matter of being fortunate or unfortunate, kung minalas eh di malas. Learn kong sensitive ang entry na iteckla pero I might as well make chika dahil I felt bad from what I’ve heard. Yes! Tama nga . . . up to this moment eh I still stand sa point na witchelles dapat pandirihan or isegregate ang mga positive, dahil we’re still one and the same. It's still not right to look down at them pero . . . . bakit naman ganon si Paul?! He may have been suffering more than we do. There's no way of telling kung anechiwa ang mga nagaganap sa utak niya or sa utak ng isang positive for that matter. Given the fact na learn mey na na eynimomentz eh matitigbak ka na lang at unti-unting pagkatigbak itey. It must be hard . . . hard at HARSH talaga . . . . pero I don’t think na that’s enough reason to help spread the VIRUS around. Just because nahawaan ka . . . fine . . nobody wants it . . . and fuck the person who did that to you . . . pero still . . that’s still not a valid reason para gawing parang friendster ang virus na pag bet mo eh you’ll give another person a chance to have HIV din. I’m not generalizing lahat ng positive at di ko ren sinisisi sila for having HIV kase nga there’s no way of telling . . . . It’s just a matter of being 100% safe all the time.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Di ko na learn kung anechiwa pa ang ichichika kez . . . I don't know kung may magagawa iteyckla or whatever . . . . pero yun lang ang masasabi ko . . I hope my message gets across . . . Let's be safe mga sisters and brothers . . . . mura lang ang condom . . . bente-singko pesos lang . . tatlo pa . . . . and for positives . . . . nobody's preventing them from having sex naman at all . . . just keep it safe . . . and keep those people that you’ll have sex with informed.

Wag tayong maging bitter . . . wag tayong maging harsh . . . . le's think positive!



Original comments posted:

Comments posted on badinggerzie.blogspot.com:

nakakalurkey naman yan.tama ka naman jan. hindi justifiable na dahil nahawa ka ng sakit ay ihahawa mo na din. its bad enough na na positive ka, why spread it?? kaloka..kaya mga ateng, safe sex is the way to go! go go go for the gold!
jay | 03.05.07 - 9:38 am | #

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true. and since HIV takes a couple of months (weeks or years to others, depending on the leve of one's immunity), a lot of those who contracted the virus are asymptomatic (not showing symptons) and the only time they find out about it is when the virus infection becomes full-blown AIDS.

compounding this problem is the lack of HIV/AIDS awareness campaign in the country. and there are a number of factors contributing to this. for one, the church is not very keen on supporting the use of condoms. then you have politicians and the society in general turning a blind eye on the issue. and then you have our brothers and sisters who refuse to even discuss the topic.

i agree bernz. i feel bad for our brothers and sisters who got infected. they didn't ask for this. nobody did and nobody wants it. but if you have it, please don't be an instrument of its spread. on the contrary, pave the way to enlighten everyone that this is a serious matter that the nation must address.

i do not know what a positive person is going through right now, living with something that will eventually take his or her life. i can't pretend that i do know. but i believe that it's a hard thing to live with and i sympathize with their plight.

there is no 100% protection from STDs other than abstinence. and since absitence is hardly possible for most of us, then at least be safe when getting into the scene. if you can't feel the satisfaction with rubber, then be monogamous, you and your partner.

the choice is in each of us. undetected HIV that becomes full-blown AIDS gives you at most 9 months to live. early detection with ongoing medication gives you 10 to 20 more years, depending on your reaction to the medication. either way, being positive is not something to scoff at.

i still believe there is a cure, maybe not in this lifetime. but until there is a cure, each of us, whether positive or not, should do our share to keep the virus at bay.
icarus926 | 03.05.07 - 12:56 pm | #

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Tell your friend to visit the Tropical Disease Foundation. It's funded by the World Health Organization and Anti-retroviral drugs are provided for free. I'm also HIV+ but I don't believe in infecting others. I got three times. The first time it was negative. But the second and third were positive. So now, I'm under treatment. The treatment is very effective, but I almost developed full BLOWN AIDS.

Imagine, I've been really careful. But there are several ways that the virus can be transmitted. I still got it. So guys! Stick to one partner lang if you have to. I think I might have had it for years, it was just asymptomatic. Regular screening is important.

For more information email me at hivpositivemanila@gmail.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

I want to keep my name anonymous. But I'm willing to help anyone who seeks for it.
HIV | 03.06.07 - 7:35 pm | #

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Oh yes, the Tropical Disease Foundation is in Makati Med. They'll be opening an HIV clinic soon!

That's good news!

Thanks to people in the European Union and the Bill Gates foundation. They're allowing free medicines.

Anti-retroviral drugs can cost up to P100,000.00 a month without foundations like that.
HIV Positive but not bitter | 03.06.07 - 7:55 pm | #

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Nkakahawa ba yung HIV pag tsinupa ka?
gulat | 03.06.07 - 10:09 pm | #

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hello for the past week during my break at the office wla me ginawa kundi basahin ang blog mo. Im real girl nacurious sa mga bading at nasurf ko blog mo. Dati feeling ko yukky mga bading but after reading your blog nawala. Sabi ko nga sa New Zealander ko na officemate para pala kyo real girl if mag-express ng feeling.
You have done well expressing your feelings thru this blog.
Youre really good.
nzgirl | 03.07.07 - 6:55 am | #

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I know it's kind of sensitive but I have to ask - what do you plan on doing about Paul? Knowing that he's spreading the disease willfully to get even with the person who infected him - don't you think that you've taken on a responsibility (albeit unwillingly) to either talk to him to stop spreading it or talk to someone who can do something (as in, something concrete, ha).. Thanks
Homie | 03.07.07 - 7:42 pm | #

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HIV positive but not bitter -> you go! bilib naman ako sa yo. thats the right attitude. ibang level ka. hope i cud talk to you sometime.

nzgirl -> i appreciate that nabago ang pagtingin mo sa mga bading. mahirap naman kasing magstereotype.

homie - > i completely understand you concern . . but the thing is . . i am not that close to paul . . he is a friend of a friend . . . . and like what i said . . witchelles niya noseline na noseline kong positive siya . . . haaay. honestly. i dont know what to do. the least i did was . . told rica .. to tell him na . . hindi tama yung ginagawa niya.
badinggerzie | Homepage | 03.07.07 - 8:59 pm | #

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positive, normal, negative, minus.....same....sex.....be gay... and happy.
egay | 03.08.07 - 2:54 am | #

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I think Rica should, at the very least, give feedback to Paul about your concerns (shared with the other readers here) about spreading HIV to "get even".

Even if Paul disagrees that exposing others to a deadly virus is an irresponsible and selfish act, at least he's been told--hopefully firmly--about it. Maybe one day he'll change his mind.
McVie | Homepage | 03.08.07 - 8:04 am | #

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true ka ate!

safe sex always dapat ang drama.

sa panahon ngayon, bawal magkasakit.

andyan ang virus pro keri naman nating gumawa ng paran para hindi natin ito ma-haves.

kay paul, darkness sya. yun lang.
eon | Homepage | 03.08.07 - 5:01 pm | #

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OMG, scaredness naman kasi parang we're staring at HIV right in front of us na pala minsan tapos hindi natin alam. Feeling kasi natin we're invincible. No discrimination whatsoever. It's just scary lang talaga iyong sakit. Hope we find a cure. Hay. OMG din iyang paula na iyan ha...
evolve | 03.09.07 - 2:21 am | #

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5 mL of any body fluid pag napasa sayo, doom. HIV
okla | 03.11.07 - 8:49 am | #

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The growing number of HIV-infected people in the country may also be due to the lack of awareness. I used to work for WHO, and until now I stand by my opinion that even if you flood the clinics of free medication, if the people are not educated about the hard facts of HIV/AIDS and how it is contracted, it's no use. The donors will just have to donate more meds.
Redjeulle | Homepage | 03.12.07 - 8:51 am | #

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i wonder... hindi ba pwedeng i-report sa DOH ang nangyayari/ginagawa ni Paul? Alam ko, walang enough proof.. pero siguro kung may mag-i-intervene for him baka magliwanag pa ang pananaw nya.

...or something like that, vah...
ate sienna | Homepage | 03.12.07 - 12:02 pm | #

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natakot ako bigla sa hiv postive guy na un

pano kung naksex ko na un?

tsk tsk!

safe sex tlga dpat lagi or better yet abstinence

magshow na lang sa cam nyeta!

nice blog btw
turismoboi | Homepage | 03.15.07 - 10:28 pm | #

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Bigla ako natakot. But thanks for posting that entry, Mareng Bernadette. Salamat din sa mga nagpost ng comments sa itaas. I admire your courage and willingness to help other people.
Housewife | Homepage | 03.18.07 - 1:28 am | #

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malorkey naman akesh
emman | Homepage | 03.22.07 - 2:12 am | #

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scariness itu
pero may solution
bryan | Homepage | 03.22.07 - 4:27 am | #

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hi badinggerzie. share ko lang, im based here in canada for over a year now, just a few weeks back sa news dito, me ilang individuals ang nakulong for 5-10 years for inflicting the HIV various through unrprotected sex esp if its intentional. Im sure wala pang ganyang law sa atin, pero im really hoping na magkaroon din. I tried to understand Paul's side regarding his actions, pero kahit anong gawin ko, i cant find any valid reason kung bakit kailangan nyang manghawa. I pity those people na possibleng nahawahan na nya ngayon. bottomline, practice safe sex talaga. yun lang, hehehhe :D
rayms | 03.23.07 - 9:50 am | #

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PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THIS IS A DANGEROUS SCENARIO. IM A NURSE AND THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH MANDATES US TO REPORT EVENTS LIKE THIS THAT WILL ENDAGER THE HEALTH OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC. IT IS A CLEAR AND A PRESENT DANGER. IT WILL REALLY BE A BIG HELP TO THE GAY COMMUNITY IF YOU DIVULGE THE COMPLETE NAME OF PAUL SO THAT HIS INTENTION OF HARMING OTHERS CAN BE CONTAINED... PLEASE,MALI ANG GINAGAWA NYA NA PAGHAWA SA IBA. IF YOU DO THIS, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE MANY LIVES.
ely | 03.28.07 - 6:58 am | #

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