Third Sex in the City

THIS IS TOO MUCH

2010-11-14T06:05:00.000-08:00

See the sanitized version of me:

http://toomulch.blogspot.com

KING COBRA

2010-03-10T01:05:00.000-08:00

Sa truelili lang eh witchelles akembang naging super fan ng gay bars – as in yung haves ng mga dancur effect. Ewan ko ba, witchelles lang siguro akey namulat sa ganuong kultura.

Sa tanan ng kabaklaan kez eh tatlong beses pa lang akez nakaatak ng gay bar.

Yung una eh yung 18 years old palang akez non at isang coming of age gift lang sa akin ng isang older heterosexual menchus na jinsan-ara kez. Naloka ako sa concept. Sa mga panahon na iyon, ang tanging batayan ko lang ng gay bar at macho dancers eh ang pelikulang SIBAK at ang MACHO DANCERS ni Lino Brocka.

Witchelles naman akey nalurkey nang bonggang-bongga. So, haves lang ng mga lulurking naka-pukiy shorts, nakakalokang Botswana na dadaigin pa ang mga majorette, na super dance galore lang sa stage sa himig ng “Til Death Do Us Apart” ng White Lion.

After that na-realize ko lang na I’m not a gay bar gay type.

Pangalwang atak ko eh around five years ago. Inaya lang akey ng mga bilat work friends at umatak kami sa isang gay bar sa may Betty Go Del Monte. Witchelles ko rin naman na-enjoy at witchelles ko ren na-betty Go Del Monte ang eksena dahil more bilat-bilatan portion ang entourage.

At ang pangatlong atak kez eh last week lang.

Dahil depress-depressan nga ang drama ko with MHW, I decided to take a five-day vacay leave from work.

So, Claude, Kiara, Rica, Jessica and me decided to have an impromptu retreat and go to Subic.

During our last day, dahil sa naubusan na kami ng reli, parang everybody agreed na mag-gay bar na lang. At first, it came out as a joke until everybody agreed na it’s not really so much of a bad idea.

Nakarating kami sa outskirts ng Subic dahil na ren sa recommendation ng isang friendiva na taga-don. Medyo ngarag na raw kasi ang beauty ng mga dancurs ng mga gay bar sa city proper kaya super atak kami sa isang far-away place hanggang sa nakarating kami sa “King Cobra”.

Nag park kami sa tapat ng establishment. Pero witchelles pa kami bumaba. For five minutes eh nagdedebate ang mga baklaire kung go ba or not go even though learnt naman naming sa isa’t isa ay may kanya-kanyang kilig sa mga virtual tinggil ang pinipigil.

So hayun na nga, nagbabaan din ang mga badinggerzie. Atak kung atak!!!

Bago pa kami makajosok eh nakahearsung kami ng dalwang buzz. Later on, I learned na may mga super buzz effect pala na eksena pag may bagong kyostomer … at pag dalawang buzz daw eh kyostomer na haves ng karumba. Kalurkey ang concept.

It was a weekday pero nakakaloka ng slight dahil medyo plenty ang utawsingbelles … pero more ang bilat. Ganito na siguro ang kalakaran sa gay bars, more bilat kyostomers ang labanan. Eh baket wit na lang showraging girl bar da ‘vah?

Pagjosok namin eh may isang menchus ang super dancerette sa stage. Super indayog si kuya na parang walang verterbrae at parang uod na binudburan ng asin. Although, witchelles naming betchay si kuya dahil medyo thunders at haves ng mga unwanted fats eh pinagpilitan naming jumupostrax sa super harapan ng stage. Sayang naman ang pinunta namin dun kung witchelles naming mae-enchance ang mga umeeksena.

Sa truelili lang eh wala naman akez masyadong ineexpect. Same old – same old and I know na nothing astonishing will come up. Talagang trip trip lang.

So more nongga and more watch nang nagpapapalit palit ang mga dancurs. Iba-iba ang mga fezlack. Iba-iba ang shortawan pero pare-parehas ang dance steps.

Hanggang sa na interrupt ang show nang mga dalwang veklores ang tumuntong sa stage at nagchikang, “this is the time that you have been waiting for?”

Shinorwag nila ang mga menchus sa stage at nag-line up ang mga kuya.

Ang eksena pala eh more pilian portion na kung sinetch ang bet na i-table.

Naloka kami sa line up kasi may mga nag-appear na mga jugets na witchelles pa naming na-sight na mag-dance.

Kami lang ang nilapitan ng mga becky para mamili ng dancur.

At first eh super laftir lang kami sa eksena, pero nahulog naman bigla ang matres ko ng super sight sa min ang mga menchus especially yung mga bagets na kalalabas lang. Mga tipong napag-utusan lang ng mga magulang na bumili ng suka at ang ending eh nag-sayaw na sa bar. More freshness ang labanan.

So, for the sake of fun eh ang trip-trip namin was notched up a level higher. We decided na i-table naming ang mga bagets.

TO BE CONTINUED …

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

2010-02-28T00:58:00.000-08:00

I know that this might be a little delayed, pero kiver!

February 14, 2010 – bonggang bonggang hung over. Betchay ko lang palipasin ang araw na iyon nang nakahiga sa kama at mabyorlog nang 48 years. Ganun naman siguro talaga ang eksena kapag single ka at medyo abs bitter herbs capsule ang drama mo sa buhay tuwing Valentine’s day eh parang gusto mo na lang kainin ng lupa.

Ang isa pang nakakaloka eh ang bonggang-bonggang mga text messages na nare-receive mo greeting you a Happy Valentine’s day. Kung lukaluka lang siguro akembang eh pinagsasagutan ko ang lahat ng mga text nang “Hindi nga happy eh … hindi happy!”

Pero ang pinakanakakalokang text na nashonggap ko eh from MHW: “Hi Bernz, happy valentine’s!! Hope your doin fine. Sana pansinin mo na ulit ako. Friends pa ren naman tayo di ba?”

Tambling!

‘Nung first time na na-sightchinabelles ko siya with his jowaers morrisette na nagsusubuan ng spaghetti sa McDonalds na halos ikinabaliwag bulacan kez eh I decided na witchelles ko yata talaga kering maging kabitseena.

Pwede kong ichikang super happy ako pag magjointlackles kami sa mga eksena. Pwede ko reng ichika na walang selos factor na involved at witchelles ako magdedemand nang something pero witchelles. Habang tumatagal eh lumalala. Witchelles ko naman yatang betchay na dumating sa point na papipiliin ko siya between me at sa legal wife at ang ending eh uuwi lang akong luhaan with a consolation prize, bitbit ang majiit na bouquet na punung-puno nang angel’s breath.

Najisip kong pag kabitseena ka eh hanggang first runner up lang talaga ang beauty mo at wala sa iyo ang korona.

Pinilit ko na talagang tapusin ang lahat. I thought I was ready to let go.

Shinutol ko na ang lahat nang koneksiyon namin sa office. Witchelles ko na rin pinapakealaman kung anu man ang ginagawa niya.

Tapos biglang babatiin niya akembang ng “Happy Valentine’s Day” …. nyeta! Learn ba niyang witchelles happy ang Valentine’s ko because of him. Ampf!

FOURTH STAGE: DEPRESSION

2010-02-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

I have thought not only twice but thrice about blogging about this. But before anything else, I just want to make a disclaimer, I am too sad to blogginderzie this post. Now, if you are looking for fun and something to laugh at and you don’t want to succumb to my cries of desperation and pathetic nuisances … then I would strongly suggest that you close this blog and skip to another site or do something awful to someone.

I guess that it is still always easy to start with how you are feeling when you want to blog about something. Well, I’m hurt right now ….maybe hurt is a bit of an understatement … try devastated. Okay, so I’m a bit devastated. I would really want to tell why and write down the entire story here but I don’t think that I have enough strength and courage to do that without slashing my wrists or jumping out of my window.

My abominable mother has relentlessly reminded me that this day would come. Well, I’ve experienced this day before, a couple of times …. I’m experiencing it right now, which does not really make me feel less hurt …. and I bet my skinny ass and my 25inch waist that I will continue experiencing this time and time again.

The feeling has always been the same only the names and the faces of the people causing this constantly change.

I will not forget that day when my mother and I are setting up the table for a family dinner, when she said, “Kung pipiliin mong maging ganyan (bading) …. Kailangan mong tanggapin na tatanda ka nang mag-isa. Gusto mo bang tumandang mag-isa?”

I didn’t answer and I just shrugged my shoulder. At that point, I really didn’t think of my mother as a good resource speaker when it comes to homosexual life. I just thought that she perhaps was just playing tricks on me as she always does, like when I was five, she keeps on telling me that if get wounded, a train will come out of the wound. Well, I surely got wounded, but no train came out, that ruined my mom’s credibility.

Now, when these sad moments come to me, I always have the inkling to look back and play the “what if” game in my mind. What if I will be given the chance to turn back time and go back to the point wherein I have to choose between the Gay & Fabulous Avenue and the Straight & Dull Boulevard, would I be choosing differently?

One part of me says yes …. But a bigger and a more flamboyant part of me says “Hell NO!”.

So, I just need to live with it. Yesterday, I felt a throbbing pain from a space underneath my rib cage where a heart is supposed to be strategically placed, when MHW didn’t text me.

For the past five days, we have been constantly having lunch together.

In the middle of the day, he would text me and tell me that he will go out to grab lunch … “WANNA COME?”. At first, I hesitated. Again, it’s the foolishness and the idea of being a querida creeps into me like a humid breeze in a sunny El Nino afternoon. But my attraction towards him had grown into something inexplicable. I have bargained and I accepted the consequences (and so I thought).

So regardless of whatever I was doing within those days, when MHW texts, I’ll either have to sneak out of a meeting or cancel everything all throughout, go out, meet him somewhere discreet and enjoy our stolen moments.

Thursday night, I blurted out something to him that I shouldn’t have had. I told him how I enjoy his company and like how things are working out for the two of us. Then, he threw a very weird gaze at me as if I have just spoken in an unfamiliar language.

I curled into a defensive mode and told him that I am not expecting anything deeper and more serious than this and that I know that we’ve known each other “personally” for a very short span of time.

Then, he finally spoke. “Bernz, as much as possible, I want this to continue and I want to get to know you more .. but …”

Yeah! There you have it! There should always be a “but”! There MUST always be a “BUT”!

I stopped him in mid-sentence, “I don’t want your “as much as possibles” …. we can go on like this and for you, I am willing to be the second …… the third …. or even the fourth best!”

And that’s when the SHIT hits the pan.

He just smiled, then touched the back of my head and caressed it like a father does to his two year old son.

But what can I do? I always tend to be vulnerable to this … I always develop feelings for people whom I am not supposed to develop feelings to. Because whenever I do … I always end up either hitting a prick (brick) wall or pulling my hair out of my scalp.

So, yesterday, I have waited patiently for his text at around lunch time and no text came in. After thirty minutes, I stepped out of my aquarium and looked for him. Somebody said he already left for lunch.

My inner-self have warned me against what I will have to do next. But I still did. I went down and looked for him.

It just took me around five minutes to find him. And there he was in a fast food eating with (I assumed to be) “THE LEGAL WIFE”.

I was looking from a couple of meters away and felt as if a bee stung me. I was paralyzed for a moment, I can’t move and I can’t even think.

I just turned my back and walked away.

RICA, being a very good and sympathetic friend told me through text, “Why would you be hurt? Did he even become yours?”

I replied, “You don’t need to have or own someone, in order for that someone to hurt you.”

We are incessantly being hurt by people, hell, we are being hurt by people that we don’t even freaking like. Hurt and pain is inevitable ….. and for a faggot like me … it comes in trenches … it amplifies to the point of depression, suicidal tendencies and pathetic musings such as this.

The question …. “HOW COME NOBODY LOVES ME?” ….. always come to mind.

But at the end … you will have to make a choice … let yourself be affected by it … do something about it … or just move on ….

THIRD STAGE: BARGAINING

2010-02-01T01:07:00.000-08:00

Isang buong linggo akong parang wala sa huwisyo. Part na ren siguro yung pagka-imbernackles ko kay MHW at sa samu’t saring pressure sa workikay. Sa mga oras na ganito ay super wish akez na sana eh naging beauty queen na lang akez for more effortless galore.

Friday shift eh I got an invitation from one of the bilat managers na di ko naman masyadong close sa office, may birthday celebration daw siya somewhere in Makati, Saturday night.

Chika ka witchickles ko pa sureness kung makakaatak akez. Parang the last thing I have in mind eh to spend my weekend off with officemates. Kasi parang useless, for sure eh work at work pa ren ang pag-uusapan at wala akong peace of mind na ma-achieve.

Pinipilit ako ni Anna na pumunta. Sabi niya everyone is going daw.

Akez naman. Derm!

“No! As in EVERYONE!” chika niya sabay tingin kay MHW na nagmumukmok lang sa station niya.

“Alam ko namang lahat ng rampage na you’re doing right now against MHW is nothing but a simple papansin!”

For the record, eh wai pang idea si Anna or anyone in office about that “afternoon delight”, as far as they know, eh parang deads na deads lang ang drama ko kay kuya.

So I finally decided to join the birthday party.

A couple of hours before the party eh paran na-excite naman ako nang slight.

EXPECTATIONS:

Siyempre parang bet ko namang magpakaglamorosa at magpaka-engrande, it even crossed my mind na magpa-parlor at magpasadya ng gown kay Paul Cabral, but then, dahil sa kapos sa oras eh deadma. I’ll settle for jeans, loafers, white shirt, jacket.

I’ll arrive fashionably late. Para namang hindi halatang masyadong excited.

Pagdating sa party. More chika-chikahan portion. Lafang-lafangan portion. Nongga-nonggahan portion.

But all along eh nasa peripheral vision ko si MHW, walang kausap sa isang sulok pero panay ang nakaw nang tingin sa akin.

Akez naman, dapat naka-timing ang hawi ng hair, ang pag-isolate ng leeg, ang pag-pout ng lips at ang pagtaas ng kilay na parang nasa isang couture na photo shoot.

Hindi ko siya papansinin hanggang sa makakahanap siya ng time na maso-solo niya akembang.

Lalapitan niya akez. May mga kabog akong mararamdaman sa dibdib ko na parang may mga kabayong nag-uunahan pero witchelles ako magpapahalata.

Compose … compose … i-channel si Miriam Quiambao.

Pagkalapit na pagkalapit niya eh titingnan niya muna ako habang super wet lang ako ng lips. Sabay shushorlak siya nang, “Bernz! I would like to apologize for whatever I did. I didn’t mean to hurt or disappoint you.”

Akez naman eh i-iiwas ang tingin sa kanya. Titingin sa malayo sabay deadma pa ren.

“Bernz! What happened between us could have been a mistake. Pero ginusto ko yon. Can you forgive me? I like you a lot. I have already broken up with my lover. Matagal kong pinag-isipan ito. Pero now, I am ready. Pwede bang mag-start tayo all over again?”

Ibabalik ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. May mga ngiting namumuo sa labi pero pinipigilan pa ren na mahalata. Titingnan ko lang siya. Hindi siya nagsisinungaling. May sincerity ang lahat ng sinasabi niya. Shet! This is it! This is really really it!!!

And then, we will live happily ever after.

Pero sa totoong buhay, hindi lahat nang ineexpect na mangyari eh talagang nangyayari at pwedeng mangyari.

So ano talaga ang nangyari?

I arrived fahionably late pa ren. But when I arrived, wala pa don si MHW.

More chika-cika. More lafang-lafang. More nongga-nonnga.

Kada bukas ng door eh super-sight naman akez, hoping na si MHW na yon.

Hanggang sa napagod akez sa kahihintay. Shet! Baka hindi naman siya pupunta.

Bumaba kami ni Anna para bumili ng bugarette. Wala na ko sa mood. Sana pala eh nasa bahay na lang ako at nanunuod ng Maalaala Mo Kaya.

Pero pagbalik namin sa hotel eh muntik nang lumundag ang puso ko ng biglang humabol si MHW sa elevator papaakyat.

Binati niya si Anna. Binati siya ni Anna.

Sa akin. Deadma.

Pagdating sa room eh parang lahat naman eh na-excite nung dumating na si MHW. Nyeta! Alam kaya ng mga bilat na badinggerzie din si kuya?

More nongga.

Hanggang na-realize kong nag-iisa na lang akong nag-momorenums na nakaupo sa sofa while MHW is mingling with the officemates.

Parang ang saya-saya naman ni kuya. Habang ako itong parang nilalapirot ang kaibuturan ng damdamin ko.

Tinitingnan ko siya pero he never even glances at me.

Finally, may moment na lumayo siya sa grupo to get a drink or something. Shet! This is it! It’s now or never, kung witchelles ngayon? Kelan? Kung witchelles akez? Sinetch?

Nilapitan ko siya.

“Uy,” chika ko.

“Uy,” chika niya.

Awkwardness on the loose.

“Uhmmmm …..”, fillers ko …

Nakatingin lang siya kin.

“Buti naman pinapansin mo na ‘ko”, sabi na lang niya.

“Eh. Ikaw nga ang hindi pumapansin sa ‘kin e …”

Deadma.

I continued, “Anyway, I just want to declare a truce. And I want to apologize. Alam kong my behaviors recently were unacceptable.”

“I understand, I’m partly to blame. So, I’m sorry na ‘ren. So peace?”

“Peace!”

And then, he went back with me to the group for more chikahan and more nonggahan pa ren.

The rest of the evening went very well. Siguro dahil na ren may isang malaking tinik na naalis sa lalamunan ko. Finally eh natapos na ren ang tantrums ko. But deep inside eh may isang malaking question mark pa ren ang nakatatak sa isip ko. Ganun na lang yon? Pero pano na yung nangyari sa amin? Talaga bang it was just brought about by unwanted impulses at dapat na talagang kalimutan?

We decided to call it a night. Nagpaalam na ko kay MHW, I’ll see him on Monday. Nakasakay na ko ng taxi nang biglang may-I-call si kuya. Tinanong niya kung gusto ko raw maglugaw. May alam siyang bonggang-bonggang lugawan sa JP Rizal.

Siyempre, ako naman tong kaladkarin na go lang ng go. Apparently, andun pa ren siya sa may hotel so pinabalik ko na lang si manong driver para sunduin siya and then we went dun sa bonggang-bonggang lugawan.

Habang super lafang with the tricycle drivers eh MHW is back to his unusual self. If I don’t know more, siguro iisipin kong may pagkakrung-krung itong si kuya. Multiple personalities on the loose. He appeared comfortable, free-spirited, happy. Kwento lang siya nang kwento nang kung anu-ano. And I just listened and looked at him.

Siguro ganun talaga if you are with the person that you really like. It’s regardless of how you spend the time together, or what you are doing, or eating, as long as you’re together, you’re genuinely happy.

Hanggang sa …

“So, hindi ba natin pag-uusapan kung ano yung nangyari sa atin?”, nasabi ko na lang bigla nung tumigil siya sa pagkwento dahil busy-bisihan siya sa paglalagay ng more sili sa lugaw niya.

Witchelles ko ren learn kung baket ko na-icherva yun pero bigla na lang lumabas sa bibig ko.

Napatihimik lang siya sandali.

Napaisip.

Napabuntong-hininga.

“Bernz, alam mo bang hindi ko minsan inisip na I would cheat on my lover?”

Parang ang nega naman ng sagot niya. Sana pala nananahimik na lang ako.

“We’ve been together for more than a year …. I never really cheated on him. Not until that afternoon that we’re together. So na-bother talaga ako. Pero whenever I am with you, outside the office ha, when you’re not a dragoness, parang I feel very comfortable with you …”

“So ……”

“So … I like you! There I said it! I really like you. Pero ayaw ko namang maging complicated ang lahat at madamay ka. Ayaw ko ren namang masaktan ka. It’s gonna be unfair for you and my lover.”

“So ….”

“Let’s just be like this …. There’s nothing wrong with that naman di ba?”

Blagag. Parang betchay ko namang mahulog non sa bangkong kina-uupuan ko.

Sometimes, we keep on looking for something and wanting it desperately, that when it finally comes, we’re so afraid to grab it because of the fear that we might lose it that easily.

And then, the desire keeps on getting stronger when we know that we can’t have IT.

A point comes when we learn that we can’t have what we desire. We will stage tantrums. We will be angry. We will formulate a grand scheme out of anger to achieve whatever we want. But we will still fail.

Then, some will walk out and head to the “forget-all-about-it” route. But there are some instances when we know that we can’t have everything, we will, then, settle for something.

After anger, we end up bargaining and compromising. Just because we don’t want to completely lose it.

Maybe it’s better this way …. You won’t have the entire cake but at least you’ll have a piece of it for you to savor.

But the problem is … you wouldn’t know how long it will last until you will be asking for more.

SECOND STAGE: ANGER

2010-01-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

After three days … wala pa ring chikahang naganap between me and MHW. The usual office stuff lang. After that, derm. Wala siyang kakupas-kupas. It’s either he does not really give a shit to what happened between the two of us or masyado lang siyang magaling umarte to conceal his real feelings.

Nagsight-sight kami ni Rica, kelangan ko nang outlet. Witchelles ko ren naman kasi machika sa mga friendiva ko sa office ang eksena namin ni MHW. Parang wit ko pa bet na ipa-learn sa kanila na may enlababo feelings akembang kay kuya.

We decided to have dinner in Araneta. Meet halfway. Parang wala akez sa mood na mag-flysiva all the way to Makati.

So, ichinika ko sa kanya ang eksena habang super lafang lang si ate.

“Try mo kayang kausapin?”, iteckla ang suggestion ng ate Rica ko na napag-isipan ko ren naman pero masyado akez nagpapaka-ma-pride to make the first move.

“Naiinis ako sa kanya!” yun lang ang nasagot ko.

“At baket ka naman naiinis ….”

Chinika ko kay Rica na naiinis ako kay MHW dahil masyado siyang insensitive at masyado siyang heartless. My puppy-love and desires toward him were starting to transform into despise and hatred.

Why me?

I need revenge ….

Umabot ng five floors ang isang kilay ng lola Rica ko at tinitigan lang akez ng masama. Sabay chikang, “Masyado ka namang exaggerated at masyado kang feelingera ….”

“Feelingera?”

“Feelingera … masyadong ma-feeling!”

Nagpatuloy si Rica na parang for the first time eh narealize kong may sense din naman pala si bakla paminsan-minsan. Chinika niya na masyado lang daw ako nagbigay ng meaning sa one-afternoon-stand namin ni MHW. Malaki naman ang posibilidad na wala lang talaga sa kanya ang nangyari at pwede ren naman daw na nadala na lang ng kalasingan si kuya at nagpadala na sa panibugho ng damdamin. Alcohol has always been proven to be a very effective aphrodisiac.

Chika ko naman, “Pero kahit na … lasing o hindi lasing … alam niya ang ginawa niya … at dapat pinanindigan na yon!”

Ang sagot naman sa aken ni Rica: “Baket ‘teh? Virgin ka? Buntis ka? At ano naman ang kailangan niyang panindigan? Na nagpahada siya sa ‘yo? Tanggapin mo ang fact na yon … i-consider mo na lang na isa siyang afternoon delight!”

Witchelles! Witchelles! Ewan ko ba? Pero may ganitrix na factor talaga tayez noh? Super ask ng help and insights from friends pero once they start making sense, we immediately to refuse to believe.

“Kahit na!”, heto pa ren ang bera kez habang nakanguso at nakahalukipkip na parang spoiled brat na tinanggihang maglaro sa tsubibo.

If he wants to give me the silent treatment … then I will give him the loud treatment.

----

Sumunod na araw sa office.

I know … it sounds so bad … pero heto ang unang instinct na pumasok sa isip ko. Yes! Personalan na kung personalan pero ginawa ko pa ren.

Sinimulan kong tirahin si MHW.

It’s time to retaliate …. Lahat nang requests niya … DENIED!

Hinanapan ko siya ng butas …. lahat ng tasks niya .. EKIS ….

Lahat ng mali niya … pinapansin ko at super broadcast sa internal communications with all the other supervisors. Pati na rin sa lahat ng meetings and weekly reviews … hindi ko siya pinapaligtas.

Although, he is not directly reporting to me … He is still under my authority.

Hanggang sa nakahalata ang ibang supervisors … chika nila baket ang harsh-harsh ko raw kay MHW.

Sabi ko naman … “He is not doing his job properly. Somebody has to teach that new guy a lesson.”

“Eh baket mo siya cinertify?” talak ni Anna.

Napa-isep akez. Nakakalokang tanong!

“Oh well! E di ia-uncertify ko siya!”

“Pwede ba yun?”

---

Define ABS Bitter Herbs Capsule? Define imbernadette sembrano ---> BERNZ!

Hay nako! Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Harsh na kung harsh. Pero they say that anger is a natural reaction. According to Physics, in every action … there’s an equal reaction. Sa Psychology naman, when someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong – there’s anger.

Lahat naman ng utawsingbelles eh na-iimberna. Luka-luka na lang or Baliwag Bulacan ang witchelles!

Depende na nga lang sa utash. May mga utash na warla mode agad na daig pa si George W Bush kung magdeclare ng all out war. Haves din naman ang mga silent-type saka yung mga tipong super-suppress lang ng feelings, na eynimomentz eh i-uutot na lang nila ang sama ng loob.

Normally, I am the latter. I can find positive things out of bad circumstances. Heto ang natutunan ko sa professional life ko. Ang wrong nga lang eh kung personal and emotional life ko na ang pinag-uusapan eh it’s directly the opposite.

I have grown to become a fighter. I have always been the sorry little faggot that runs away, sulks and cries my guts out in one corner.

Times have changed. I have grown stronger.

Sa mga oras na ito I am channeling the powers of Amor Powers: “MASASAKSIHAN NILA ANG PAGHIHIGANTI NG ISANG ALIPIN!!!!!” …. Bwahahahahah ….

FIRST STAGE: DENIAL

2010-01-24T00:50:00.000-08:00

Maraming salamat sa mga nag-react, natuwa, naluha, na-erbogan, at nakidalamhati tungkol sa chervahang naganap sa amin ni MHW. I really appreciate the comments. Keep ‘em cuming.

“So what happens next?” – Siguro ay itecklabernz ang isang malaking kweystiyon mark pagka-kyorpos nang first-time chervahan namin ni MHW.

Achaka, recently ko lang na-realize na in three years ko sa office eh witchelles pa akembang nakipag-kembangan sa kahit sino in the office … so technically … si MHW ang first and only “work-related” kembang kez.

In normal kembangan circumstances, the day after yesterday is nothing. Super muni-muni ka lang sa kung anong mga kahindik-hindik na bagay ang naganap. May mga moments na na-erbogan ka ulit sa thought at super bayambang, quezon ang drama mo. May mga moments din namang, super jisip ka kung ite-text mo ba siya, or kung ite-text ka ba niya or kung magkakasight-sight ba kayo ulit at magkakaroon pa ba nang another kembangan session lalo na’t pag isang malaking check na check ang performance ni kembangan partner.

Pero sa eksena namin ni MHW …. parang may isang malaking ekis. Witchelles ko learn kung anecklavu na ang magiging eksena kasi for sure eh magkikita at magkikita kami. We are working in the same floor for crying out loud! Pero derm! Witchelles ko naman ginawa ang ginawa ko dahil betchay ko lang siyang matikman. I desire him. More than the chervahan part.

Well, siguro ang isang malaking ekis eh kung baket sa kembangan session nagsimula ang lahat.

At around 9PM that same day, I woke up. Una kong tiningnan ang tasa sa side table. Andun pa ren ang kapeng hindi nabawasan. Shet! Hindi akembang nanaginip.

Umupo ako sa kama at gumetching nang subaramba. Binuksan ang mga bintana. Subey. Habang muni-muni. Super think! Tama ba ang ginawa ko?

And then, I showered, prepared for another night in the office. Pero na-felt kong this is not going to be an ordinary night.

Makikita ko ba si MHW ngayon? O isang nakakalokang resignation letter ang bubungad sa aken? Harsh siguro … pero posible.

Witchelles ko majisip kung anecklabernz ang ia-outfit kembang. Parang ten thousand years ago na ang nakakaraan nang huling nag-jisip akembang kung anung outfit ang susuutin for office.

Derm!

Try ko kayang mag-ball gown?

Hahahah …

Okay. So settle for the ordinary. Shirt, tie, jeans.

And then, sight sa mirror. Haggardness. Na-conscious naman akembang. Suddenly, parang I saw the seven signs of ageing na sa normal na araw eh witchelles ko naman napapansin. So … more ponds!

Na-realize kong para akong isang dalaginding na first time na nagkacrush. Conscious, sensitive at may kaunting kabog sa dibdib.

On my way to the office, kinailangan ko ng gabay ng sangkabaklaan.

I called Claudine:

CLAUDINE: So, nagsex kayo?

BERNZ: True! Pero hindi naman sex .. hinada ko lang siya.

CLAUDINE: Ayan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko.

BERNZ: Weh? Wala ka namang sinabi e. Bakla ka!

CLAUDINE: Gaga! Alam mo namang may jowa yung tao noh! Napaka-puta mo talaga.

BERNZ: Di naman puta .. maharot lang … pero hindi puta. (Laftir)

CLAUDINE: Che! Kahit ano pa. Hindi mo alam ang pinapasok mo. For sure, nagsisimula ka pa lang and right now you are expecting for something more than that. At sasabihin ko na ngayon. This is not a good idea. So better think twice!

Well, slightly trulagen collagen sustagen naman ang chika ni Claudine – I am indeed expecting something more. A deeper and more serious relationship. Pero yun nga lang … MAY JOWA SIYA! Ang harsh talaga ng reality!

Pagdating ko sa office, eh I tried so hard na magpaka-normal, although the only thing I am looking forward to eh ang pagsa-sight namin ni MHW.

Read ng isang toneladang emails – and when I say read … I CTRL+A+delete ALL.

After that … starbucks + oatmeal cookie.

Balik sa office … meet with the team managers ….

Review yesterday’s performance …. pero parang yung performance ko lang yesterday ang gusto ko isipin. Derm!

And then, MHW comes in.

Dumaan siya sa aquarium ko. Super waitsiva lang akong bumukas ang door. Pero after one minute. Derm! Hindi bumukas ang door. Di hindi man lang siya lumingon para silipin ako.

So tumayo ako from my desk.

Binuksan ko ang pinto … and I left it open.

Balik sa desk. Bisi-bisihan. Pero witchelles maka-powkus.

After 15 minutes, dumaan na naman siya. Super sight lang akey sa monitor kez pero ang balintataw eh naghihintay para sa pagpasok o paglingon ni MHW …. pero wrong … wa pa ren.

Shumoyo again akembang and this time, lumabas akez sa aquarium ko. Super sight kung saan aatak si MHW.

Sa pantry …

Go …

Follow the leader naman akembang na super dahan-dahan dahil eynimomentz eh baka mafelt ni kuya na sinusundan ko siya.

Pagdating sa pantry … na-sight ko siyang super sight ng mga lafang.

Bigla siyang humarap sa ‘ken.

Naloka akez … bigla akez tumalikod at super atak sa VENDO machine … panggap-panggap na may ba-buysungin. Pagdukot kez sa bulsa eh wa pala akez anda. Wrong!

Parang 2 minutes akong nakashoyo lang don na parang lukresia kasilag.

Umexit na siya. Deadma. Di man lang ako binati.

Harsh!

Napaisip tuloy ako: Is there something wrong?

Lumipas ang araw na ganon ang eksena. I was still hoping na mag-uusap kami. Pero hours passed pero deadmatology 101 talaga ang labanan.

Hindi man lang niya akez kinausap.

Hindi man lang niya akez binati.

Ni hindi nga niya akez tiningnan.

Napaisip tuloy ako. Whatever happened to us the other day eh parang wala lang. Sa kanya, parang wala lang nangyari samanatalang akez iteng parang isang assumptionistang dalagang pilipinang nag-iisip na pananagunatan niya ang kung anumang ginawa niya sa aken.

I had another realization: For the first time in my gay life eh I felt VIOLATED!! True … I really felt VIOLATED.

Ni-minsan eh witchelles ko inexpect na masasabi ko ang mga katagang iteckla pero … OO:

“Ginamit lang niya ako ….”

Ganun na lang ba yon? After dookit session eh deadma-deadmahan na? After all the efforts and the gag reflexes … eh parang walang nangyari.

How dare him?! Chos!

Pero seriously, I was wondering on what’s going on in his mind.

Well, siguro, hindi lang siya yung tipong tao na would like to talk after sex?

Aynaku … hindi ko talaga alam.

Pero the feeling was not pleasant.

I just wished …. nothing happened.

Maraming baka ang naglaro sa isip ko. Witchelles yung mga bakang tumatalon over the fence … pero mga bakang nagkukumbinsi sa sarili kong there’s nothing wrong.

BAKA he is just having a bad day.

BAKA meron pa siyang hang-over.

BAKA nag-away sila ng jowa niya.

BAKA hindi pa niya napag-iisipan mabuti kung ano ang sasabihin niya sa akin pagkatapos nang lahat.

BAKA kakausapin niya ako kinabukasan.

BAKA naghiwalay na sila .. and he is preparing to move on?

Ewan ko ba. Pero ako … magbaBAKAsakali pa ren ako.

Baket ba?

Kadalasan, witchelles madaling tanggapin ang katotohanan. Gagawa tayo ng mga rason …. gagawa tayo ng alternative “facts” … ng alibis …. just to feel good and to find logic with what we think are not logical. But in reality … witchelles lang natin betchay i-accept ang facts.

In the pursuit of our desires … we come across a time wherein we have this feeling that this will not work out … and we have to STOP … and start to let go of it ….

But that’s easier said than done … we encounter the first stage of letting go: DENIAL.

We will find ways to convince ourselves that this is not happening. And most of the time … we are successful in doing so. So … we think.. and decide … HELL NO! This is not yet the time to STOP.

Moreover, we might feel that we are indeed in DENIAL … but we keep on denying that we are in DENIAL.

True … or false?

Wag i-deny ….

TO KABET? OR NOT TO KABET? (part 2)

2010-01-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

Medyo katanghaliang tapat na nang mapost-card ang one-on-one nomuhan session namin ni MHW, which is in our call center lifestyle eh parang normal lang. Naalala ko lang na nung kadalagahan ko eh una-unahan sa pagjuwian galing sa gimikan dahil eynimomentz eh hayan na at manunulok na si Sunshine Dizon. Dahil kasuluk-sulok naman ang mga beauty nang mga badinggerzie sa powers ni Sunshine Dizon na kayang iladlad ang bawat bakas at bawat bitak nang everyday is a happy foundation day ng mga veklores na ayaw paawat.

Isa na lamang siyang parte nang aking mapulandit na nakaraan. Witchelles na ganitrix ang eksena at witchelles na ren keri ang everyday is a happy foundation day. Deadma-deadma na sa wrinkles, dark spots at oilyness is next to ugliness. Kaya dapat gumamit na nang PONDS, which eliminates the seven signs of ageing. Choz!

So super flysiva na kami ni MHW after mapegasus ang mga nomu at lafang. Napansin kong wala na siyang defenses at restrictions sa buhay. Nakakatawa na siya nang bukal sa kalooban at nakakangiti nang parang walang kinabukasan.

Namisteryosohan naman akez bigla sa pagkatao ni kuya, parang one moment eh daig pa si Pitoy Moreno sa pagka-old fashioned at one momentz eh para na siyang isang basugulerong bagets na naiwang talunan dahil nahada ng libre nang isang bakla.

Pagewang-gewang na ang walkathon ni kuya habang papaatak kami sa mga shoxiebelles. Inakbayan ko siya ng slight, para witchelles naman siya gumulong gulong sa sidewalk at para na rin maka-enchance akembang nang slight. Slight lang naman.

Bigla naman niyang kinembash ang kamay niya sa bewang ko. Nakakalokang pangitain.

Eyniwayz, pag-arrive namin sa pila nang shoxiebelles, chika ko sa kanya, mauna na siya.

Super sight naman sa aken si MHW nang masama, sabay talak kung hahayaan ko ba raw siya umuwe mag-isa.

Ambisyosa naman si kuya, gusto pa yatang magpahatid.

Sabay chika niya kung keri lang ba raw mag-kape-kapehan portion muna tapos tinanong niya kung malapit lang ba raw ako sa eastwood. Sabi ko naman “yesterday … tomorrow … and .. today.”

Tapos, super ask siya kung keri lang ba raw magcofee-portion sa balaysung.

Sabi ko … “FINE!”

Seven minutes and thirty seconds lang ako away from eastwood, pero habang binabagtas namin ang daan eh biglang humarap sa kin si MHW. Nakakapit pa ren siya sa mga baywang kong ubod ng pagkabalingkitan. Meron siyang gustong sabihin.

Nangilabot akez sa mga mapanibughong mga tingin na parang hinuhubaran pati ang kaibuturan ng aking kulay ube-halayang kaluluwa.

Shet! Is this it! Is this really really it?

Nagsimula siyang chumika, “Bernz!” ----- isang mahabang pause.

Siya: Tingin sa baba, tingin sa gilid … balik ang tingin sa akin.

Ako: RAPID EYE MOVEMENT, hindi dahil sa kaantukan, pero dahil sa pag-eeffort kong mag-byutipul eyes.

“May sasabihin ako sa yo ….”

Ngiti lang ang drama ko.

“Nasusuka ako ….”

HARSH!!! No! No! No! No way … na parang si charice pempengco lang sa pagsingaling ng “And I’m Telling you”.

Super talak akez kay manong driver na ipara niya muna ang shoxie kung ayaw niyang mag-amoy na parang karinderya sa recto ang shoxie niya.

Stop naman si manong, binuksan ko ang door … and then, there goes … dinner, lunch and breakfast altogether.

“Okay ka na?”

Deadma si MHW, sabay myorlogs.

Pagdating sa amin eh kulang na lang eh buhatin at kaladkarin ko siya para lang makalakad. Ang harsh nang eksena especially habang super sight ang mga shopetbalay na mga mimoso’t mimosa sa eksenang may bitbit-bitbit akez na isang lulurking super enggaloids habang hindi pa natatapos ang panghimagas at ang wowowee.

Pagjosok nang balaysung eh dinerecho ko na siya sa kuwartobelles ko at inihiga sa kama. NR pa ren si kuya. Puro ungol lang ang naririnig ko sa kanya. Nakakaelya ng slight, pero harsh ang eksena ng dinner, breakfast and lunch altogether.

Sabi ko sa kanya, magpapainit lang akez ng byorbeg para makapag-coffee party na. So iniwan ko siya at direcho akez sa kusina with matching washing the dishes pa on the side.

Habang tinitimpla ko na ang kape eh narealize kong may one-time na chinika sa aken si kuya na witchelles daw siya nagnonomu ng kape. Derm!

So super bringaling ko na ang mga kumukulong kape sa kuwartobelles kez.

Halos, maitapon ko naman ang mga kape at muntik nang malapnos ang mga mala-porselana kong kutis na daig pa ang pigurin ng “LONG LIFE-HAPPINESS-PROSPERITY” sa kakinisan - Echoz! – nang tumambad sa aken ang mahalay na eksenang si MHW na nakatitiwangwang sa kama kong naka-briefannie-batumbakal lang – na para lang daing na ibinibilad sa araw. Para ngang may bato at para ngang may bakal na nakukubli sa briefani ni kuyang hanford ang tatak. Well, doon ko napatunayaang Mr. Hello World nga si kuya.

At sa eksenang iyon eh parang betchay ko namang pumameywang at ngumiti na parang si Toni Gonzaga habang super chikang, “Hello Philippines! And HELLO WORLD!”, sabay jump!

Pero deadma. Pinatong ko ang kape sa side table at kinumutan ko si kuya. Ginising ko siya nang slight, super chikang ready na ang kape and get it while it’s hot. Shet! at ako eh HOT na HOT na ren ang drama!

May mga drama si kuya na parang tulug-tulugan portion. Hanggang sa hinablot na lang niya ang kamay ko at ikinembash sa junjun nyang super alert-alive-enthusiastic.

Wala na akong choice … (Shet parang napilitan lang da ‘vah?)

Nangyari nga ang kadalasang nangyayari sa dalawang lasing na nilalang na magkasama sa isang kuwarto.

Isang bonggang-bonggang kyorbeyhan lang ang naganap. Habang muntik nang mangawit ang ngangabu ko sa pagcherva eh parang tulug-tulugan lang naman ang drama ni kuya. May mga minute reactions at certain points, pero ganun lang.

Habang umiindayog nga ang aking ulo na pataas-pababa eh napapaisip ako – parang witchelles ko naman yata bet na ganitriz agad ang eksena namin? And at one point eh para namang nahipo ang konsiyensya ko .. MAY JOWA SIYA .... pero derm .. slight lang naman. May nota naman nang nakahain eh … tataniggihan pa ba?

Hanggang sa mapostcard si kuya.

Hinihintay ko siya magreact … witchelles naman para iskoran ang performance ko … pero for the sake na makakuha ako ng kahit na anong reaction, pero derm!

NR

NR

NR

Byorlog.

So anufangaba.

E di byorlog na ren ang beauty ko.

I decided to sleep na lang sa sofa sa sala.

Nagising na lang ako bandang kinahupanan nang marinig ko ang mga footsteps niya sa stairs. Nakabihis na ulit si kuya. Back to his normal, well-guarded self.

Nagpaalam lang siya sa aken. Sabi niya mauuna na raw siya. Yun lang …

Then … bye!

Pumanik na ko sa kuwarto ko. Pinagmasdan ang pinangyarihan ng krimen. Na-sight ko ang kape. Hindi siya nabawasan. Malamig na.

At habang papatulog na ulit ako eh parang may boses na nagsasabi sa ken .. na parang “wrong” … “wrong ang eksena” ... isang malaking ekis ang naganap.

Sometimes, we keep on looking for something and wanting it desperately, that when it finally comes, we’re so afraid to grab it because of the fear that we might lose it that easily.

But when we had the courage to just go ahead and satisfy our meaningless urges due to our unhealthy desires ... we end up being disappointed. We wanted it so badly that our expectations were unrealistic and close to perfection ... so when we finally have it ... we end up sulking ... disappointed ....

Just like a left over coffee ... stale ... cold.

The stupid part is that most of us don't stop at disappointment ... we proceed until we get what we really want. We lower down our expectations and we look at the silver lining.

Why not take a second shot?

They say that satisfying desires is not really about getting what you want or not getting what you want but the satisfaction comes from the process of getting it (or in not getting it).

So, that's why it's hard to decide on when to stop.

Now, if we desire something, how do we really know when to stop?

TO KABET? OR NOT TO KABET?

2010-01-11T00:13:00.000-08:00

Di ko na maalala kung paano nagsimula ang nakakalokang araw na yon. Pa-fly na sana ako from the office pajuwelyon sa baler nang biglang sumulpot na lang si MHW sa lobby at tinanong kung learn ko raw mag-bilyar ara.

Chika ko naman, true! Learn!

Tapos tinanong niya kung pwede ko ba raw siya turuan.

Sabi ko … keri lang.

Next thing I know eh nasa may isang bilyaran na kami sa eastwood with matching isang bucket ng red horse on the side, habang tirik an tirik si Sunshine Dizon sa labasan.

Derm sa genitalia.

Nomuhan session muna. Di ko pa learn kung bet ba niya talagang magbilyar or naghanap lang siya ng alibi para ma-solo akembang! Echoz!

Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya. At first eh may awkward silence. Witchelles ko ren naman kasi learn kung anecklabu ang pag-uusapan namin outside work. I just realized na I don’t know much about him.

He has this certain “prim and proper” aura na parang may pagka-sakristan effect. Yung mga tipong parating naka-straight body. He never slouches. Whenever he moves, there’s this feeling na everything is very well planned. He has these calculated gestures. He never looks at me straight in the eye, though. Maski sa office napansin ko na yon. One … two … seconds, then he’d throw his gaze away somewhere.

Also, one thing I noticed about him eh parati siyang naka-dress up, almost like a uniform. Everyday, maski dress down days, eh naka white siyang long-sleeved polo na nakatuck-in sa slacks, then black shoes. Come to think of it, I have never seen him dressed up with something else.

So, super drink. Unlike me, I can drink straight from the bottle as long as malamig ang berangju, him, super ask pa siya nang baso, na super pinunasan niya muna bago isalin ang berangju. Every five seconds eh kumukuha siya nang tissue and wipes off his side of the table para matuyo.

Wala din siyang unnecessary movements like tapping a foot or fingers on the table. He’s very “salesmannish”.

“So, bakit naman gusto mong matutong mag-bilyar?” just to break the ice kasi eynimomentz eh parang isang dosenang anghel na naka-t-back ang dadaan na parang mga random strangers lang kaming nagkita sa isang kanto at nagkaayayaang mag-nomuhan session.

Sabi niya wala lang daw. He just want to learn new things.

Sabi ko naman, if he wants to learn new things eh pwede naman siyang mag-aral mag-ballet or kaya figure skating.

Napatawa siya nang slight. First time I saw him laughed at my joke. Pero yung mga three seconds na laftir lang then back to his normal self na parang isang malaking kasalanan ang pagtawa.

Tapos, out of the blue eh tinanong niya akez kung baket daw Washington akong lovelife.

As usual, sinagot kez ito ng mixture ng bittersweet sentiments about the undying quest for the “this is it”.

Baka naman daw mataas ang standards ko, comment ni kuya.

Oh well, binagsak ko na nga lahat ng standards at lahat ng quality control. Kahit sino na lang keri-keri na, patos-patos na! Kaso kahit ganun na ang mindset ko eh … wai pa ren. Negatibo pa ren ang eksena.

Silence of the lambs.

Nakatitig lang siya sa table.

“Dadating din yan for you, don’t worry!” sabay chika niya.

Anuveh! Parang gusto kong tumalon at mag-backward at magpalifting sa mga tambay don sa bilyaran na parang opening ng UAAP lang dahil sa talak ni kuya.

Sa totoo lang eh yun ang pinaka-nega na comment na naririnig ko tuwing ang lovelife kong zerowena ang pinag-uusapan. Kesyo darating din yan … kesyo … anjan lang yan … kesyo … I just need to be patient.

Che! Kung alam lang niya … parang ten thousand times ko nang narinig ang sympathy statement na yon. At parang paulit-ulit ko na ren sinabi sa sarili ko yon pang-konswuelo de bobo sa tuwing nabibigo akembang sa pag-ibig, pero wai epek! Wai true! Ayaw kong maging “hopeful” hopeless romantic! (contradicting di ba, pero parang ganun na nga)

I was about to react like a war-mongering blonde bitch nang biglang tumalak ulit si MHW.

“Totoo ba yung sinabi mo sa ‘ken the other day?”

“Alin ‘don?” Shempre maang-maangan naman ang beauty ko, pero deep inside eh I know very well what he was asking about.

“Na … you are concerned that I don’t like you ???”

Shet! Para namang nahulog ang panty ko. At betchay ko sanang tumili na parang wala nang bukas but then no! I composed myself.

“Yeah. I am … I am concerned ….”

“Dahil ….”

“Dahil … we will be closely working together for the next few months and …”

“Ayun lang ba?”

Shet! May something sa tanong niya habang nakatingin sa aken nang pa-ilalim. And I was caught in my own trap. At dahil jan …

“Why? Should I be concerned about something else?” sabay tanong ko. I don’t know, pero parang recently, eh ang hirap kong aminin sa isang tao na crush ko siya!

Kasi …. I might not like the response. Yun lang!

“I dunno … That’s why I’m asking you …” bera ni MHW.

At ayaw niya talagang magpatalo da ‘vah.

At dahil jan .. ubos na pala ang isang bucket.

So, shinorwag ko ang waiter to get more and more. Chika naman ni MHW na witchelles siyang malakas nomongga! Chika ko keri lang yan. Minsan-minsan lang naman.

So more berangju.

Ask ulit si MHW, “So ….”

“So what?”

May pagka-banidoso itong si kuya ah.

Deadma, chika ko, “Haha! Are you flirting with me?” with more laftir.

Witchelles niya nagets ang joke. Wa laftir from him, “No. I don’t flirt. Are you?”

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSH ….

Para namang betchay kong mag “Excuse me ma’am, may I go out …” Di ko kinakaya ang eksena niya.

Okay fine ….

“Because … I like you ….”

Ayan na! Doon na sumuko ang Bataan!

And then he lightened up …

More drinks and more buckets …

Plenty din naman ang napag-usapan namin. I learned a lot about him. He learned a lot about me …

Until nakalimutan na niya ang bilyaran portion.

And he was so drunk, he told me na … hindi na siya makakauwe mag-isa …

2 BE CONTINUED …..

Sometimes, we keep on looking for something and wanting it desperately, that when it finally comes, we’re so afraid to grab it because of the fear that we might lose it that easily.

Also, there are times wherein we can almost grab it, it’s right in front of us, but it has some excess baggage that makes us think to go for it or just run away. If we go for it, we will have to take the extra baggages that will come with it. We can’t throw it away. And if we run away from it, we might lose the chance of answering the “what ifs”.

They say that LOVE is UNCONDITIONAL … but what if the only love that you have right now is the one with “CONDITIONS”? Do we still call it love?

TRANSPINAY

2010-01-08T02:55:00.000-08:00

Bago ang lahat ... betchay ko naman sanang i-publish ang isang email na itez from Lea! Thank you very much for this, I appreciate it and I was moved by your story. More power .. and yes .. ang Harsh Talaga Ng Reality.

But I know for sure ... you'll be able to get through this!!!

Hi Badinggerzie!

This is the first time that I emailed you or attempted to communicate with you. I know that you are busy and you might not even be able to read this but I am taking my chances.

My name is Lea. You might not believe it, but I have been one of your “silent” avid readers since 2006. I came upon your blog through a friend’s email. It was a forwarded email that I almost marked as spam but your name “Badinggerzie” caught my attention and I read your story about your brother. Then, I googled you and found your blog.

It is so nice to finally see you blogging again. I never thought that you’ll be back. But now that you are, I’m very glad to see you sharing your stories to us again. I know that I share the same feeling of a lot of gays and transgenders out there that enjoy and find inspiration from your blogs.

But I want to take this opportunity to share my story. I’m a thirty-year old pre-op transgender. I’m currently living in Perth, Australia with my life partner, John. He is an Australian and we have been together for almost seven years. By the way, he is also a fan, although, I have to translate each and every entry to him and most of the time I fail to convey the same energy and spirit that you have with your words. I know, it’s the “gay lingo” thing, and coming from you, it’s like magic. I don’t know most of the words anymore but nevertheless I know and seamlessly understand everything.

I decided to go abroad when I was twenty years old. I barely finished my college education. I got an opportunity to work as a performer in Papua New Guinea. I didn’t leave because I wanted to work. I just wanted to escape. My family, especially my father, never accepted me. When he found out that I was gay, he kicked me out of the house. I was first year college, then. So, I had no choice but to work and support myself through college.

Growing up and maturing as a tranny in Manila was not an easy breeze. I had my share of gay bashing, people wouldn’t hire me and I was stereotyped.

On the other hand, it was not also a “nightmarish” experience. The good thing about gay life is being “gay” itself. Finding ways to have fun, to resolve conflict with laughter, and to struggle through problems and hardships with humor. That’s one thing you can’t take away from us. While reading through your blogs, feeling the nostalgia of my past gay life in Manila is a constant thing for me. It always brings out the pain, the laughter and among everything else, all the values and the lessons learned.

Me and John met in the bar where I was working as a band’s lead singer in Papua New Guinea. I was a stranger in a strange country and he was a tourist.

At first, he thought that I was a woman. And so, I pretended to be a woman for weeks. I didn’t know, then, that our relationship would be a lasting one. Also, I knew that he was not from there and that he will soon leave and go back to Australia.

To cut the story short, he fell in love with me, and I fell in love with him. But I don’t like lying very much. I had to tell him the truth. When I told him, he was so angry he slapped me and broke my nose. I cried like a baby, not because of my bloodied nose but because he couldn’t accept me.

The next day, he took the first flight out and went back to Australia.

I hadn’t seen him for six months.

Then, he returned. When I saw him again, I couldn’t believe it, I thought he might just be someone who looks like John. But after my set, he approached me and told me that he had gone through the worst six months of his life, struggling to get over and forget about me. Until he decided to come back to me and tell me he still loves me.

After a few weeks of catching up and testing the waters, our love grew for each other. He asked me to go with him back to Australia.

We haven’t been separated ever since. Five years through the relationship, I thought everything was perfect, that I am living my dream. But I knew deep inside that I was not complete yet. I still have to fulfill my ultimate goal – to undergo a sex change operation.

Then, everything changed that same year preparing for the operation when I received a phone call from my mother. At first, I found it odd, because they never called me, I always call them.

When I answered I received a shocking news. My mother asked me if I remember April. I said yes, she was my girlfriend when I was in high school, when I still wasn’t “out”. She said that April has to go to the states and left someone in our house because she couldn’t carry him with her. I asked who, and my mother said, my son!

I couldn’t believe it. I never knew I had a son. I tried to recall if April and I had sex, and yes, there was this one night, when both of us were intoxicated. We were sixteen, then, about to graduate from high school.

I found out that my son was already fourteen years old and my mother said how he truly resembles the “old” me.

I told John about it and he was bewildered as I was.

At first, meeting my son was never even an option until John convinced me to go back there to the Philippines and meet him. After all, he was my son.

So, for the first time, me and John went to the Philippines. For the first time in so many years, I met with my family. My father still had that same look he had on me. Although, we have grown older and more mature, I sensed that the abhorring feeling was still there. I couldn’t do anything about it.

Then, I saw my son. I didn’t believe in “lukso ng dugo” until then.

He looked up at me with a puzzled face and asked me if I was his father. I said yes. I expected that he would run away and hide in his room or something. But he didn’t. Instead, he embraced me.

The whole day, we were just talking. April did a good job raising him to be a smart and open-minded boy. Apparently, April didn’t keep me hidden in the closet and my son accepted and understood my situation even before he reached puberty.

It has been a long and arduous process, until I got the chance to talk to April and ask her if I could take our son back to Perth. She agreed, but she said that that was not something permanent. Once, she gets settled in the states, she has to get her son back.

I agreed.

So, as of this writing, it has been two years already since I took my son here in Perth. He went to school here, had his friends. We were a family.

Everything was so perfect until almost three months ago when April finally decided to take our son with her in the states.

I wouldn’t want to give him up but there’s nothing I can do. I had no legal ownership of some sort over my son.

I never felt so sad and depressed all my life since my son left. I have been trying to fill in the void that he left in my life but to no avail. I’m just thankful that John is here to console me.

I just don’t understand how unfair life is. It would give you something bad, then something good, and then take it all away again until you’re back to your empty self.

Oh well! As you put it … “Ang Harsh talaga ng reality!!!”

But nevertheless, life must go on. And life will go on for me. I might or might not meet my son again, but I hope that he knows that I love him. We are still exchanging emails up to this point.

This year, I am already scheduled to undergo my sex change operation. We decided to go back to the Philippines for me to recuperate. Wish me luck!

And if you got to this part without getting bored, I thank you for the time. You might not know me personally but as I have mentioned, you have been a big part of my life here in Australia.

Keep it up and good luck!

PS. If you want to have an aussie boyfriend, just tell me, I can hook you up with a lot of nice, young aussie lads here.

LADY GAGA - BOYFRIENDS - GIRLFRIENDS

2010-01-02T17:17:00.000-08:00

Naganap ang isang bonggang-bonggang year-end party for our employees. Normal thing na itu sa ‘men but most of the times eh deadmatology lang ang beauty ko na super lafang and super nomu lang on the side. But this year is a lot more different for me.

Super dare sa ‘ken ang mga closest friendiva kez sa office. Kelangan ko raw gumawa nang eksena sa party. Fine!

So that night before pa magstart ang party eh nag may-I-rescue 911 sa ken si Kiara. Nag-meet kami sa Starbucks Metrowalk para mai-deliver niya sa ‘ken ang mga kontrabando: ang platinum wig, ang outfit, ang muk-up, ang shu-ez. Walang nakakalearn na may performance segment ang lola niyo since I decided to make it as a surprise.

Sa kalagitnaan nang partibelles eh nag-change costume na akembang. At after 30 minutes eh naloka na lang ang mga utash nang biglang may kyumosok na Lady Gaga at jumokyat nang stage.

At siyempre .. anu pa nga ba ang ensemble .. kundi Bad Romance … na kinarir kong isangaling nang live … at thank you sa youtube … at nakapagdownload akembang nang instrumental.

RAH-RAH-RAH-AH-AH
ROMA-ROMA-AH-AH
GA-GA-OOH-LA-LA

Tumambling ang lahat nang utash at bigla na lang nabuhayan ang super boredom na party. Next thing I know eh super-tili na ang mga utash at feeling concert queen na ang drama ko sa life.

Hanggang sa mapostcard ang segment kez with PPPPP-POKER FACE in barefoot dahil nagdecide akong shonggalin ang nakakalokang 5-inch stilletoes na pinahiram sa kin ni Kiara in the middle of the performance/dance number dahil .. ilang beses akong muntik na tumambling literally.

Super appalause naman ang mga utaw, then, nagchange costumer na ulit akez to my normal self. In fairness, witchelles naman lahat eh nakakilala sa ken so keri-keri lang.

Super chika ang isang male friend kez na isang super feat raw ang na-achieve ko kaya bilib ang lolo mo to the highest level.

Somehow, it felt really good …

In almost three years in the office, di raw nila akez naperceive na ganong klaseng badinggerzie that would go in drag and perform.

Well, my point naman sila. I guess, na-suppress ng corporate world ang screaming badinggerzie in me. I have always been the meekly, silent-type badinggerzie in the office.

Chika ko naman, keri lang … wala naman akong dapat ikahiya and besides … badinggerzie naman akez … and it felt really good to just step out of your comfort zone and be Lady Gaga for one night.

Sa office, I have always been afraid to talk about my preference and flaunt it especially to those na witchelles ko naman close, and of course sa mga bosses and sa mga clients. Parang ever since the time has begun, merong unwritten rule na kapag pula ang hasang mo at bumubuga ka nang apoy eh kelangan mong magpakademure to be in the safe side, otherwise you’ll never gain respect from your colleagues and especially sa subordinates mo.

I know that I should be the last person to believe in such, but in the real world, ganon talaga ang kalakaran. Not everytime eh pwede kang kumanta nang, “If you’re happy and you’re gay … you clap your hands!”

I have experienced na ren naman a share of discrimination from the conservative corporate bosses. Although not really out in the open as in blatantly discriminating you but I have always felt na may mga “just because he’s gay” moments. But the good point is that, I never let it get on my way. I always make it as a motivating factor to strive hard and prove myself better. So far, eh successful naman akembang. I have climbed up the organizational ladder faster than most of the other heterosexual guys in the office.

Later habang nililigpit ko na ang costume ko eh na-realize kong nawawagtus pala ang isang shu-ez kez. Na-imagine ko na si Kiara, Channel pa naman itu, for sure eh baka gamitin niya yung isang shu-ez at saksakin na lang ako gamit ang heels.

Super walk around akez sa venue, secretly hoping na ma-sight kez ang isang shu-ez. Pero wrong, witchelles ko na iteckla na-sight.

*

The following day sa office eh business as usual. Isang toneladang emails, reports, meeting-galore. Later ko na na-meet si MHW for our weekly one-on-one. Patapos na din ang mentorship kez, so weekly na lang kami nagsa-sight and that day will be our final meeting and keri ko na siyang i-certify and he will be on his own.

Shinornong ko siya if he was in the party the other night dahil parang witchelles ko siya na-sight.

Chika niya, he arrived na daw late at but not late enough para maabutan si Lady Gaga performing.

Chiko ka naman, “Oh yeah! She’s great noh?”

“I love her performance,” sabay talak ni MHW. Then, he opened his bag and pulled out a shoe. “I saw her shoe, and picked it up,” chika habang super smile.

I know that he knows na akez si Lady Gaga.

“I better get that and give it to her coz she’s looking like crazy for it,” talak kez sabay harbat nang shoez at may-I-put sa drawer.

“How come you don’t like me?” bigla ko nalang na-versa kay MHW. Pati akez eh naloka sa lumabas sa bibig ko. Siguro, it was the lady gaga in me.

Parang, at that very second eh betchay ko naman bawiin at i-erase-erase-erase ang chinika kez but then no!

“What makes you think I don’t?”, sumagot na lang bigla si MHW.

Ping! Ping! Ping! Kinu-ping kuping!

“I don’t know … you don’t talk to me as a “person”. Pag inaaya ka namin, you don’t want to go out with us …”

“Maybe because if I did, your boyfriend would kill me …”

Tambling another ….

“Boyfriend …”

“Juan! Aren’t you a couple or something?”

“Juwhaaat?! Si Juan? He’s just a very close “straight” friend. At wala akong boyfriend … “

“Well … that’s a good thing.”

“Good?”

“I mean, at least you’re single. You can do whatever you want.”

“No naman. I think you’re so much better, kasi you have a girlfriend, you’re in a relationship?”

“Girlfriend?”

“I thought you’re taken …”

“Wala kong girlfriend …. But I have a boyfriend though …”

Tsugug!

*

KABETSEENA

2009-12-10T00:53:00.000-08:00

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?”

Itecklavu ang shurlak kembang kay Kiara habang sine-celebrate namen ang napakasuper-happy kong birhtday.

Sa truelili lang eh washington namang planong akebang na magcelebrate nang birthday ara. Ewan ko ba .. parang witchelles ko lang feel. Masyado akez depressed para magcelebrate at makipagnyostikan sa mga utaw at magpanggap na super keri-keri akembang maski witchelles naman arabum arabelles arabumbumbelles.

“BET MO BANG SAGUTIN KO YAN HONESTLY .. OR AS A FRIEND?”

Talak naman nang baklang Kiara.

Napatameme akembang. At super sight lang sa dalawang boteng horsie sa table.

Shurlak naman akembang another. Sa truelili lang eh sa 3 years na ren akez na dry season. Witchelles ko mang bet jicipin at banggitin ditey si Varsity Captain pero ayun ang eksena. Parang siya lang ang last na menchus na super naenlababo akembang at after him eh parang sinumpang kuba na ang lovelife kez.

Haves naman nang mga flings, infatuation at mga sexcapades here and there pero iba pa ren ang eksenang may hinahanap hanap kang sharam-daram feelings. Yung tipong nakakapagpangiti sa iyez nang hanggang tenga … yung tipong makakapagparelax sa beauty mo kahit na super ngaraggeddy anne na ang drama mo sa buhay dahil sa mga kembot sa workikay … yung mga tipong may mag tetext sa yo nang “WER U … D2 NA ME” ….. with matching *wink.

And speaking of flings, naichika ko kay Kiara na plentibums naman talaga ang mga fish in the ocean sa call center cherva pero ang witchelles ko lang magets eh kung baket walang nagblo-blossom na sharam-daram feelings from my so-called “PET SOCIETY”.

Pero siguro eh andun na ren yung factor na since munejer-munejeran ang drama kez eh andun na yung unwritten rule na bawal jumowa nang sinumang boylet na superior ka.

At bukod pa don eh naniniwala akong “Don’t shit where you eat!”

ISANG ARAW SA OFFICE:

First week ni Mr. Hello World, at in fairness eh may pagka-mr. congeniality naman si kuya. Parang andami na niyang newfound friends, tapos samantlang akez itong nagnanak-nak sa kagandahan eh kulang na nga lang eh mag-split akembang at mag-leg raise sa harapan niya para lang mapansin.

I have taken him under my wings for mentorship pero parang isang malaking pader lang ang tingin niya sa aken. Nakikinig naman si kuya tuwing may mga cherva at super may-I-follow naman siya sa mga kervang pinag-iimbento ko but then hanggang dun na lang. Once he steps out of my office, he’s a completely different person.

“I WANT HIM!,” chika ko kay Anna habang nakadungaw kami sa glass wall nang opis ko na para kaming mga street children na super ask nang mga tira-tirang lafanggus sa Jollibums.

“YOU CAN’T HAVE EVERYTHING!”, talak naman ni ate.

Chinika ko kay Anna na willing naman akembang na magpaka-kabeetseena, willing kong igivesung ang lahat-lahat at willing kong isugal ang buong pagka-utash kez at isangla ang pinaka-aalagaan kong virginity (or what’s left of it) sa Cebuana Lhuillier pawnshop.

THE NEXT DAY

BERNZ: DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER WORK? WE ARE PLANNING TO ....

Best in interruptions.

MHW: AH. I HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON WITH MY …

BERNZ: AAAAAH. OKAY (sabay backflip, labas nang grand piano at singaling nang po-po-po-poker face po-po-poker face nang naka-split)

BERNZ: (hawi nang hair na hanggang talampakan) YEAH I KNOW … GIRLFRIEND DUTIES … SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN …

MHW: (zip nang laptop bagelyon, bitbit .. sabay) SORRY … BOSS … I HAVE TO GO … NAGMAMADALI EH ..

BERNZ: AH .. EH .. AH .. EH …. (labas si MHW .. sara si pinto) … JUST CALL ME BERNZ?

THE DAY AFTER THAT

BERNZ: (chika sa isang random agent) I GIVESUNG MO ITECKLANG IS-TAR-IS-BAKS KAY MHW. SABI MO MAY TREAT.

AFTER 2 MINUTES:

RANDOM AGENT: HE DOESN’T DRINK COFFEE DAW PO!

*

KINAGABIHAN SA FEZBUK:

BERNZ: DI NIYA AKEMBANG PINAPANSIN?

KIARA: TRY MONG MAG-BLUSH ON …. YUNG SA BODY SHOP ….

KINAUMAGAHAN

BERNZ: HI MHW!!!!

MHW: (DEAD AIR)

BERNZ: WHAT’S UP?

MHW: BOSS, DO YOU HAVE A FEVER OR SOMETHING? ‘COZ …. YOU’RE FREAKISHLY RED!

AFTER TWO HOURS SA FEZBUK:

BERNZ: PUNYETA KA!

KIARA: BAKET?

BERNZ: PINAGKAMALATAN NIYA KONG NAGDE-DELIRIO

KIARA: HAHAHAHA … NAG-BLUSH ON KA TALAGA?

BERNZ: AMPF! MABULOK NA SANA ANG MATRES MO HABANG BUHAY!

KIARA: CHE!

BERNZ: PUKI MO BLUE!

KIARA: HAHAHAH! I-FRIEND MO KAYA SIYA SA FEZBUK.

BERNZ: HARSH! SO STALKERISH NAMAN NANG DRAMA

KIARA: OKAY …. TRY MO NAMANG MAG PLUNGING NECKLINE … PAG HINDI PA REN GUMANA .. GAGAWAN KITA NANG BALL GOWN!

BERNZ: PUNYETA KA!!!!

Ang harsh harsh … parang in-grown lang na pinadugo nang manikuristang inaantok sa pagpepedicure ….

What else do I have to do to get his attention ….

LADY GAGA - MONSTER

ANG PAGBABALIK SA MALARS (PART 2. I AM CHANGING)

2009-12-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

After few more rounds of nomuhan session eh nag decide na kaming mag-enter nang BED. Pero bago pa kami maka-shoyo may chinika si Rica, “Is that who I think it is?”

1 …… 2 …… 3 …. best in choreography …. sabay-sabay naman ang lingon nang mga bakla.

FRANCHESKA: OH!

CLAUDE: MY!

RICA: GOD!!!!

Sabay sight sa ‘ken ang mga veklores …..

Witchelles ko learn kung aneck ang eksena, okay fine may isang veklores na naka-darna costume na super dance at super rampa sa kalsada habang may-I-collect ng anda sa mga badinggerzie na nag-eenjoy.

RICA: Not her! HIM!

Sight ever naman akembang sa kung saanchienabelles naka-sight sina Rica just to make sense out of things.

Na-sight ko ang isang grupo nang kapamenchusan on their way to enter BED. At isa sa mga kapamenchusan eh ang isang lulurking pinilit kong burahin sa aking sa mga alaala at pati na ren sa aking mga wet dreams.

Pero napa-second-thirf-fourth glance akembang. Parang witchelles siya … pero siya. Ang laki nang pinagbago niya. But it all boils down to a *sigh* “Yup, it’s him!”

Yun na lang ang talak ko sa mga veklores. Suddenly, parang nawagtus ang lahat nang lakas sa shortawan kembang at parang bigla akez nakafeel nang dizziness na parang eynimomentz eh magdi-declare na lang akembang nang, “I think I’m pregnant!”

Bumalik akez sa pagkakaupo, witchelles learn kung anecklavu ang gagawen.

Witchelles kez na-anticipate na mangyayari ang ganitrix na eksena. Masyado naman yatang coincidence itembang.

After ten thousand years of not going to Malate, finally nagdecide akong iladlad muli ang kapa at muling rumampa for old times sake, then suddenly, masa-sight ko siya. Parang witchelles naman yata check itu.

“I don’t think na I can go in there,” chika ko sa mga veklores.

“Badette, don’t let him ruin our night! Anukaba. Kala ko ba naka-move on ka na,” talak naman nang baklang Rica.

Nag-jisep akembang nang slight. Corrected by naman si Rica, I won’t let this ruin the night.

So, finally, I was able to summon the courage to get in to BED.

Pag-josok na pag-josok namen eh parang naka-queue ang pag enter the dragon namen dahil bigla na lang tumili si Lady GaGa.

Ra . . . Ra … Ra … aah … aah
Roma… roma … aah … aah
Gaga … ooh .. la … la

Gagang-gaga nga! Isang malaking kagagahan itecklabernz.

I might have underestimated the Saturday night, kung anecklavu ang kinawagtus nang mga utawsingbelles sa labas eh yun naman ang ikina-plenty sa loob ng BED.

It’s exactly how it was … punung-punong pa ren nang mga veklores na hayuk sa pagparty.

Direcho na lang kami sa second floor for more space dahil pati yata ang super balingkitan kong shortawan eh witchelles kering makipagsiksikan sa baba.

More order na nang nomu at naloka naman ako sa mga waitrix, parang super forty eight years nga ang absence ko sa BED at ang mga waitrix eh nagsuper-thunder cats na … ang dating mga yummy-yummy na mga waitrix eh nagmukhang mga daddy-daddy na may pinapalaps na mga junakis morrissette.

Pero shempre eh witchelles naman kami nagpaawat at kulang na lang eh magproduction number kami to the tune of LADY GAGA!

Promise saulo talaga ng mga vekiloids pati ang steps …

As expected, rampa mode na ang Rica at ang Francheska na ayaw talaga magpaawat sa pagfi-fish while super senti mode lang kami ni Claudine sa bilog na couch sa second floor na kulang na lang eh lagyan mo nang salamin, nang mga kandila, bibliya at bulaklak eh altar na ang labas namin.

Super observe lang kami, with matching daot on the side and surprisingly, andaming familiar faces:

Si Duke, walang pinagbago, pokpok pa ren siya habang napapaligiran nang samu’t saring badette with all ages, shapes and sizes.

Si Kemerut na dating nakadukit ni BumBumKylie na parang at one time eh naka one-night-stand din ni Claude.

Si Lukring na dakilang freeloader na walang patumangga sa pakikipagsocialize na parang lahat na lang yata nang badezima past, present and future sa malars eh learn niya.

Si JB, na nabalitaan naming nakulong at one-time dahil sa more push ever ng Vitamin Nye as in nyekstasy.

After three glasses of vodka redbull. Suddenly eh I was transported in time, same place, same night. It occurred to me, this was the lifestyle that I used to want, the lifestyle that I used to like. Nagpapakashukamatay akembang if I miss one Saturday in BED. I was like an energizer bunny that keeps on going and going and going at kung makapagparty eh parang wala nang bukas. I used to know everyone there. And I have dreaded the fact na one day eh wala akong choice kundi maging isang old irritable faggot na mas pipiliin na lang na mag-cross stitch nang Hello Kitty kaysa mag party.

Shet! This is the time that I have hoped for so long not to come. I am nothing but an old irritable faggot na mas pipillin na lang mag-cross stitch nang Hello Kitty kaysa mag party. Pinilit ko mang tumayo at mag-enjoy. Gone were the days. I can’t find the party person in me. I have been reduced to nothing but a simple wallflower while everyone around me is partying their pinkish guts out.

Hindi ko kineri ang eksena, chika ko kay Claude aatak lang ako nang CR to make wiwi.

After ten thousand years in waiting-in-vain eh nagjosok din akembang sa nyiarette. Pinilit kong mawiwi dahil kung minsan eh may pagkashy-type si junjun pag na-eexpose sa public CR let alone sa CR ng Bed na walang concept nang privacy. So, super sight lang ako sa aquarium. May pamenchus sa tapat ko, nagbukas nang zipper at walang patumanggang iwinagayway ang kanyang junjun. In furness, keri keri naman ang junjun din kuya, walang konsepto nang pagiging shy. Dahan-dahang gumapang ang aking paningin sa shortawan ni kuya hanggang masight kez ang fezing niya. Witchelles niyang napapansin na nakasight akembang sa kanya dahil super sight lang siya sa junjun niya.

OMG! It’s him.

Si Varsity Captain.

All night eh I was wishing na witchelles ko siya makita sa loob nang BED at nyeta! Sa CR lang pala kami magkikita.

Hindi ko na pinilit si junjun magperform, tinaas ko na ang zipper ko at SHEEEEEEEEEEET! Napatili akembang bigla at napatalon nang slight dahil najipit si junjun. Makyoket ng fatalle.

Naloka si Varsity Captain sa kabilang side nang aquarium at napasight siya sa ken.

Napasight din akembang sa kanya, biglang nawagtus ang pain ni junjun.

Through na cloudy waters nung aquarium sa CR nang Bed eh muli kaming nagkatitigan. Iniisip nang isa’t isa kung isa lang ba itung malaking guniguni.

Deadma. Nagmamadali akong nagmay-I-go-out sa CR, then direcho labas. Baba nang stairs and walkathon nang fast pabalik sa kanto nang Orosa.

Halfway pa lang akembang eh nahearsung ko ang boses niya …

“Bernz!”

Deadma.

Walkathon na pang 3K pa ren ang drama.

“Benz!”

Another.

But this time, he was much closer. Super closer dahil naramdaman ko na lang ang kamay niya sa balikat ko.

Napahinto na ko sabay about-face.

“Oh! Hi! There!” with matching kolehiyala smile.

Bet ko sanang ganon na lang ang eksena kez pero witchelles.

Witchelles ako naka-spluk.

Naka-smile naman siya.

“Ano? Kamusta ka na? I am so happy to see you here. Who are you with? Kanina ka pa?”

Andami niyang tanong, witchelles ko knowing ko anechlavu naman ang una kong sasagutin.

Deadma pa ren!

Para akong nasa twilight zone. Parang for a moment eh nagblack out ako. Naging bulag-pipi at bingi.

Pinagmasdan ko siya. Anlaki nang pinagbago niya. He looks so much older. He lost weight. Nawala ang freshness. Dry ang skin. But his eyes are still the same. Nanunusok pa ren hanggang kaibuturan nang pagkatao.

At one point eh naisip kong magpanggap na ibang tao o kaya magpanggap na nagka-amnesia ako, parang mga storyline sa soap opera, pero napa-ikmyle na lang ako sa thought.

Marami siyang sinasabi pero wai akez naiintindihan as if he’s talking in a foreign language.

Hanggang may isang vecky na lang ang tumawag at lumapit sa kanya. Hiniwakan ang kamay niya at hinila papasok nang BED.

“I’ll see you inside!” chika niya habang papalayo.

Smile pa ren ako na parang mongoloid lang.

At that point eh parang nawala ang lahat nang tao sa paligid ko. Nawala pati lahat nang sounds. I was alone in a dark, dirty alleyway sa Malars. Lost. And above all isolated.

I didn’t expect that that night would end up so melodramatic.

Ginetching ko ang nyelpi ko then I texted Claude.

“FLY NA!”

"I am Changing" - Jennifer Hudson

Change is inevitable. Majority of people have this common fear … THE FEAR OF CHANGE.

We will have to CHANGE at point in time. Pwedeng sooner …. Pwedeng later. Depende na lang kung gaano tayo kadali mag-adapt at masanay sa mga pagbabago.

But ideally, CHANGE should always be for the better.

And one very critical part of accepting change is “moving on” and letting go of the old, the “had beens”, the “used to’s”.

If you get stuck in the past. Change will not happen.

ANG PAGBABALIK SA MALARS (PART 1. LUMA’T BAGO)

2009-11-29T02:41:00.000-08:00

Gumetching akez nang shoxibelles.

“Orosa-Nakpil po!” chika ko kay manong driver, with matching flip nang hair, miss universe wave at sparkling eyes.

45

46

47

48

years in the travelling portion.

Habang nasa shoxiebelles eh bigla naman ako napamuni-muni. Ang truthfulness eh may slight excitement akong nafi-felt dahil una’t higit sa lahat eh finally, I’m going out again. Honestly, for the past few years, my idea of a night-out eh hang out with heterosexual office friends, go to a casual hetero bar somewhere in eastwood or timog, not during the weekends, sit outside, smoke, drink, rant and make daot other heterosexual people. Feeling ko, with my new kind of lifestyle eh I lost my appetite to party.

Pangalawa’t higit sa lahat eh magkakasight-sight na namin kami nila Claude, Rica and Francheska sa isang lugar na halos humubog nang kabaklaan namen.

I thought for myself, haves pa ba nang “old” badinggerzie in me? Learn ko sa sarili kez na I have changed a lot, kung minsan nga eh witchelles ko na ren marecognize ang sarili ko kung minsan.

So, in short, may halong takot at pangamba ang excitement kez sa muling pagbabalik sa Malars.

Naputol na lang ang pagmumuni kez nang chumika si manong driver nang “San po dito?”

Naloka naman akez, nasa panulukan na pala kami nang Nakpil at Orosa. Sumight muna akembang sa kaliwa, sa kanan, sa front, sa back, sa up, sa down … at parang betchay kong ishornong kay manong driver kung sure ba siya?

Nag-decide na kong bumaba nang masigurado ko sa sarili ko na nasa Malars na nga ako. Ang ikinakaloka ko eh lost in space ang mga utash, thinking na it was almost 1 AM na nang makarating akembang, it was a Saturday night, and it’s payday pa. Nasaan ang mga veklores?

Naaalala ko pa nga dati eh witchelles na nga nakakaabot yung mga shoxiebelles sa mismong orosa dahil sa fatalle na traffic dahil sa mga nagkalat na sangkabaklaan na walang patumangga sa pagrampa galore na akala mo eh everyday is a Fashion Week.

But then last night, eh iba talaga. Siguro witchelles lang akembang ang nagbago … pati na ren ang malars eh nagbago.

Eyniways, nagwalk na ko nang slight, may mga mangilan-ngilan pa rin namang mga veklores ang nasa labas, ang mga clones with the well-fixed-taas-taasan portion ng hair, body-fitting shirts and skinny jeans.

Nakarating ako sa BED, just to check, pero washington DC ding pila. Derm.

Umatak muna akembang nang Sonata para magwaitsiva sa mga primadonang mga veklores para na ren we can have our “pre-BED” drink and to catch up sa mga kanya-kanyang eksena sa buhay.

I just realized na may hawak pa kong cup ng istarbaks dahil kagigising ko lang and what other better way should you start you’re amazing day but drink coffee first and then follow it with vodka. So tinalak ko ang favorite malars drink kay kuyang waiter. I haven’t had vodka red bull in echelons.

Dumating din si Claude after a few minutes.

Chikahan-chikahan …. Kamustahan-kamustahan …. Dautan-dautan, then super order siya nung “gilbey’s” premium cherva with green tea chervalou na nung pinashikman sa ‘kin ni Claude eh lasang scented candle. Chaka!

Then, dumating na ren si Rica followed by Francheska. Francheska got his beer, I got another vodka … and Rica got her Bolognese …. opkors .. lafang kung lafang itu.

In furness eh freshness pa ren naman ang beauty ni Rica, pero haves nang something eh … pinisil ko ang cheekbones ni bakla … at check! Collagen kung collagen ang labanan.

At shempre, super deny naman ang kumare ko sabay may-I-flash siya nang kanyang bagong watch na kulang na lang eh idukdok niya yun sa fezlack ko.

Isang pabulus na technomarine na gift raw nang friend. Mahaliya Jackson daw yun. Derm! As usual meron na naman Intertropical Convergence Zone na nagaganap nang mga sandaling iyon. Ganun lang talaga si Rica, likas na sa kanyang daigin ang bagyo sa lakas ng hangin.

Oh well, shempre nag-asim-asiman si Claude, kiver daw sa Technomarine eh mukha namang swatch dahil sa rubber na bracelet.

More chikahan, parang ang mga friendiva ko eh ganun pa ren. Parang I was transported to a time, five or six years ago at that exact same place.

Si Francheska, ganun pa ren, hopeless romantic at pag-ibig pa ren drama sa buhay. Pero ang wrong nga lang according to Rica, eh wala talaga siyang magiging pag-ibig dahil sa kapokpokan niya.

After few more rounds of nomuhan session eh nag decide na kaming mag-enter nang BED. Pero bago pa kami maka-shoyo may chinika si Rica, “Is that who I think it is?”

1 …… 2 …… 3 …. best in choreography …. sabay-sabay naman ang lingon nang mga bakla.

FRANCHESKA: OH!

CLAUDE: MY!

RICA: GOD!!!!

Sabay sight sa ‘ken ang mga veklores …..

To be continued …

Maraming bagay ang nagbabago. Chika nga ng super gasgas na kasabihan, “The only permanent thing in this world is change.”

May mga utawsingbelles na kusa na lang nagbabago dahil sa iyon ang pinaka-natural na bagay na gawin.

Haves naman nang mga napipilitan magbago dahil bet nilang mag-improve.

Meron ding go lang nang go at kahit na anung sarap nang luma eh kelangang palitan, kelangan talagang magbago …. para na ren makalimot at witchelles maisip ang mga masamang alaala.

Pero kung minsan, kahit na anung gawin nating pagbabago eh pilit pa ren tayong bumabalik sa lumang tayo.

Baket?

Witchelles ko learn!

ANG PAGBABALIK SA MALARS (PRELUDE)

2009-11-26T05:00:00.000-08:00

Kung magt-three years na ang beauty kez sa pangkasalukuyan kong workikay eh ibig sabihin ay almost 3 years na ren akez umaatakchinabelles nang Malars!

If I remember it right January '07 ang last kong Malars experience.

Wit ko learn kung aneck ang pumasok sa utak ko pero suddenly, I felt like going to BED this Saturday.

So ... open ng fezbuk at may-I-hunting kay Claude:

Bernz: psssst

Claude: ano na? injanera!

Bernz: nisaan ka? sinung injan?

Claude: sa laguna .... "See you on the 19" ... pwe ... jijiera!

Bernz: aaahh ... i apologize ... di na talaga ako nakabalek ...bizi talaga e

Claude: simpleng text dba, ala ... pero carry on

Bernz: bawi na lang ako ....

Claude: yeah, whatever

Bernz: wala ka bang balak .... any time next week?

Claude: ano reli? il be in mla this saturday

Bernz: promise ... totoo na toh ... i so want to go out din eh. super stressed.
anung exena mo sa saturday?

Claude: me and jowa will be meeting his friends in the day.
he gave me a go signal to go out after

Bernz: so .. "after" is from what time until what time?

Claude: hmm ... i think mey movie and dinner na magaganap tapos after nun pede na

Bernz: so what time nga itu?

Claude: bakit? pede ka sa sabado?

Bernz: 10? ... 11? .... 12?

Claude: baka ganyan .... lets say, pang bar.
sabi nya i can go anytime. hanggang 1 or 2 cya sa mla.
kung magkalakad ako, baka i commute na lang pauwi
uy, kakabasa ko lang ng text mo, hahaha

Bernz: naku

Claude: dami kong sinabi, naku lang reply mo, kaloka

Bernz: teka ... hahaha ... nanunuod kasi ako nang news .. saka naghugas ako nang fekfek. eyniways .. sige go ... pwede ako sa sat ... para sa isang wholesome night out

Claude: wholesome night out ... kakaloka

Bernz: baket naman?

Claude: at anong meron sa isang wholesome night out?

Bernz: booze free --- heterosexual venue ...hahahhaa .... choz ... why ..? wanna go to BED ba?

Claude: naku, minsan lang ako ulet ako makarampa, gusto ko naman mapalibutan ng mga bakla .... please .....
hahahaha

Bernz: k fine .. so anu nga? malars?
kyeri ... itext mo na si RICA!

Claude: already did, antay na lang ng reply

Bernz: excited (?) proactive ka ha. di na lang ako papasok sa sat .. yan ha

Claude: uhm .... tignan muna natin sa sabado ang kaganapan, hahahaha .... IF you show up :P:P

Bernz: aynaku ... ako na nga nag aya .... pwede bang magsama nang date?
hahahaha

Claude: go ahead ... why not .
text mo na rin si KIARA ... pero tinext ko na pareho

Bernz: kanina ko pa tinetxt si KIARA .. wa sa pagkareply.
may nakabaon siguro
hahaha

na-download mo na yung buong FAME MONSTER?

Claude: uu ... pero nde ko pa napapakinggan

Bernz: buong araw kong pinapaulet ulet .. hahahah

Claude: il have time soon enough, hahaha

Bernz: true

Claude: naloloko pa ko sa plants vs zombies

Bernz: okay fine
txt txt na lang sa sat

Claude: kere!

I don't know if this is the right decision or what ... but 'che! what the hell .. i deserve a GAY NIGHT OUT ... haven't done this for the LOOOOOOONGEST time ....

And besides ... I'll go ahead and be brave enough to ask MR. HELLO WORLD out ...

Witchelles ko learn ang mga magiging kaganapan ...

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Hello Philippines! and Mr. Hello World!

2009-11-23T19:46:00.000-08:00

Bago ang lahat ... eh betchay ko munang pasalamatan ang all-time favorite kong blogger-extraordinaire na si Mcvie for giving me a very very warm welcome .... with his "The Comeback Queen (Amidala)" entry ...

Naloka naman akey ... at parang bet kong magcollapse nang ma-readsung ko itez ... thanks McVie!!! I owe you coffee!!!

Okay .. so moving forward:

"Inday! Bahala ka sa buhay mo! Isa lang ang masasabi ko! Mahirap na -- digital na ang karma ngayon!"

Itechlavu ang talak sa akin ng baklang Claude habang super chat kami sa fezbook. Witchelles na kami madalas nagkakasight-sight nang veklus simula nung nagdecide siyang mag-alsabalutan "for good" (raw) at lumipat sa Timog Katagalugan para magsettle with Prince almost two years ago.

Siguro eh plentibelles na ren naman ang nag-evolve sa 'ming magfe-friendiva.

Si Claude na dating "one of the greatest sluts" there is eh nanalig sa salitang "pag-ibig" at nahugasan ang lahat nang kaasiman sa katawan at nagdecide na magpakapasweet na dadaigin pa ang panutsang ibinabad sa kumukulong arnibal.

Si Kiara naman eh nakapag-open na nang sariling boutique at gownshop sa may taft.

Akez ... ang dakilang badinggerzie eh nagpapakaalipin sa outsourcing industry ...

At si Rica .... eh ganun pa ren ...

Eyniwayz ... yung gabing yon eh naichika ko kay Claude ang eksena kez sa isang bagong saltang menchus sa office.

Unang beses ko siyang na-sight eh nung nakipagsiksikan akez sa elevator dahil late na akembang sa isang meeting. Pinagkasya ko talaga ang balingkinitan kong shortawan sa mga utawsingbelles sa loob mireseng maipit na akez nang elevator doors. Stomach in ang drama.

But wait ... eynimomentz eh may nafelt akez na kakaibang sensasyon sa bandang likuran. Derm! Siguro cellphone lang. Pero kakaiba siya eh ... kumikibot-kibot ... tumitibok-tibok .... Derm another! Siguro cellphone na nagva-vibrate.

Hanggang sa bumukas ang elevator.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" Talak ng mga utawsingbelles sa likod na akala mo eh wala nang bukas. So step out ako to give way maski witchelles pa yon ang floor ko. Mega step out din yung menchus sa likod ko. Nagkasight kami while giving way to the others.

Ngumiti siya sabay nod.

Deadma naman akez. Di ko siya learn.

So shosok another. Slight nalurkey naman akembang dahil may limang utawchinabelles ang nag-exit sa elevatrix pero pag enter kez eh sinisiksik pa ren akembang nung menchus. Derm!

Siguro umiiral na naman ang pagiging damaera kez. Nasanay na akembang sa damaera feeling kez. Itecklavu ang effect ng dry season for the longest time ... feeling mo eh lahat ng menchus na makadaupang-palad mo eh bet nang kachervahan right there and then!

After one floor ... "Excuse me! Excuse me!" Talak na naman nang mga utawsingbelles sa likod. So exit na naman akembang na parang crew ng Jollibee at kulang na lang eh chumika akong "Thank you for coming! Come again!". Exit din naman ang menchus. Again ... ikmyle-ikmyle .. this time .. nag-ikmyle na akembang out of politeness. Pero isang weird and creepy smile na parang eynimomentz eh feeling mo eh titigbakin ka nang utaw na iniis-smylan mo.

Enter the dragon again.

Until finally nakarating na ako sa floor ko. After all the starts and stops ... mas mabilis pa yatang nakarating ang LRT sa baclaran station noh.

So exit na akembang dire-direcho sa conference room. Witchelles ko na nasight ang menchus.

Pag-enter kez sa conference room eh nagpalakpakan ang lahat nang utaw na parang mga audience sa wowowee ... feeling ko eh umenter akembang bilang isang candidate ng Miss Earth ready for the swim suit competition hanggang sa narealize kong witchelles pala akembang ang pinapalakpakan.

Plenty ang utaw .. siguro mga around 30-40 in a conference room that could only sit 20 people.

Na-remember kong ang eksena pala eh isang welcoming/orientation session for the onboarding new supervisors that were externally hired dahil sa mega over harsh na pagramp for the fourth quarter peak season.

"Anung eksena," bulong ko kay Anna, isang tenured supervisor-slash-rampadora na kakabugin pa ang mga pole dancers sa suot na knee-high boots, fishnet stockings at super pukiy skirt.

"They are introducing themselves ..." chika ni Anna.

"Gaga! Anung eksena nang suot mo? May production number ka ba?", chika kez dahil naloka naman talaga ako sa outfit ng ate ko na parang eynimomentz nga eh magsu-super jump sa conference table at bigla na lang mag-split!

"Hindi ka na nasanay dyan," sagot ni Juan, isa ding tenured supervisor na parang kababata ni Bob Marley with all that dreadlocks and avaratheng.

Hanggang sa bigla ko na lang narinig ang namesung ko from OD (Ops Director pero pede ding Over Dosed ... hahahaha), "And please meet Bernard, one of the most awesome managers in our campaign ..."

Awesome daw ..... sabeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ba naman! Sige nga spell "awesome" ... echos!

Then ... lahat ng utawsingbelles ... old and new fezlacks .... eh biglang na lang super-sight sa 'ken. Para naman akong bawang na biglang namula habang ginigisa kasama ng mga sibuyas. Teka! Witchelles naman akez mestiza ... so nag-golden brown ... keri na yon.

"Hi!!!!!!!"

At yun lang ang nasabe ko with matching Miss Universe wave.

Witchelles naman akembang prepared.

"Carry on ..." chika ko na lang kay OD.

"May boylet ba?" chika ko another kay Anna.

"Naku! Asa ka pa! None so far!", talak ni Anna. Parehas kami ni Anna, we belong to the "Oh My Single Ladies" Club na kinabibilangan ng mga utawsingbelles na hayuk sa laman!

So kada may bagong salta, the ultimate question is .... "May boylet ba?"

And then, bumukas ang pinto ng conference room at may nagchikang "Sorry, I'm late ..." with a very deep and modulated voice na parang si Ray Langit lang.

"ohhhhh! Hello there!", bulong ni Anna sa 'ken referring to the guy who just stepped in. "Oh! Bernz! Just in time for your question."

Super sight naman ako kay kuya. Shet! Siya yung menchus sa elevatrix.

"Hello Philippines and Hello WORLD!", bulong ulet ni Anna, habang super focused ang sightness sa pantalon ni Kuya na para nga namang may ibinaong kuting.

That time lang nabuo ang image niya sa ken. He has this "emo" hair going on ... na neat pa ren namang tingnan, with all the bangs and with all the waves. White long sleeved polo na naka-tuck-in sa jeans. Broad shoulders, nice chest ... walang beer belly .... construction worker itu ... echos ... mukha lang talaga siyang fit. And yes .... the "Hello Philippines and Hello WORLD" na eksena sa pants niya na pinagkamalan kong nagva-vibrate na cellphone sa elevator habang sumusundot-sundot sa likuran kong parang pati pagkatao ko na yata ay nasundut-sundot!

Bigla ko na lang nalunok ang laway na naipon sa ngangaboo ko.

He was asked to introduce himself ... in furness ... plakado ang ingles ni kuya! Nalearnchie namin na galing siya sa isang benggang-benggang call center sa Makati. Hanggang sa nagpa-pirate siya. Almost five years na siya sa industry.

Hanggang sa nagtanong si Kristina, isa ding miyembro nang "Oh My Single Ladies" club. "Are you single?"

Shet! Para naman akong nalagutan nang hininga sa tanong na yon ... but of course ... I managed to stay alive for the answer .... and the answer was ...

"Nope ....", with all that smile and that one dimple sa kaliwang cheek.

At shet! Pwede naman na akong malagutan nang hininga at that mowmentzzzz.

"Damn!" chika ni Anna sa 'ken.

Later that day habang mukhang super bisi-bisihan sa mga reports ara per super fezbuk lang naman akez office ko eh kumatok si ETCH.

"Anu na bakla!", parang yun yung gusto kong bungad sa kanya. Pero derm, I still remained professional. It has been a week after that CR incident with ETCH, parang wala lang nangyare. I decided to keep it to myself ... pero siya naman eh parang naging extremely friendly sa 'ken.

Super enter siya sa office ko bearing gifts ... wahahaha ... He bought me coffee raw ... Nilagay lang niya sa desk ko habang supertutok pa ren akez sa farmville.

"By the way," chika ni ETCH. "For the new sups, you will be handling three of them ... si Carl, si Divine at si ... Mr. Hello World!"

Biglang napatigil ang pag-aararo ko sa aking plantasyon ng saging sa farmville.

"Wait! They will be under me?", tanung ko kay ETCH.

"yeah .. but that's .... just the three of them .... "

Blangkong fezlack ang response kez. Learn niyang may violent reaction akez sa tuwing witchelles akembang tumatalak at dahil na ren sa fact na super plenty ang ginagawa ko and I can't manage to take on new tasks ... panu na lang ang farmville ko!!!!

"...for the mean time ....." yun lan ang natalak niya sabay isquierda.

May magagawa pa ba akembang! And besides, chika ko na lang sa sarili kez ... look at the brighter side ... Mr. Hello World ... will be under me .... pede bang ... I'll go under him na lang ... I prefer to be the "bottom" eh .. wahahahaha ..... echoz!

Pero ... witchelles naman daw siya single ... wrong-kangkong!

So chika ko kay Claude sa fezbook: "Derm! Anu kayang feeling nang maging kabet?!"

Siguro mali ang pinagtanungan kez, shempre the inevitable answer from a person who has been in a long term relationship for almost three years eh violent:

"Inday! Bahala ka sa buhay mo! Isa lang ang masasabi ko! Mahirap na -- digital na ang karma ngayon!"

SI ETCH ....

2009-11-14T15:18:00.000-08:00

Witchelles ko talaga learn kung lulurki ba o badet itong si ETCH. Parang sa tinagal-tagal na panahong nagpakabuhay sirena aketch eh witchelles pumalya ang gaydar kembang. Sa sobrang strong ng gaydar kez eh 48 kilometers palang ang isang badez eh nai-ikmelanie marquez ko na ang kalansahan nang hasang nitu. Pero si ETCH …. Isa siyang malaking tandang pananong para sa akin.

Nnung pagjosok kez sa call center ara, 3 years ago, bilang isang dakilang agent eh isang level 1 munejer na tong si ETCH.

Noon pa lang eh slight kras ko na siya. Slight lang at witchelles naman yung mega over kras na kras. Yung mga tipong pag nasightsiva mo siya eh mapapatili ka na lang ng eee …. At witchelles eeeeeeeeeeeee. At munejer siya noon at akembang eh isang dakilang ahente lang so witchelles kez naman bet magpakaambisyosa non dahil sa bagong salta lang akembang.

Pero sa present tense eh parehas naman na kaming level 3 munejer so patas na lang labanan. Pero witchelles talaga sumagi sa kukote kong karirin siya kasi nga parang may wrong talaga sa kanya.

Anyway, kagabu eh super suberamba akembang sa 711 sa ground floor. Although madaling araw na eh parang palengkeng may midnight sale dahil sa plentibums ang mga callcenter utawtsinabelles na ang tanging kaligayahan ay ang mabilis na paghithit ng suberamba sa loob nang kanilang labinlimang minutong breaks.

Pag pinagmasdan mo ang paligid eh samu’t saring mga utawsingbelles ang masa-sight mey. May mga thundercats na parang napaglipasan na nang panahon but still courageous enough na jumosok sa isang industriyang pag-jugets.

Meron ding mga lulurking konyi-konyito ang drama na parang witchelles nakokyorkod sa pag bobongglis na hanggang sa mga break time eh bongglisan pa ren nang bongglisan.

Haves naman ng mga lulurking parang witchelles nalelegis at parang maaasim ang mga singit, yung mga tipong masa-sightsiva mo sa inuman sa kanto-kantong lawlaw ang salawal, may mga over biggie tattoo all over, at sabog-sabog na hairdums na parang susukuan nang Pantene PRO V.

At of course intercourse golfcourse eh witchelles mawawagtus ang presence ng mga badinggerzie.

Shempre anjan ang mga pasoshal na badette na parating may hawak na cup ng starbucks kahit na refill na lang galeng sa nescafe vendo ang laman.

Anjan din ang mga pagirlitas patatas na parang wala nang bukas para mkapagmujer with their plunging neckline, killer stilletos and avratheng.

At ang mga paminta . . . . . BAW!

No doubt namang uber daks ang populasyon ng mga Vecky Belo sa call center. Iba’t ibang uri ng mga VECKY – lantad, di-lantad, closeta, confused, trying hard, babaeng bakla, etc. etc. na parang wala din talagang nagbago sa mundo kez. Napapaligiran pa ren akembang nang sangkatutak na veklores all over.

Anyway, habang bising-bisi akembang sa pagbibilang ng mga vecky eh bigla kong nahearsung ang sikmura kez …

GROOOOOOWL …. Sabe ba naman! Witchelles itey dahil sa may nasight akembang na nakakasulasok na bagay but because of the pesto na nilafang kez na sa sobrang ka-patay-gutum kez eh lumafyus nang lumafyus kahit na feeling kez eh shunis na itembang.

GROOOOOOOOOOOOWL … sabe ulet ng sikmura kez at this time eh much longer na parang may recital na nagaganap.

So, iskrang akembang papasok nang buildingbums.

Ang nakakalokang factor eh kelangan ko pang jumokyat nang escalator paatak nang second floor to get to the elevators na forty eight years in the travelling portion.

Parang witchelles keri!!! Witchelles!!!! Witchelles dahil eynimomentz eh babagsak na ang bomba sa hiroshima!

At witchelles ko naman betchay na mayurakan ang pagkatao kez kung maabutan akembang ng Ernie Baron habang super rendezvous.

Buti na lang eh naalala kembang na may nyiarette sa ground floor na witchelles masyadong nagagamit. So, mega atak akembang with fast-paced baby steps na parang may malaking patola s apagitan ng mga binte kez.

So go-go-go sago ang labanan. Pagjosok kez, as expected, walang utaw so direcho akez sa isang cubicle. Hubad nang shontolon, hubad nang briefany, upo at …..

Imaginin nyo na lang ang sound …..

Parang nakita ko ang imahen nang birheng maria nang makaraos ako at naparecite ako nang tatlong Hail Mary sa pasasalamat!

But then wrong kangkong kingkong! Waing toilet paper!

Puking-inang-pansit-eating-muder-paker-shet! Parang betchay ko nalang i-flush ang sarili ko sa inidoro.

Shumoyo akez nang nakababa ang shontolon at briefany. Dahan-dahan kong jinuksan ang shintuan nang cubicle at super silip sa labas … to the right …. To the left …. To the up …. To the down …

So … lumabas akembang ng cubicle.

Pano ko huhugasan ang kipay ko da ‘vah?

Taboo? Ang out of this world ng ideya na may tabo don …

Shet!!

But then no, may na-sight akong bote ng mineral water sa lababo.

Keri na yun!

Nilagyan kez ng borbeg ang botelya, balik nang cubicle – ang kyoho – wash.

Shuyo … getching ng borbeg another … balik sa cubicle …. Wash.

Hanggang sa nasatisfy na kong back to freshness ang kipay ko at all along shempre eh super jingle bells lang si junjun.

So keri na …

Lumabas na akembang ng nyiarette but then paglabas na paglabas ko pa lang ng shintuan aver eh bigla na namang nagmarakulyo ang sikmura kez. So join akez another inside na nyiarette.

Pero before pa akembang makaatak sa cubicle eh nag-open-sesame ang pintuan ng isang cubicle.

Bigla akong namutla na parang kinilaw sa suka.

Yung fact na may utaw sa nyiarette eh ikinatumbling, ikinacartwheel at ikinasigaw ko nang “CONGGGGGGGGGGGRATULATIONS!!! PALAKPAKAN!!!”

May lumabas na menthol na nag-aayos pa ng zipper at butenes nang shuntolon. Witchelles pa niya akembang napansin dahil stop-dance nga ang drama ko.

And then … halos mahulog ang bahay bata kez nang may lumabas na another menthol sa cubicle.

Napasight sa aken si menthol number 2 at parang nasight niya ang multo ni Tiya Dely.

Ang isang malaking tandang pananong ay biglang naging isang malaking exclamation point! Two exclamation points to be exact with matching special characters shift+123456789.

Si ETCH …… isa palang malaking ETCHOSERANG FROG!

BADINGGERZIE RETURNS!!!!

2009-11-10T05:12:00.000-08:00

Define 48 years? Yes ... it has been so long since the last time nang chumika ako ditey sa blogsiva na itey. Sobrang plentibelles arabelles din ang mga naganap sa life ever kez. Maraming kiyemeng everloo ang nagbago ever. Betchay ko mang ichika ang everything eh parang aabutin yata nang siyam-siyam ang talakan portion kung magka ganon.

In fairness naman sa everybody eh siguro mas kyeri na givesungan ko lang kayez nang konting catch-up from my last entry.

Pero bago ang lahat eh betchay ko munang mag-ask ever nang forgiveness dahil medyo may giraffe factor akembang sa pagspluk ngayon in the "badinggerzie" way with all that 48 years without being badinggerzie and all pero I will try my best para naman witchelles kayez malukresya kasilag ever.

It has been almost 3 years, nagsarado ever ang pinagwoworkikayan kong events/ad agency. Ang boss kong dakilang pugita nang ilog Pasig na si Ursula eh kelangang magflyuk sa estates due to some important kachervahan.

At that point eh waibelles akeng ibang choice ever kundi ang mag searchaloo nang ibang workikay or else eh baka kung saanchienabelles na lang kami julutin ara nang shufatembang kez.

Hanggang sa naicipan kong jumosok ara sa isang call center sa Libis bilang isang dakilang call center agent.

YES! Siguro nga totoo ang chikang "in times of desperate needs .. we need to do desperate measures" -- as in super wai akez na mashosukang permanenteng workikay before that. More on raket here .. raket there .. raket everywhere na lang but then .... may mga moments na waing raket ... at kung waing raket eh for sure ... what follows eh waing andabelles ... waing andabelles means purita gonzales ... at kasunod nang pagiging purita gonzales eh iskwuala lumpur ang labanan. Di ko naman keri yun noh.

Sa simula eh jinisip ko lang na transition job ang pagiging call center agent -- di naman masama ang paysung kaya kering-keri lang at parang usung-uso siya, witchelles ko naman yatang bet mapawala sa uso da vars? Pasok na pasok ang kembarutay nang balingkinitan kong katawan -- good thing at wala pang one year ... eh na promote na ang beauty kez ... (dinaan lang sa pagiging balingkitan) at dahil jan! nag-arrive sa aken ang thought na kering-keri ko na itong karirin .... as in long time karir! Anufangabur ... so kinarir ko na talaga.

Ngayon lang jumosok sa kukote kong buhayin ulit si badinggerzie. Well, right now, I took may long vacation for the first time after two years, so umuwe muna akez sa mudarala kez sa province aver. Isang gabi, habang naghahalungkat ever akez nang mga oldies na gamit eh nasigtsiva ko ang isang printed manuscript nang "THIRD SEX IN THE CITY", sa sobrang wala kong magawa eh super readaloo lang akey hey hey.

I realized ... magaling pala akong magsulat! ECHOZ!

Witchelles lang yon but then, naalala ko ang mga readers na sangkabaklaan, ang mga veklores na nakakarelate sa mga kagagahan ko sa buhay at naalala ko rin ang masalimuot at mala-soap opera kong buhay.

Then I decided ... why not write as BADINGGERZIE again?

I guess it's about time para chumerva ulet ... marami pa reng mga kaganapan ang dapat na i-share at kelangang IPAGPATULOY ang laban para sa KABAKLAAN.

So ... anu sa palagay nyo????

(now, if you're new to the site ... ang pinakabonggang-bonggang gawin eh read through the past journals .. enjoi!!!)

EASY COME ... EASY GO part 2

2007-03-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

Witchelles ko felt ang mga ganitrix na drama. So mega habulan portion na nga sa kalagitnaan ng madaling araw sa kahabaan ng Makati Ave.

Parang may Takbo para sa Kalikasan na nagaganap. Nauuna si Charles, then sumusunod lang sa kanya si UPboy at may-I-follow naman akey kay UPboy at meha-follow naman sa aken si payatollah-kumeyni.

Hanggang sa nag-turn sila sa isang corner.

Pagkaturn ko naman eh nakasalubong ko na lang si UPboy na pajolik na. Mega-ask akey hey hey hey kung nasaanchinabelles na si Charles. At ang chika niya eh may-I-para na ng shoxiebelles at umiskrang!

Harsh!

'Ni witchelles man lang daw sila nagkabersahan.

Tumalikod na agad akez habang ineefort pa ni UPboy na chikahin akey. Pero derm!
Habang sumushokno palayo kay UPboy at kay payatollaj-kumeyni eh ginetching key ang nyelplaks ko to text Charles: NASAN KA NA?

MESSAGE SENDING FAILED . . . . . sabeeeeeee ba naman ng nyekplaks key!

Pukinginamesh!!!!!

Sa minalas-malas ba naman?!

I needed to get my phone loaded. Super shokbo akey to the nearest convenience store. Paggetching ko naman ng walley kez eh washington akong nasight na adez . . . . imberna!

Narealize kong naconvert na sa vodka ang lahat ng adez key hey hey hey!

So megarendezvous na naman akey to the nearest ATM.

Punyeta! For the past fifteen minutes eh wai akez ginawa kundi shumokbo nang shumokbo na parang walang kinabukasan. MENTAL NOTE: Wala munang treadmill sa Slimmers World for this week.

Pag-aarive ko sa ATM eh . . . . wala namang adez ang machine.

So rendezvous na naman.

2nd ATM . . . . . eh wala pa ring adez . . . .

Nyeta! Hanggang narealize key na Saturday pala.

Nasuyod ko na yata ang buong Makati Ave sa kahahanap ng ATM na bet magluwal ng salapi. Nakaabot na akez ng Buendia pero . . . . . washington pa ren!

Biglang nagtext si Charles:

I DNT WANNA SAY BAD THNGS TO U PERO I CNT BLIV IT I SWEAR . . . . U RILLY WANNA
KNOW KNG ANU UNG NGYARI? . . . . SABI NUNG KAUSAP M DUN SA FRND KO NA NAGSEX
KAYO . . . AND U LEFT ME WTHOUT SYING ANYTHING NA MAGYOYOSI K LANG? I KNOW U SAW
ME BACK DER CUZ U STOPD . . . ANU IICPN KO SA YO NIAN EH MAY KSMA KNG IBA NON .
. . . =' (

WADDAF*CK!!!!

Shoot . . . . at that moment eh bukod sa pagjikot ng mundo ko dahil sa sipa ni Kylie, at bukod sa mamasa-masa kong likod na nagwe-wetdreams na dahil sa pawis . . . eh yung feeling na another person is completely out of his mind for thinking such things . . . . and you want to defend yourself dahil . . . . he's completely out of his mind nga . . . . simply illogical . . . then washington akong magawa. I almost gave up. Part of me says na . . . shumorlikod na lang akey . . . at magfly na at nang makajuwelyon na . . . . pero I'm not that type that can just walk away from things unless I can fix it the soonest possible time.

I noticed na may variables pa pala akez sa coat pocket ko. Binilang ko ang tiglilimang pisong variables. Enought to get me a load.
So . . . . run to death na naman sa 711.

Habang super run akez to 711 eh may shoxiebelles na juminto ara sa tabi ko.

"Is everything fine?" chika nung nakassakay sa taxi na nung masight kez eh si payatollah-kumeyni pala yung tumalak with UPboy.

"Nothing is fine at this moment!!!!! It is because of you and your filthy mouth! Go back to payatas and eat your 5 pesos lugaw!!!!!"

I wish I could've said that with matching flying kick, haduken and a Miriam Quiambao
smile. But I didn't. I'm more concerned to get a load and talk to Charles!

Then, another teksami from Lester:

I NID UR RPLY NOW . . . . =' (

"Wait lang! Wait lang! Wait lang! Wait lang!", chika ko sa phone ko habang pinagtitinginan akez ng mga utawsingbelles sa 711.

Derm!

At finally eh nakapagpaload din akey!

I made a 232 call dahil sa Globe . . . Posible!

BADINGGERZIE: Where are you? Let's talk. I'm here along Makati Ave, dazed, drunk and catching my breath. If you'd only know what I've been through for the past thirty minutes just for me to make this call.

CHARLES: I'm here in Kamagong at my cuz's place.

BADINGGERZIE: I'll go there. I can't settle this over the phone.

CHARLES: Let's just talk tomorrow.

BADINGGERZIE: Di pwede, Charles! I needed to settle this once and for all. Pupunta ako jan. I only have a limited load. Pupunta ako sa Shopwise and I'll wait for you there now. And I won't leave, kahit abutin pa ako nang tanghaling tapat, hangga't di mo ko sinisipot.

After the call, I hailed a cab.

Sa loob ng shoxiebelles eh naloka akez dahil . . . . . wala nga akong adez!

HARSH!

On the way to Kamagong, chinika ko na lang young shoxie druvang to stop kung may ATM siyang masa-sighteous dahil wala nga akong maipe-paysung sa kanya. SIguro naaawa din ang shoxie druvang dahil lukresia kasilag na nga ang drama ko with all the swearing and sweating!

Nakatatlong ATM kami . . . . . hanggang sa may natiyempuhan akong machine na nagluwal ng salapi.

Nang makarating akez sa Shopwise eh nag-aagaw na ang dilim at liwanag. Jumupo na lang akez sa sidewalk. Super teksami kay Charles na andoonchinabelles na akez.
I felt bad. Honestly, I cried a tear or two while sitting on that sidewalk. Witchelles ko learn kung baket. I guess dahil sa situation. It is too early for us to be having such a cataclysmic event. At ang nakakaimberna pa doon eh it's all circumstantial and speculation . . . .napakawalang saysay. I was out for fifteen fucking minutes . . . and suddenly I had sex na . . . . anu ako? Pusa?! . . . I cheated na raw and all that crap . . . . while the whole night eh he was out there . . . smooching around not only with payatollah-kumeyni, which reminded me not to kiss Charles again that night without disinfecting him and making him bathe in isopropyl alcohol, but with two other streotypes (hunkylicious-commonfaced-looking-for-a-quick-and-easy-lay-government-groupie-high-in-E-type). I didn't evem raise a single eyebrow. And now . . . . I'm the bad guy!

Habang super jisip sa mga pangyayari eh may-I-ask naman akey sa sarili key: What am I still doing there? I can just shove everything up to Charles' tight A . . . . and call it a night. If he could go ballistic for such a petty thing then . . . . what else could he go ballistic for?

But then, I still to explain. Kailangan kong marealize niya na what he did is not right. And not only he ruined my evening. He also ruined my respect for him.
After a couple of minutes . . . . he came with "I-was-cheated-I'm-feeling-bad-right-now" written all over his face.

"What happened there?" I asked the soonest time na jumupo siya sa tabi ko.

"Sinabi nung guy na kasama ko kanina na sinabi daw sa kanya nung guy na kasama mo na nakipagsex ka raw sa kanya."

"How could've that happened? me and the guy were together the whole time, outside, for fiteen minutes or so, nagyoyosi. Then, I went back, saw you . . . and you already have this face. So how can that guy, that I'm with, tell that stupid guy that you're with, na we had sex. Well unless that he is a telepath?! (Sigh . . . sabay iling ng ulo) Weren't you able to figure it out? It is very simple: The guy that you're with wanted to sleep with you. He'll do anything and say anything to discredit me. He made up this very absurd story . . . to get into your pants and unfortunately, sinakyan mo naman. The good thing though, is that, you didn't let himget into your pants."

He thought about what I said. It took him siguro mga around five minutes to let all the logic sink in. Until, he realized na tama ako.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad or angry . . . . . Hindi
ko alam kung anong mukha ang ihaharap ko sa mga friends mo."

In normal circumstances, I would have let it just pass but i don't know if I've grown more stupid or wiser not being able to get into a steady relationship and get my heart broken so may fucking times . . . . . . because after that conversation . . . . I decided to put an end to whatever me and Charles have.

It was a major turn-off. Halitosis, seborrhea or crabs . . . . I could still handle and wouldn't be so much of a pain in the A . . . . but being plainly stupid. That is harder to handle.

Harsh na kung harsh, pero that was what came into my freaking mind.

I didn't stick it up to him that morning. I waited three days to convince myself kung bibigyan ko ba itu ng another chance or . . . . I'll just call it quits.

After three days . . . . I bought a CD of My Chemical Romance, he wanted that CD. I found that out nung nasa Music One kami sa Greenbelt looking for a gift for Rica. I met him, we had our usual dinner, gave him the CD and broke up with him.

The Bernard-Charles show was over. Maraming nanghinayang kasi nga naman, in fuhrness, he's definitely a good catch. Being being a good catch doesn't add up to so much as to just being a good catch, I'm looking for somebody who's more matured, who thinks outside the box and who would actually last for more than thirty thousand two hundred forty minutes.

And I hate to say the old adage: "EASY COME . . . . EASY GO!"

EASY COME . . . . . . EASY GO

2007-03-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

"Anyway, pagdating kay Varsity Captain eh ibang usapan na 'yon. Katulad nga
nang nasabe ko before: malay ko, malay mo, malay nating lahat . . . . na this is
it . . . .this is really really it! It seems like I've been waiting for "tunay
na pag-ibig" all my life. At feeling ko eh si Varsity Captain na nga ang tunay
na pag-ibig na hinahanap-hanap ko. Well, well, well. Oo nga naman. Pwede 'nyo
ring ichika na nagpapaka-ilusyonada lang ako dahil iilang araw pa lang kaming
magkakilala ni Varsity Captain but the thing is . . . I'm feeling this tingly
feeling . . . these butterflies in my stomach . . . the spark in my eyes . . . .
the feeling of flying on the wings of love ala ate Reg . . . tuwing kasama ko
siya . . . kausap ko siya . . . ka-text ko siya . . . .iba talaga . . . as in .
. . ibang-iba. Parang everyday is a sunny Sunday morning."

ISA ITONG MALAKING CLICHE!

Tingnan nyo nga naman kung gaano akez kagaga! Yang mga katagang yan ang mga naisulat key mga isang taon na ren ang nakakalipas . . . . mga kagagahan sa paghahanap ng "tunay na pag-ibig". Nyeta! I don't believe in love anymore . . . . pero geto . . . same exact words ang namumutawi sa bibig ko . . . ngayong nakilala ko si Charles! Pero . . . . pero . . . . pero . . . invulnerable na akez ngayon. Alam ko for a fact na pwedeng Sweet November lang ang drama namin . . . . pang-thirty days. I like the bagets, I can't help it! Pero I vowed na I wouldn't invest so much when it come to emotions. Bwahahahahaha! The crying days were over. Enjoy lang 'til it last!

We were on outr third week 'nung birthday bash ni Rica. Three days bago yung Saturday na yon eh binagtas k oang kahabaan ng Taft sa katanghaliang tapat . . . . imaginin nyo na lang kung nakailang pahid akez ng SPF 40 . . . para lang masundo si Charles sa school niya. Shet! Kakayanin nyo ba ang eksena? May-I-sundo here, sundo there . . . sundo everywhere ang drama ko noh! Witchelles kong inakalang dadating ako sa puntong yon. Ang masculine ng drama da 'vah? Anyway, yung araw na yon eh nag-early dinner lang kami at chinika ko nga na siya ang date ko sa birthday ni Rica. Pagkatapos non eh naghanap lang kami ng chipipay na motmot malapit sa Rob's place para magdookit. Well, wala nang panahon noh. Witchelles naman nang keri na umatak pa sa balaychina ko dahil sa Pasig na ako nakatira . . . .witchelles naman ding kering umatak sa balaychina niya dahil sa far-away-Paranaque pa siya nakatira (with his lola and sister). Kaya't pag inabot ng kakatihan sa daan eh MotMot lang ang kasagutan!

Okay! Fast-forwarding na sa birthday ni Rica . . . .

That Saturday eh nagkita muna kami ni Charles sa Glorietta. Konting walk, super jisip kung anetch ang gift na kering i-givesung kay Rica. Then, dinner sa Cafe Bola, which I might say . . . is a must-to-eat place. Mukha lang siyang maharlika, pero naman, Margarita Fores will never fail you . . . yum yum. At morayta lang siya ha sa totoong buhay!

Napiga na halos ang mga utak namin ni Charles sa kajijisip kung anetchiwang gist ang proper kay Rica hanggang sa nainis na lang ako at nagdecide na bumili na lang wine sa Marks&Spencers . . . . murayta yung wine pero sosyal ang packaging! Haha!

Dapat sa BlueWave ang celebration, in time for the final day of the World Pyrolympics ecklavu . . . . but since lahat ng taxi na pumara sa amen eh chinichikang di na raw kami makakaalis ng buhay sa area na yon dahil sa sobrang plentibelles ng utash na parang trip to Mecca na ang labanan eh binorwagan ko na si Rica at chinika ang status ng shropikey hey hey hey! So . . . atak na lang sa second choice, which is Tiananmen.

Nauna na kami ni Charles. Medyo forty-eight years in the preparation kasi ang lola Rica ko na kasalukuyan pa yatang nagpapabotox nung mga oras na 'yon. So mingmingan lang kami ni Charles. Sa truthfulness lang eh pagmagkajoint kami eh I don't feel anything special. Witchelles ko learn kung dahil I'm in a defensive mode o dahil bland lang talaga ang combination namen. Not that sa witchelles kami nag-uusap or super boring ng momentzzzz namin together, in fact, super holding hands pa nga kami . . . pero ganun lang.. May kilig factor to the very very very very very slight level pero hindi umaabot sa tumbling and cartwheel level.

Mga 12 na nung dumating si Rica together with isang batallion niyang friends from the other side of his world. Dinedma ni Claudine ang event dahil witchelles daw niyang bet makipagnyostikan sa ibang friends ni Rica.

Nagsimula na ang celebration at piging kung piging ang labanan. Yung mga tipong lafangan marathon na parang bibitayin ka na sa susunod na araw. Tumagal-tagal pa ang lafangan at nomuhan session. May nafi-felt akong kakaiba kay Charles. Witchelles ko kearn kung naa-out-of-place siya o nabo-boredom siya o ano. Witchelles pa siya nagnonomo. Super try naman akong iaccommodate siya to get into the prgram pero parang witchelles nagwo-work. Bet niya eh kaming dalawa lang ang nag-uusap. Sa tuwing umiisquierda akey para jumipat ng pwesto or chumika sa ibang veklores eh may-I-sight siya sa akin ng masama.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm . . . . . . .

"Dito ka lang sa tabi ko," chika na naman niya sa akin.

Okay fine!

Hanggang sa witchelles na talaga ako umalis sa tabi niya.

"Gusto kong magdance . . . . " chika niya.

Chika ko naman na magdance siya okay lang naman na magdance sa Tiananmen at super keri pa ang music galore. Pero witchelles daw niya bet with matching sad face.

"Okay, punta tayo ng Government," bera ko.

"Wag na lang. Sige, dito na lang tayo," chika niya na halata namang galing sa ilong.

Nagpapapilet pa eh! Felt na felt ko namang kating-kati na ang katawan niya for a dance floor. Nagdesisyon na akey na pumunta na talaga ng Government.

"Sigurado ka ba? Sige ka? Pag pumunta tayo ng Gov baka may magflirt sa kin," sabi ba naman niya.

"O eh ano ngayon?! E di makipagflirt ka hanggang gusto mo. Nasa sa iyo naman yon eh."

"Sa palagay mo ba naman eh magpapaflirt ako?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Pero kung meron man, sabi ko nga, nasa sa iyo yon. Matanda ka na. Marunong ka nang tumingin ng tama o mali."

So, nagpaalam na kami sa mga veklores, susunod na lang daw sila sa Gov.

130AM na yon nang maka-arrive kami sa Government na more na ang utash. I got my drinks, ayaw pa reng nomomu ni Charles.

Nasightsiwara ko pa si McVie don at more on chikahan lang kami. Pinakilala ko ren sa kanya si Charles na ikinatumbling naman ng lola ko.

Hanggang sa hinayaan ko na lang si Charles at naupo na lang ako sa couch sa first floor. Di ko namalayan eh nakaborlog na pala ako at ginising na lang akey ni Rica with the other badinggerzies.

Umakyat kami sa second floor and more party galore na naman. Sa second floor eh nasight ko si Charles na may kachikahang payatollah-kumeyni na veklore na mukang social-climber dahihl super effort sa pag-iinglet. Pero deadma lang ang beauty ko. I don't feel threatened. Next level na ren ang ninonomu ko . . . super absolut kylie na ang labanan. Super chikahan at super dance lang kami sa second floor, sa may bar. Hanggang sa may lumapit sa akin at nakipagdance. Hinawakan niya ang isang balikat kez at nagpakilala . . . . Cedrik daw ang namesung niya. In fairness eh pamilyar ang mukha niya. Forty-eight years ko na siguro siyang nakikita sa Government.

"I finally caught you off-guarded," saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe ba naman niya.

Smile lang ako.

Even though na hunkylicious siya . . . . sa truelili lang eh, di ko siya betchay.
Dance lang ako with him, pero yung mga tipong tinatamad na dance, for the sake of being polite. Hanggang sa may bumundol na lang sa akin at pag-sight ko eh si Charles, karay-karay yung social climber na payatollah-kumeyni na badette, pababa sa first floor.

Derm!

Dinispatcha ko na ren yung hunkylicious na Cedrik at proceed to the bar for more chikahan with the veklores.

After three more absolut kylies eh nasight kong nasa second floor na naman sila Charles.

Nagdecide akong lapitan ko na siya. Niyakap ko siya sabay kiss sa lips . . . para lang masight nung isang badette na nateritoryohan ko na siya. Hinalikan din naman niya ako.

Tapos eh hinayaan ko na naman siya. Mejo enggaloids na ren naman ako non. Super lean lang ako sa railings overlooking the dance floor sa baba.

"Baka mahulog ka . . . " may chumika sa 'kin.

"Imposible namang mangyari yon," sagot ko withtout looking at the personl.
Witchelles ko nang bet makipagkariran portion dahil uber enggaloids na akey hey hey hey hey na maski si Dennis Trillo pa ang humaltak sa akin at julikan akey hanggang sumirek ang araw eh dedeadmahin ko pa rin. And besides, I was there with Charles.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm more than okay. Thank you for asking."

"Lover mo yung kausap 'nung friend ko di ba?"

Aaaahh okay . . . . so friend pala siya ni payatollah-kumeyni. Pero mas magaling siyang mag-inglet ha.

Tumango lang ako.

"Care for a cigarette?"

"okay."

Sa smoking lounge lang sana kami pero narealize niyang wala pala siyang yosi. Lakas ng loob mag-aya noh? Inaya niya ako sa baba, para magbuysung ng yosi. Najiwan lang si Charles at yung payatollah-kumeyni na social climber sa shu-as.

So . . . . baba kami and buysung ng yosi sa labas.

Dun na ren kami nagsubey hey hey hey.

I didn't catch his name. Pero I learned na currently eh he's studying sa UP. So, we got into a conversation dahil sinabi kong grad ako ng UP. We had a nice talk sa labas. Pero hinestly eh walang halong libog yon. Di ko siya bet. More chikahan galore lang at ineeffort ko na ngang patiningin ang boses ko at papilantikin ang mga daliri ko noh para lang di siya magkainteres further.

Nakadalawang stick kami ng subaroo hanggang sa na-sightsiva ko na ang ibang veklores na friendiva ni Rica sa labas at paisquierda na raw sila. Nagpaalam na akey sa kachikahan ko at jumosok na sa Government.

Pagjosok ko eh sinalubong akey ni Rica, sabay chikang, "Bakla! Hinahanap ka ng asawa mo! Galit na galit. Nakipagsex ka raw?"

Ha?

Lumingon-lingon akey at napansin kong palabas ng byiarette si Charles. Pinuntahan ko siya agad para salubungin but then jumosok uli siya sa nyiarette . . . so josok din akey. Kinorner ko siya sa isang sulok at mega-ask kung anechiwa ang problema niya. Derm lang siya with matching titig na masama. Tinulak niya akey ng slight at umisquierda pa-exit ng nyiarette. May-I-follow na naman akey hanggang sa second floor. Umupo siya sa isang couch. Lumuhod naman akey sa harapan niya para kausapin ng masinsinan.

"What's up with you?"

"Nakipagsex ka no?" tanong niya with all the conviction ever!

Tumbling naman akey.

"Ha? Kanino naman?"

"Dun sa guy na kasama mo kanina . . . . "

"Ha? At paano naman? At saan naman kami nagsex? I was out for fifteen minutes . . . how far could we go?"

"I don't believe you."

Sabay walk-out.

Sinundan ko pa ren siya. Hanggang palabas ng Government.

Nakasalubong namin si UPboy . . . hinila ko siya. Witchelles ko learn kung baket . . . pero hinila ko siya . . .

Tinanong niya anetch ang problema.

Chinika ko na chinika ni Charles na nagdookit daw kami.

"I'll talk to him," chika niya.

Hanggang sa nagkaroon na ng habulan portion sa Makati Ave.

-2 be continued-

THINK POSITIVE (REPOST)

2007-03-05T03:45:00.000-08:00

A night before Rica's big birthday bash . . . . .

"Bakla, di na ako nageenjoy . . . . " chika ni bakla habang nilalafang ang pangalawang whopper sa Wendy's sa Makati Ave.

"Baket naman?"

"Wala lang . . . everything seems to be superficial . . and empty. Parang walang sense," chika ni bakla with matching buntong hininga pa on the side. Witchelles ko lang learn kung ang buntong hininga eh dahil sa sama ng loob o dahil sa heaviness ng nilalapsalauriat niya.

Super sight lang ako sa friendiva ko for a minute. Jinijisip key kung anechiwa naman ang ichichika kez. I want to feel sorry for him pero parang di naman tama. Mas ma-ukani siya sa akin, mas maorwag ang estado ng buhay, at pagdating sa karera ng pag-ibig eh witchelles ko ren naman maichichikang mas lamang akembang eh pareho lang naman kaming zirowena kung tutuusin.

Naitalak ko na lang, "Bakla, exagerrated ka lang dahil alam mong tumatanda ka na."

"I'm tired of casual fucks . . . . . . I want to meet the right one . . . "

"Eh naghahanap ka naman kasi. Di ba katulad nga ng sabi nila . . . kapag pilit mong hinahanap ang isang bagay eh hindi mo makikita. At saka . . . saan ka ba nagbababad para makapaghanap ng right one? Sa Bed? Sa Government? Eh goodluck naman sa tunay na pag-ibig sa mga lugar na 'yon noh?"

Witchelles naman sa paninira or avratheng, I love Bed and Gov . . . they're like my second and third home . . . pero kung ang eksena mo sa buhay eh "love-hunting" eh witchelles ko naman yatang maipapayong doonchienabelles din shumoshombay si kupido para mamana ng mga ligaw na puso. Base na ren naman sa mga eksperhinsiya ni watashi noh! Let's take for example si Varsity Captain . . . nasightsiva ko siya Government. Yes! It's true! May moment nga kaming dalawa pero ang trulagen colagen sustagen na eksenachie ebok ala eh kung may napala ba kami sa isa’t isa?! Witchelles din noh! Dahil ang ending eh . . . . cry me a river pa ren ang eksena. Wai! Zirowena! Nada! Betlogs! Para pa rin akong si Sharon Cuneta na super singaling ng "Sanay Wala nang Wakas"!

In fairness naman kay Rica eh may effort. Nag-undergo siya ng isang total make-over na in fairness eh naging hottest namanchie siya after. Nag-lose din ng weight ang lola ko. Nagpabraces . . . nagpa chemical peel! Lahat lahat na lang ng mga kahibangang naimbento ng tao para magkaroon ng dyosa effect eh ginawa na niya. Pero until now eh hoping pa ren ang lola ko. So, I therefore conclude na . . it's not all about the looks.

Pagkashorpos ng lafangan marathon sa Wendy's na akala kez eh wai nang katapusan na halos ikinabaligtad ng sikmura kez eh umatakchinabelles na kami sa Tiananmen na ang pakay lang sana eh ang mag-occular dahil doonchinabelles niya binabalak mag-celebrar ng birthday niya kinabukasan. Pero ang occular eh nauwi din sa nomuhan session.

May-I-order agad ng isang bote ng Chilean wine si bakla at another set of lafang. Nahi-hearsung ko pa lang ang mga inoorderchina ni bakla eh najijisip ko na ang dyspepsia!

"Eh kamusta naman si Paul?" tanong ko kay Rica habang komportable na kaming nakasalampak sa mga unan sa Tiananmen.

Si Paul eh isa sa mga constant date ni Rica, na nakilala niya sa Gov. They've been going out for a month or two na yata.

"Okay lang naman. He'll go here later," bera ni Rica nang walang kaabog-abog.

"How about him? How's the two of you . . . . are you not working out?"

"Okay ka lang?"

Naloka ako . . . . . .

"I've learned something about him that made me want to make lipad na lang and live with the aborigines of Australia!"

"Like . . . . ."

"He's HIV positive . . . . "

Speecheless akey . . . habang may I continue lang sa pagnomu ang baklang Rica.

"Ayaw mong maniwala?"

Ginetching ni Rica ang waley niya at naglabas ng isang kapirasong papel. Isang photocopy ng HIV test galing sa San Lorenzo. Nasightsiva kez ang buong pangalan ni Paul at ang mga katagang "tested POSITIVE for HIV."

At saka hinarbat uli ni Rica ang papel at ibinalik sa waley.

Witchelles yata akez nakakurap non for a momentzzzzzz.

Ikinaloka ko ang eksena iyonchienabelles. Sa truelili lang . . . bago yong moment na yon eh parang dali-dali jisipin na 'you won't feel bad' . . . na 'you wont descriminate' . . . etc.

Pero witchelles kong bet magpakaipokrita and avratheng ha pero that moment eh pinilit kong irewind ang mga eksena na nakadaupang palad ko si Paul. Shet! Sabihin nyo nang ang bad-bad kez pero yun talaga ang najisip kez eh. Honestly, I've never been that close . . . I mean, lahat noon eh theoretical pero at that time eh I've stared at HIV na pala.

Nabalik din akez sa sariling katinuan and pulled back to earth after a few minutes. Jinisip ko na lang na witchelles ka naman talaga mahahawa kapag walang blood contact or unsafe sex. So far . . . di pa naman kami nageengage ni Paul sa neither.

Haaaaaaay. Kakalurkey!

"Don't ever tell him or make him feel na alam mo ha!" chika ni Rica.

Nag-promise naman ako though di ko surebelles kung mapapanindigan ko pa once na masightsiva kez uli siya.

Pero ang una’t huling katanung na jumosok sa isip kez eh . . . .

"Nagsex na ba kayo?"

Tumingin lang sa aken ng diretso si Rica . . . . . at sabay chikang . . . with all conviction . . .

"YES!"

Tumbling . . . . sabay cartwheel at split sa ere.

"Echoz lang mare!"

"Puta ka!"

"Muntik na kaming magsex . . . nung gabing yon . . . super foreplay na pero before we get to it eh chinika niya sa 'ken. Since, mabait naman daw ako at eh chinika niya sa 'kin na positive siya and gave me a choice kung betchay pa o di na betchay ang dookit scene."

"And then . . . . "

"Eh nawala ang urge ko eh so di na natuloy. He told me na usually daw eh di niya sinasabi sa makakasex niya na positive niya pero since yun nga na mabait naman daw ako eh he considers me as someone special . . . . inamin niya sa kin!"

Waddaf . . . . k!

"Meaning nakikipagengage siya sa unsafe sex?"

"To get even daw sa nakahawa sa kanya . . . . ."

Parang witchelles naman yata tama yon. Noong una eh witchelles kong bet magbago ang pagtingin ko kay Paul just because na positive siya and avratheng pero from what I've heard eh parang gusto ko naman yata siyang bigyang ng mag-asawang sampal at isang flying kick sa mukha!

Learn ko naman for a fact na nagiging plenty nga ang mga positive na badinggerzie sa Manaylus. It’s just a matter of being fortunate or unfortunate, kung minalas eh di malas. Learn kong sensitive ang entry na iteckla pero I might as well make chika dahil I felt bad from what I’ve heard. Yes! Tama nga . . . up to this moment eh I still stand sa point na witchelles dapat pandirihan or isegregate ang mga positive, dahil we’re still one and the same. It's still not right to look down at them pero . . . . bakit naman ganon si Paul?! He may have been suffering more than we do. There's no way of telling kung anechiwa ang mga nagaganap sa utak niya or sa utak ng isang positive for that matter. Given the fact na learn mey na na eynimomentz eh matitigbak ka na lang at unti-unting pagkatigbak itey. It must be hard . . . hard at HARSH talaga . . . . pero I don’t think na that’s enough reason to help spread the VIRUS around. Just because nahawaan ka . . . fine . . nobody wants it . . . and fuck the person who did that to you . . . pero still . . that’s still not a valid reason para gawing parang friendster ang virus na pag bet mo eh you’ll give another person a chance to have HIV din. I’m not generalizing lahat ng positive at di ko ren sinisisi sila for having HIV kase nga there’s no way of telling . . . . It’s just a matter of being 100% safe all the time.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Di ko na learn kung anechiwa pa ang ichichika kez . . . I don't know kung may magagawa iteyckla or whatever . . . . pero yun lang ang masasabi ko . . I hope my message gets across . . . Let's be safe mga sisters and brothers . . . . mura lang ang condom . . . bente-singko pesos lang . . tatlo pa . . . . and for positives . . . . nobody's preventing them from having sex naman at all . . . just keep it safe . . . and keep those people that you’ll have sex with informed.

Wag tayong maging bitter . . . wag tayong maging harsh . . . . le's think positive!

Original comments posted:

Comments posted on badinggerzie.blogspot.com:

nakakalurkey naman yan.tama ka naman jan. hindi justifiable na dahil nahawa ka ng sakit ay ihahawa mo na din. its bad enough na na positive ka, why spread it?? kaloka..kaya mga ateng, safe sex is the way to go! go go go for the gold!
jay | 03.05.07 - 9:38 am | #

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true. and since HIV takes a couple of months (weeks or years to others, depending on the leve of one's immunity), a lot of those who contracted the virus are asymptomatic (not showing symptons) and the only time they find out about it is when the virus infection becomes full-blown AIDS.

compounding this problem is the lack of HIV/AIDS awareness campaign in the country. and there are a number of factors contributing to this. for one, the church is not very keen on supporting the use of condoms. then you have politicians and the society in general turning a blind eye on the issue. and then you have our brothers and sisters who refuse to even discuss the topic.

i agree bernz. i feel bad for our brothers and sisters who got infected. they didn't ask for this. nobody did and nobody wants it. but if you have it, please don't be an instrument of its spread. on the contrary, pave the way to enlighten everyone that this is a serious matter that the nation must address.

i do not know what a positive person is going through right now, living with something that will eventually take his or her life. i can't pretend that i do know. but i believe that it's a hard thing to live with and i sympathize with their plight.

there is no 100% protection from STDs other than abstinence. and since absitence is hardly possible for most of us, then at least be safe when getting into the scene. if you can't feel the satisfaction with rubber, then be monogamous, you and your partner.

the choice is in each of us. undetected HIV that becomes full-blown AIDS gives you at most 9 months to live. early detection with ongoing medication gives you 10 to 20 more years, depending on your reaction to the medication. either way, being positive is not something to scoff at.

i still believe there is a cure, maybe not in this lifetime. but until there is a cure, each of us, whether positive or not, should do our share to keep the virus at bay.
icarus926 | 03.05.07 - 12:56 pm | #

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Tell your friend to visit the Tropical Disease Foundation. It's funded by the World Health Organization and Anti-retroviral drugs are provided for free. I'm also HIV+ but I don't believe in infecting others. I got three times. The first time it was negative. But the second and third were positive. So now, I'm under treatment. The treatment is very effective, but I almost developed full BLOWN AIDS.

Imagine, I've been really careful. But there are several ways that the virus can be transmitted. I still got it. So guys! Stick to one partner lang if you have to. I think I might have had it for years, it was just asymptomatic. Regular screening is important.

For more information email me at hivpositivemanila@gmail.com

I want to keep my name anonymous. But I'm willing to help anyone who seeks for it.
HIV | 03.06.07 - 7:35 pm | #

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Oh yes, the Tropical Disease Foundation is in Makati Med. They'll be opening an HIV clinic soon!

That's good news!

Thanks to people in the European Union and the Bill Gates foundation. They're allowing free medicines.

Anti-retroviral drugs can cost up to P100,000.00 a month without foundations like that.
HIV Positive but not bitter | 03.06.07 - 7:55 pm | #

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Nkakahawa ba yung HIV pag tsinupa ka?
gulat | 03.06.07 - 10:09 pm | #

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hello for the past week during my break at the office wla me ginawa kundi basahin ang blog mo. Im real girl nacurious sa mga bading at nasurf ko blog mo. Dati feeling ko yukky mga bading but after reading your blog nawala. Sabi ko nga sa New Zealander ko na officemate para pala kyo real girl if mag-express ng feeling.
You have done well expressing your feelings thru this blog.
Youre really good.
nzgirl | 03.07.07 - 6:55 am | #

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I know it's kind of sensitive but I have to ask - what do you plan on doing about Paul? Knowing that he's spreading the disease willfully to get even with the person who infected him - don't you think that you've taken on a responsibility (albeit unwillingly) to either talk to him to stop spreading it or talk to someone who can do something (as in, something concrete, ha).. Thanks
Homie | 03.07.07 - 7:42 pm | #

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HIV positive but not bitter -> you go! bilib naman ako sa yo. thats the right attitude. ibang level ka. hope i cud talk to you sometime.

nzgirl -> i appreciate that nabago ang pagtingin mo sa mga bading. mahirap naman kasing magstereotype.

homie - > i completely understand you concern . . but the thing is . . i am not that close to paul . . he is a friend of a friend . . . . and like what i said . . witchelles niya noseline na noseline kong positive siya . . . haaay. honestly. i dont know what to do. the least i did was . . told rica .. to tell him na . . hindi tama yung ginagawa niya.
badinggerzie | Homepage | 03.07.07 - 8:59 pm | #

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positive, normal, negative, minus.....same....sex.....be gay... and happy.
egay | 03.08.07 - 2:54 am | #

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I think Rica should, at the very least, give feedback to Paul about your concerns (shared with the other readers here) about spreading HIV to "get even".

Even if Paul disagrees that exposing others to a deadly virus is an irresponsible and selfish act, at least he's been told--hopefully firmly--about it. Maybe one day he'll change his mind.
McVie | Homepage | 03.08.07 - 8:04 am | #

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true ka ate!

safe sex always dapat ang drama.

sa panahon ngayon, bawal magkasakit.

andyan ang virus pro keri naman nating gumawa ng paran para hindi natin ito ma-haves.

kay paul, darkness sya. yun lang.
eon | Homepage | 03.08.07 - 5:01 pm | #

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OMG, scaredness naman kasi parang we're staring at HIV right in front of us na pala minsan tapos hindi natin alam. Feeling kasi natin we're invincible. No discrimination whatsoever. It's just scary lang talaga iyong sakit. Hope we find a cure. Hay. OMG din iyang paula na iyan ha...
evolve | 03.09.07 - 2:21 am | #

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5 mL of any body fluid pag napasa sayo, doom. HIV
okla | 03.11.07 - 8:49 am | #

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The growing number of HIV-infected people in the country may also be due to the lack of awareness. I used to work for WHO, and until now I stand by my opinion that even if you flood the clinics of free medication, if the people are not educated about the hard facts of HIV/AIDS and how it is contracted, it's no use. The donors will just have to donate more meds.
Redjeulle | Homepage | 03.12.07 - 8:51 am | #

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i wonder... hindi ba pwedeng i-report sa DOH ang nangyayari/ginagawa ni Paul? Alam ko, walang enough proof.. pero siguro kung may mag-i-intervene for him baka magliwanag pa ang pananaw nya.

...or something like that, vah...
ate sienna | Homepage | 03.12.07 - 12:02 pm | #

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natakot ako bigla sa hiv postive guy na un

pano kung naksex ko na un?

tsk tsk!

safe sex tlga dpat lagi or better yet abstinence

magshow na lang sa cam nyeta!

nice blog btw
turismoboi | Homepage | 03.15.07 - 10:28 pm | #

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Bigla ako natakot. But thanks for posting that entry, Mareng Bernadette. Salamat din sa mga nagpost ng comments sa itaas. I admire your courage and willingness to help other people.
Housewife | Homepage | 03.18.07 - 1:28 am | #

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malorkey naman akesh
emman | Homepage | 03.22.07 - 2:12 am | #

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scariness itu
pero may solution
bryan | Homepage | 03.22.07 - 4:27 am | #

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hi badinggerzie. share ko lang, im based here in canada for over a year now, just a few weeks back sa news dito, me ilang individuals ang nakulong for 5-10 years for inflicting the HIV various through unrprotected sex esp if its intentional. Im sure wala pang ganyang law sa atin, pero im really hoping na magkaroon din. I tried to understand Paul's side regarding his actions, pero kahit anong gawin ko, i cant find any valid reason kung bakit kailangan nyang manghawa. I pity those people na possibleng nahawahan na nya ngayon. bottomline, practice safe sex talaga. yun lang, hehehhe :D
rayms | 03.23.07 - 9:50 am | #

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PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THIS IS A DANGEROUS SCENARIO. IM A NURSE AND THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH MANDATES US TO REPORT EVENTS LIKE THIS THAT WILL ENDAGER THE HEALTH OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC. IT IS A CLEAR AND A PRESENT DANGER. IT WILL REALLY BE A BIG HELP TO THE GAY COMMUNITY IF YOU DIVULGE THE COMPLETE NAME OF PAUL SO THAT HIS INTENTION OF HARMING OTHERS CAN BE CONTAINED... PLEASE,MALI ANG GINAGAWA NYA NA PAGHAWA SA IBA. IF YOU DO THIS, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE MANY LIVES.
ely | 03.28.07 - 6:58 am | #

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AND STILL COUNTING . . . . .

2007-02-20T17:59:00.000-08:00

We spent the night . . . . or rather the morning sa hotel.

Akey, si Claudine . . . si Rica . . . at siyempre si . . Charles.

Pag-arrive sa hotel ng slight, eh pakiramdaman lang sa mga veyk-veyk . . hanggang sa nakasegway kami ni Charles sa CR at punan ang nagliliyab na pusok na ibinubulwak nang aming mga shortawan.

In fairness, witchelles ganon ka-effortless ang makipagdookit sa loob ng nyiarette ha lalo na’t pag-long-playing ang dookit scene.

Sa lababo . . . sa ibabaw ng toilet bowl . . . sa bathtub . . . .

Shet . . . .

Effort man kung effort . . . pero it wouldn’t take away the fact . . . na makyorapsa ang bagets . . . deadma na kung manakit ang mga kasukasuon sa tigas ng tiles . . .

Ang harsh . . . I sounded like a ravenous carnivore!

Oh well . . . . Ibang level ang kakinisan nang balat niya . . . iba ren ang level ng perfomance niya. Yung mga tipong performance na learn na learn mong wala pang masyadong maipagmamalaking eksperiensiya pagdating sa booking game. Sa bawat dampi ng dila key sa iba’t iba parte nang shortawan niya eh felt na felt ko ang pigil na nginig at pigil na halinghing na parang eynimomentzz eh sasabog siya, kundi sa galit, eh sa sarap.

At kung pagmamalaki at pagmamalaki lang naman ang pag-uusapan . . . in fairness . . . at buong ikinagulat ko ren at ikinalaki ng mga mata ko noh . . . na dakila ang jugets . . .yung mg tipong maibabalot mey ang dalawang kamay mey sa notring at meron ka pang masasampal-sampal sa dulo.

Aaminin key . . . di naman sa pagiging hayok sa laman or whatever pero witchelles kez sinayang ang bawat sandali at nashikman key ang bawat parte ng shortawan niya. Endangered species ang mga ganitrix na klase ng putahe . . kaya’t habang available at nakahain lang sa harapan mey eh go lang ng go! Join lang ng join!!!!

Approximately 50 minutes kaming nagdookit . . . . . di pa kajoin ang shower together.

After non eh borlogs . . . .

Kinahapunan eh more gising-gisingan portion na pero sa truelili lang eh witchelles din naman akey nakaborlog ng truthfulness dahil nga sa mga panahong iyon eh parang you’d rather stay awake because those times . . . reality had become better than dreams . . . . ooooohhhhh . . . . san ka pa?! Echoz!

Hayun na nga . . . so bitbit-bitbit kez pa ang alaala ng mapanibughong araw na kadadaan lang. Nadatnan ko na lang si Charles na nakaupo sa isang sulok. Bihis na bihis na at super-titig lang sa kagigising kong beauty na for sure eh walang halong kapintasan . . . echoz. For sure eh more haggard than haggardness ang dating ko non noh! At kung pupuwede lang eh sa sobrang concious ko eh tuklapin kez na lang ang fezlack kez para witchelles niya masighteousbelles or I’d rather have na lafangin na lang akez nang buong-buo ng kamang jinijigaan kez!

Pero wai na ren akez nagawa kundi mag-ikmyle with all na haggard-kagigising na beauty-look. More confidence na lang ang labanan at magpacute.

Super ikmyle din naman siya sa aken.

Pagsight kez sa paligid eh wai si Claudine at si Rica.

Lumapit sa ‘kin si Charles at idinampi ang mga labi niyang parang iginuhit lang sa aking forehead. Para namang maysakit ang drama ko non. Pero deadma. . . . ang sweetness ng dating kahit na gaano pa kajologs.

Chinika niya na umiskrang na si Claude at si Rica dahil super tommy lee jones na ang lola Rica at witchelles nang kineri na mag-waiting in vain para gisingin pa akez. Dahil pag sikmura at pagkashutay-tomi na ang naramdaman ni Rica eh wala nang sinasantong panahon at oras. Chinika din ni Charles na may-I-wait na lang ang dalawa kong step-sisters sa Dencios sa Robs place.

So, umatak na ren kami sa Rob's Place for more lafangan portion at parang naubos ang enerhiya ko nung nakaraang gabi.

Sa mga pagkakataon na iyonchinabelles eh najisip ko ang mga pinaggagagawa namin sa buhay. Gimik . . . . iskrang . . . . rampa . . . . . magpa-yummy-effect . . . . magbook o magpabook . . . hoping na isa sa mga sabadong inaaksaya sa Malate e matagpuan mey ang matagal-tagal mo nang hinahanap hanap at hinihintay-hintay.

Sa truelili lang eh di ren naman ako hoping kay Charles. Okay fine . . . may spark na kung may spark . . . pero parang natauhan ako nung mga oras na iyonchienabelles arabelles arabumbumbelles.

Alam kong hanggang doonchinabelles na lang ang mga eksena . . . parehas lang siguro kami ng betchay. Ang makasegwey kahit panandalian sa mga mundong ginagalawan . . humanap nang isang utaw na waing shukialam . . . at mag ibig-ibigan na parang kayong dalawa na nga itinadha nang poong maykapal! Na kahit na alam nyong naglolokohan lang naman din kayo.

Pero, di ko yon pinahalata kahit sa mga friendiva kez. May-I-holding-hands pa ren ang drama namin ni Charles habang lumalafuk ng sinigang na kulang sa asim at ng sisig na ubod ng tuyo.

Akala ko . . . pagkatapos 'non eh hanggang doon na lang. Magkakapaalaman na . . . mangangakong itetext ang isa't isa . . . pero ang katotohanan eh ibabaon na lang din sa limot ang mga eksenang naganap at pipilasin sa kuwaderno ng buhay-talaan. Shet ! Ano ba yon !? Para akong nasasapian ng pitong dumonyo.

Anyway . . . . di pa pala.

Dahil biglang may naisip na naman si Rica . . . kelangan daw naming umatak sa Mall of Asia nang gabing yon . . at magwatchiley ng World Pyro ecklavu! Haves daw siya nang reservation at sayang naman kung witchelles gagamitin.

Super ask si Charles kung ju-joinlackles daw akembang.

Binalik ko ren ang tanong sa kanya dahil sa trulagen colagen sustagen lang e . . . di ko betchay. Pero betchay daw niya.

Chika ko sa kanya na jumoint-forces na lang muna siya sa aken sa baler kez para makapag-refresh dahil witchelles pa ren niyang jumuwelya sa balaybay niya.

So join lang nang join. Pagkashorpos lumafuk eh diretso na kami ni Charles sa baler.

At pagkadating na pagkadating pa lang namin eh para na naman kaming mga tandang na isinalang sa sabungan . . . . . round 2 . . . . . FIGHT!!!!!!

Pagkatapos ng another dookit scene (at this time eh in the comfort of my home) eh . . bihis lang agad. Pinahiram ko na lang siya ng outfit para naman di siya magmukhang pangkahapon ang beauty niya.

And then . . . fly na sa Mall of Asia.

Isa sa mga pangarap ko ang natupad nang gabing iyon . . . . ang maglakad-lakad sa mall nang may kaholding hands.

Wala siyang kiyeme. Deadmatology one-oh-one! Mirese trese kwatorseng pinagsasightcheousbelles na kami ng mga utawsingbelles eh more pa ren siya sa pagjoin sa sweetness.

Nagkita-kita ang mga bakla sa Aruba. More lafang and more join sa inuman muna hanggang hinihintay na magliwanag ang kalangitan.

Nakatayo kami ni Charles sa gitna nang kalsada. Magkahawak ang mga kamay, magkadikit ang mga balikat habang nakatingala sa mga kislap at pagsabog sa kalawakan.

In fairness . . nakakanginig . . . . at to some extent eh nakakapangilabot. Muntik na nga akong magcrayola marathon pero pinigilan ko lang ang sarili ko. Witchelles ko learn kung dahil ba ito sa mga pagsabog ng iba't ibang kulay na pinapanood namin o dahil sa fact na andon ako sa isang lugar na may kahawak-kamay na bagets na sa totoo lang eh witchelles ko pang masyadong learn pero parang matagal na kaming nag-iibigan.

Pero kinalma ko ang sarili ko. Katulad nga ng chinika ko kaniney eh . . enjoy lang the momentzzzzzzzz . . . til it last . . . . dahil witchelles mo ren learn na parang mga fireworks nung gabing yon . . . na kahit na gaano kafabulous pa ang drama at eksena . . . eh titigil at titigil din . . . at ang kalawakan na pinuno ng iba’t ibang kulay eh pagkatapos ng ilang sandali eh magbabalik at magbabalik din sa isang nakakayamot at walang buhay na kadiliman.

TWO THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED SEVENTY-SIX MINUTES and COUNTING . . .

2007-02-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

We were one . . . . we were binded by an unknown force . . . . whatever that was . . . it was good . . . .

My arms were around him and his were around me.

We explored one another’s body in the form of a dance.

. . . . . . .

Hay naku! Kalorkey!!!

Hayon na nga!

Para kaming mga tukong naka-mighty-bond sa isa't isa. Kiver kami sa mga utash sa paligid-ligid namen. Super dance, super yakap and at the momentzzzz na malearn ng mga labi namin ang dapat nilang puntahan eh . . . parang naghalo na ang balat sa tinalupan.

I never kissed a stranger before.

As in . . . walang halong kajijian . . . truenezz yon . . siguro maraming beses na akey na nakipagdookit sa mga strangers . . . but kiss . . . I don't think so.

He was the first.

Halos isang oras din kaming nasa ganoong posisyon. At wala talagang nakapagpigil sa bugso ng aming mga damdamin. (Ew . . . parang pocketbook lang da 'vah?)

Hanggang sa inaya ko siya sa second floor dahil di ko na masightsiva ang mga friendiva ko.

Pag-okyat namin eh nakasalubong namin si Claudine at si Rica na kalalabas pa lang ng CR. Halata sa mga fezing nila ang ang shock-factor na meron akong bitbit bitbit na cute na fetus.

"These are my friends . . ." chika ko sa bagets. "Claude and Rica . . . and this is . . . . "

Shet! Why do I always have these momentzzzz na lost-in-space akembang pagdating sa namesung . . . .

"Charles . . . ." chika niya.

Then, biglang nag-appear naman si Francheska na witchelles din nagpatalo dahil haves din ng karay-karay na bagets.

"This is Francheska and his fish for the night . . . ." intro kez.

Umisquierda din sila at jiniwan kami.

Hinila ko si Charles sa isang corner.

Nagtagpo na naman ang mga labi namin. Pero pinigilan ko siya. Tinulak ko siya para masightsiva ko ang kabuuan ng pagkatao niya.

Ikmyle lang akez.

"Before we continue, by the way, I'm Bernard . . . ." then I extended my hand.

Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at lumuhod siya sa jurapan kez. Super kiss niya ito at tingala sa 'ken . . . "I'm Charles. And I'm yours." Chika niya.

Tumbling.

Pinatayo ko siya at baka eynimomentzzzz eh pag nagtuloy-tuloy pa ang eksenang iyon eh bigla na lang akong maging palaka. Inaya ko sya sa bar. "I think we need a drink."

Gumetching kami ng berangju at umupo para naman makapagrest ng slight. Dahil with the dance, with matching rigudon ng mga labi at ng mga kamay . . . in fairness . . nakakaorgod siya.

Nang makajupostrax kami sa medyo tahimik at less utaw na lugar eh kinuha niya ang isang kamay ko at jinawakan lang niya habang super sight sa ‘ken with those very cute eyes na parang iginuhit lang.

"You workin?" tanong niya.

"Yup . . . you?"

"Studying. St. Pauls."

Shet! Tumbling another . . . . bukod sa pagiging bagets . . . estujamus iteykla . . . . pero derm na ako sa mga ganyang factor . . . bagets na kung bagets . . . .

Super nomu lang kami and super cuddle . . . shet . . . . cuddle talaga . . wholesome itu.

"I have a confession to make . . . " chika ko sa kanya. Na pinagjisipan key muna ng tatlong daang beses bago ishurlak!

"Ano yon?"

"The first time I saw you sa dance floor up there sa ledge . . . I felt something that urged me to get to you . . . . "

"Pero bigla kang nawala . . . ." bera niya bigla sa 'ken.

Naloka naman daw ako . . . continue niya sa pagshorlakak. "Tinitingnan kita dun sa baba. Hinihintay ko lang na makalapit ka. Pero bigla kang nawala. Then I went down and started looking for you."

"Oh common!? You're kidding me. Umalis lang ako saglit to have a breath of fresh air. Tapos ikaw ang nawala. Hinanap kita and I thought I lost you."

"I thought I lost you, too." chika niya sabay kiss. "But now, we found each other. I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

Iba ang level ng kilig factor ko sa mga oras na iteykla. Parang kahapon lang eh super watching-galore ko lang ang mga ganitrix na eksena between Sam Milby at Anne Curtis, pero now na now na eh nahi-hearsung ko na siya sa truelili na mga kaganapan sa life ever.

Bumalik din kami sa baba at hinanap sila Rica.

"Who's here with you," tanong ko kay Charles.

"My friends."

"You should talk to them and make paalam," I told him.

"Why?"

"Coz you're going home with me. . . . "

"I must go home with you. . . ." At hinalikan niya akez. "Don't go away."

At umisquierda siya.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkklaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kaaaaaaaaa!" chika ni Rica pag-alis na pag-alis ni Charles.

"Nasa 'yo ang korona ni Precious Lara Quigaman, ngayong gabi!"

"Iba 'toh."

"Love at first sight? Gaga! 'Nung huling sinabi mo yan . . . anung nangyari sa 'yo?"

Love at first sight! SHET! It's all coming back to me . . . . parang si Celine Dion lang. Oo nga naman. Nagpadalos-dalos ako nung mga panahon na iyon nang makilala ko si Varsity Captain. Parang ganitiz na ganitiz din ang eksena (minus the halikan factor lang).

"Well, baka pwedeng nagkamali ako 'non . . . pero ngayon hindi na."

"Go to the sea! Tell that to the marines!"

"Pero, in fairness . . . . ." sabat ni Claude. Bihirang bihira siyang magbigan ng compliment sa mga karir ko . . . .

"Thanks . . ." chika ko na lang.

Pagkabalik ni Charles eh nagdecide na kaming umisquierda dahil nafi-felt na namin ang powers ni Sandra Bullock sa labas.

"I don't want to go home," chika ni Rica. "Let get ourselves a room, my treat . . ."

Parang nagdeclare na lang ng Martial Law si baklang Rica at wala na kaming nagawa.

Nag-check-in kami sa Kimberly . . yung hotel na malapit sa Rob's place.

Two Thousand Eight Hundred Eighty Minutes

2007-01-29T09:34:00.000-08:00

I AM BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BAAAAAKLAAAAA!

Witchelles kong aakalaing pagkashorpos ever ng halos isang taon eh ditangchinabelles din akembang jojogsak - ang pambansang lugar ng mga badinggerzie . . . . MALARS!

Wai sa plano ever kez that Saturday na umatakchinabelles doonchinabelles but then . . earlier that day eh nakareceive akembang ng shorwag kay Claudine - ang pinakamaasim kong friendiva na pinaglihi yata sa kinalburong hilaw na kamias . . . . at bukod pa sa kanya eh pati si Rica eh out-of-blue eh bigla ding nagparamdam. Naloka naman daw ako dahil medyo ma-orgality of culture na din akembang na nag-solo-flight dahil witchelles ko naman bet na gambalain ang mga buhay-buhay nila at nagpasko at nagbagong-taon na nga't lahat lahat eh witchelles pa rin kami nagkakasight-sight.

Naging bisi-bisihan naman kasi ang Lola Rica sa kanyang world tour na pati ang Papua at Cambodia eh witchelles niya pinalampas at si Claude naman eh as usual . . . . pag inaatake ng kabaliwan eh super-retreat sa sarili niyang mundo ever na siya lang ever ang nakakaintindi ever! Ever!

Parang yesterday's dream lang . . . . super remember kez pa ang nakakalorkey hey hey hey na momentzzz namin ditangchiwa sa Malars na nakapagpasimula ng blogsivang itekla at itekla na naman . . . may another momentzzz na naman akey na tinatalak.

As usual eh akembang na naman ang pinaka-early-bird-catches-the-worm ang eksena kaya waiting-in-vain na naman ang drama kez sa buhay sa kanto ng Nakpil at Orosa habang ninamnam ang e-coli bacteria sa mga fishball at tukneneng na nilalapsalauriat kez and at the same time eh mega-sightsiva sa mga badinggerzie na rumarampa sa harap kez at in fairness . . . . halos washington na akez learnchi. Different faces . . . . . different names . . . mga fresher version of ourselves. Kakaloka!

"Bernardina!"

Nahearsung kez ang boses ng baklang Rica na halos umalingawngaw sa apat na sulok ng Malate.

Nang makanearness-of-you na siya eh as usual . . ang madugong ritwal ng besohan . . . . isang ritwal na witchelles na witchelles mawawagtus sa mga baklang magkakaibigan.

"I heard that you have a new tarbaho na ha," chika ni bakla, na halata namang wicthelles concern ang nasa jisip kundi ang intensiyong makasagap ng latest chismis.

"True," talak ko.

At tinalak ko sa kanya ang litanya ko sa bago kong workaloo at ang lahat ng pinagdaanan kong malasoap-operatic na momentz the past month.

"Hay naku maresssseeee . . . . .keri lang yan. I know you naman. Look at the brighter side of things . . . . maganda ka pa rin naman," chika na Ricang punung-puno ng kajijian.

"Ano na naman ba ang mga pumasok sa isip nyo at nagyaya na naman kayo dito?" askiley kez.

"Oh well! It's a time for joy . . . a time for peace . . . a time when hearts are set free . . . ."

Naloka naman akembang sa linya. For the sake na may maitalak ang bakla eh pati ang songaling ni Jamie Rivera eh irerecite.

"Kailangan natin to have fun. It's a new year. And we need to start this with a bang!"

Di rin nagtagal at nag-grand-entrance na ren si Claude at after a few minutes eh dumating na ren si Francheska.

Di na nagpatumpik-tumpik pa ang mga veykla at umatakchinabelles na sa Bed.

As usual eh jampacked na naman ang lugar. Witchelles ko bet magpakaipokrita or whatever but then nung gabing iyon eh parang witchelles ko bet mangarir. Ewan ko ba pero parang wala akez sa mood.

Gumetching na kami ng mga drinkaloo namen at humanap na ng spot na pedeng territoryohin.

Yung last time na umatak yata akez sa Bed eh yung na-sight ko pa si Vicky Wet! Kalorkey at ngayon eh nyortista na ren siya. Hahahaha.

Sa hayun na nga, mega observation lang akey sa karagatan ng sangkabaklaan na parang sinasamba ang mega-danz-danz na music. Isang gathering ng mga nilalang na may iisang hangarin . . . ang magpakasaya . . . . at kung sinusuwerte eh humada o magpahada at pag super suwerti talaga eh ang ma-take-home na parang Kenny Rogers lang. Nakakatuwa nga naman pag super sight ka sa kanila . . . super dance galore to death na parang wala nang haharapin pang kinabukasan para magdance . . . . mega-jump up and down . . . . . at most of the time eh mega ma-yummy effect para naman bumenta that night.

I'm on my thrid beer . . . . si Rica at si Francheska eh karir mode na . . . kaming dalawa na lang ni Claudine ang parang mga tuod na miyembro ng Confradia de San Jose - mga manang na parang napaglumaan na ng panahon . . . . pero . . . . . may biglang yumanig sa nananahimik kong mundo.

Sa isang ledge sa dancefloor eh may may-I-sight akong bagets . . . . unang sight ko pa lang sa kanya eh kakaibang shockwave na ang na-felt kez sa flat kong mga dibdib. Natuwa naman ako . . . . . . bagets, nagpaalam akez kay Claude at chikang aatak lang sa dancefloor.

Umatak nga akez para lang makalapit sa kanya.

I was standing a couple of feet away from him. He's up there sa ledge . . . above me and the others. Super dance siya to the highest level. He's different compared to all the utawsingbelles doonchinabelles. He's super white . . . as in . . . . white . . . parang kokomban! Nakajacket siyang itim . . . and his whole porma is super kakaiba na he stands out. Parang ang packaging niya eh isang punk-goth-rock star. Sa porma pa lang niya eh alam mo nang hindi siya generic na parang karamihan sa mga badinggerzie doonchinabelles na parang Tide na meron ka lang tatlong piso eh makakabili ka na sa kahit na anong suking tindahan.

Witchelles akez gumagalaw sa kinatatayuan kez. Super drinkaloo lang akembang ng beerangju habang super-sight sa kanya. Ayaw din talagang magpaawat ng mga tingin ko.

Nang tumagal-tagal eh parang betchay ko nang lumapit ever nang ma-experience ko naman siya ng malapitan . . . pero pag-sight kez eh may mga veklores sa harapan niya super enchance sa kanya . . . na-kyorkot naman akez na kumropit dahil obvyosa namang nag-set-up na sila ng defensive perimeter sa lugar na iyonchie na kung sinetchiwa man ang kumropit eh sure na sure na kundi tadyak eh siko sa ilong ang maaabot.

Wai akez magawa kundi kag-sight lang sa bagets. Witchelles ko learn kung kag-sight ren ba niya akey hey hey hey pero at that point eh witchelles ko naman bet magpaka-ilusyonada para jisiping super-sightsiva ren siya sa ken.

"Uy magsayaw ka naman . . . " chika ni Francheska na bigla na lang nag-appear sa likod ko.

Humarap ako sa kanya. At hinila palabas.

Super ask siya kung saanchienabelles kami aatak, pero hinila ko lang siya hanggang makaesquierda kami ng Bed.

Chika ko sa kanya na I just needed a breath of fresh air.

Jumupostrax kami sa labas at gumetching ng mas mumurahing beer.

Super laklak to death lang akez.

Super wonder-bra naman si Francheska, kung anung meron . . . hanggang chinika ko sa kanya ang bagay na parang ni minsan eh witchelles ko najisip na ichichika kez sa tanan ng buhay ko.

"I think I'm in love!"

"Ha?!"

Ma-giraffe iexplain . . . . madaling sabihin na masyado lang akez na-excite at super exaggerated lang ang declaration kez . . . pwede ring sabihin na sa tuwing nakakalembang ang kampana ng kabaklaan kez ng isang betty-mae kez eh naichichika kong "I'm in love!" Pero . . . keri kong ichika with deep conviction . . na iba ang na-felt ko that night . . . . . iba . . . as in ibang . . iba.

At felt na felt kong witchelles din naniwala si Francheska. Pero may-I-best-in-supporting-actress na lang ang drama niya.

"E di lapitan mo. Kausapin mo . . . . Who knows?" chika niya.

Matagal-tagal din akong nag-jisip at nag-jipon ng lakas ng loob ever. Pagkashorpos ng shotlong beerangju eh hinatak ko na siya pabalik ng Bed.

Dire-direcho akez sa dance floor . . . kung saanchienabelles ko siya huling-huling na-sightchinabelles but then . . . pagdating kez doonchienabelles . .. . eh . . . harsh of all harshness . . . . he wasn't there anymore.

Shit!

Sinuyod ko ang buong dancefloor . . . .. wala siya.

Bumalik ako kala Claudine at chinikang may hinahanap ako . . .

"This is it . . . this is really reallly it . . . . "

Tinaasan lang ako ng kilay ng mga bakla.

Deadma.

Umisquierda ulit akez at nakipagsiksikan paakyat sa second floor mireseng makipagsikuhan akez at magkamatay-matay ang mga dailiri ko sa paa sa kaaapak ng mga bading.

Sinuyod ko ang buong second floor, pati ang CR at pati na rin yata ang mga ilalim ng couch eh sinilip ko. Nowhere in sight ang bagets-come-punk-come-masarap-bonahin-come-one-come-all!

Bumalik na naman ako kala Claudine.

"How can I lose a guy? How can I lose a 5 foot 6 guy . . . divinely white . . . guy who just took my breath away . . . "

Parang akong si Sisang baliw-baliwan sa harapan ng mga friendiva ko na nakanganga lang at wa sa pagkareact. . . I swear . . . I could've gone wild and gone ballistic that momentzzz pero . . . pinigil ko lang ang sarili ko.

"Doon tayo sa taas . . . marami ka pang makikita don," sabi ni Francheska . . .

Even though witchelles ko bet ng iba . . . marami man sila . . . . isa lang naman ang gusto ko that night . . . nagpahila pa ren ako kay Francheska.

Sa kalagitnaan ng pakikipagsiksikan namin para makarating sa second floor eh parang biglang huminto ang oras.

Huminto din ako. Hawak-hawak ni Francheska ang kamay ko. Hinihila niya ako pero parang nasemento ang mga paa ko. Hila to death pa ren siya sa aken.

"I will not move from this place forever," chika ko kay Francheska habang nakasight ako sa bagets na kaniney ko pa ineeffort na masightchinabelles.

Wala nang nagawa si Francheska. Umisquierda na lang siya at jiniwan na akez doon sa kinatatayuan ko.

That whole time eh nakasight siya sa aken. Nakasight din akez sa kanya.

Hanggang sa lumapit na lang siya sa akin at ibinalot ang mga kamay namin sa isa't isa.

Nagyakapan kami nang super higpit na parang old lovers na first time uli nagkita after 47 years and 11 months.

At simula nang mga oras na iyon eh literal na witchelles na kami naghiwalay . . . . the first minute was counted . . . . and there are two thousand eight hundred and seventy nine more.

THE SURPRISE

2007-01-15T06:08:00.000-08:00

Contrary to what I've said . . . . . we didn't end up in a cheap motel . . . . haha!

It's more of a "Class B Motel"!

Anyway, he was great in bed. There is no other way to put it. It seemed nothing less than transfiguration. Conversing, he was fidgety and evasive, given to arrhythmic pauses and odd spasms of laughter. But when he got out of his clothes he took on the fluid self-assurance of a dancer. His physique was modest and sinewy, with veined arms and a prominent rib cage. That night, he was naked so quickly he might have been wearing a suit the kind that macho dancers in Chico's use. He was dressed one moment and nude the next, while I was still unfastening the last button of my shirt.

"Pa'no mo nagawa 'yon?" I asked.

He smiled, and helped me out of my own clothes. His movements were swift and efficient but gentle. He had abruptly traded his skittish, roving manner of calm focus and suave, unhurried competence. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid them tenderly down to my ankles, wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me, with only a hint of strain, up onto the bed.

I was not excited by him. I was excited by the idea of sex, the ease of it - I had gone out and caught someone, an unclaimed man who was mine to do with as I liked. I admit it - there was a streak of sadism in my lusts. There was the taint of vanity. I chose ordinary men who would not refuse; who would feel lucky to have me. I did not thrill to the sight of their flesh - which was either bulky or scrawny but always abashed and grateful - so much as I did to the fact of their capture. As Mr. Mind-Over-Matter set me on the bed I was aroused in the general, unfocused way that has become familiar. I would let him command the sex but I would leave the motel room undefeated. Part of me was already gone as our chests touched for the first time and our legs fumbled for position. I was more important than this. The excitement I felt was edgy and not entirely pleasant, like a swarm of bees inside my chest.

Mr. Mind-Over-Matter nuzzled my shoulder, ran his fingers lightly along my ribs. He had a dry powdery touch. There was something sweet about his earnestness and his elusive beauty. There was something dreadful about it.

He lay for a while on top of me, peppering my chest with kisses. Then he deftly revolved our bodies so that I was on top. I got a thorough look at him, for the first time. He was thin but big-boned, his abdomen is densely furred. His cock angled off to the right, raggedly skirted by a vein. His gaunt, hairy stomach and skewed cock suddenly repulsed me. Usually with strangers there was a moment of shock like this, when I fully comprehend the privacy of their bodies. Looking at his thin torso, I felt as if I had caught him in some indiscretion. I saw the otherness of him, and it flipped me over from excitement to disgust - my own agitation soured, and I began bluffing my way through, cramming his cock blindly into my mouth. I was already thinking of going home or just have an emergency drink with my friends. Even as it happened, this was a story I would tell them. We would shake our head together and discuss the perplexing scarcity of love.

"Relax", Mr. Mind-Over-Matter whispered. I didn't answer, because my mouth was full. When he repeated it, I pulled my head up and said, "I'm perfectly relaxed, thank you." I would make him come quickly, come myself, and be back in my own skin, free on the street, back in reality.

He slipped away, directing me to lie belly-down on the mattress.

"Masyado kang tensed," he said. I skeptically obeted, and he began massaging my back, tracing the curves of my shoulders and spine with his fingertips. "You're very tight," he said. Whatever that may have meant, I just said, "Thank you."

Against my better judgment, I consigned myself to his hands. I disliked being told I was tense - it seemed he had recognized a flaw in my character. For the occasion of sex I always slipped over into an identity that was not quite my own. When making love I was like my own hypothetical older brother, a strong, slightly cynical man who lived adventurously, without qualms that beset my other self. While at bed or on the MRT I daydreamed of powerful, angry men who needed me to ease their pain. In bed with meek strangers I thought only of quick orgasm and escape.

Mr. Mind-Over-Matter worked my back with ardent delicacy, his fingers expertly following the confluence of tendon and bone. When I remarked on his proficiency he said, "Pinag-aralan ko 'to". I would learn that he often to that to other people to earn money, stressing on the part that those services are strictly professional.

Under his ministrations, I relaxed almost against my will. Without having decided to, abruptly, I fell asleep. It was utterly unlike me. But I'd been keeping late hours, and working long days. The sensation resembled that of slipping under anesthetic. One moment I was awake, looking at wall with a boring wallpaper, and the next I was being roused from slumber by a kiss.

I startled, and nearly jumped off the bed. For a moment I lost track of everything. Where was I, and whose cologned jaw was this? "Shh," he whispered. "It's okay."

"Shit! Nakatulog ako?" I asked. I was groggy and ashamed. Had I snored? Had I drooled?

"Saglit lang naman, okay lang yon," he said. He kissed my neck and gently but steadily positioned himself between my legs.

"Sorry," I said. "Di ko naman sinasadyang tulugan ka . . . . "

"Ssshhh," he said, stopping me. "This is a dream you are having."

For some reason, I obeyed. Although my instinct was to return to myself, to quickly polish off the sex and get on about my business, I decided to relax. There was surprising, voluptuous pleasure in it. I let him manage things in and out lovemaking passed as if in fact I was dreaming. He carried it through the way a diligent student pursued all his projects, with scrupulous attention. If our coupling lacked the abandon of true passion it has a schooled solildity that was the next best thing. Mr. Mind-Over-Matter could perhaps write a full length novel in one sitting. I bet that he could even tell all the capitals of all the countries in the world. And he could tell how far to thrust, when to withdraw, when to throw in an unexpected move. I gave myself up to it. He enjoyed being in command, and I relinquished my own desire to impress.

We made love three times that night. After the first time we did not roll away. I didn’t make my escape. He held me, and I stroked his sparsely haired thigh. I could smell his sweat, which was sharp but not unpleasant. We embraced in silence for ten minutes or longer. Then he said, "Are you ready again?"

By the time I got dressed, the motel room lost some of its strangeness as if we live there.

I dressed and decided to go. He wanted for us to go down together but I insisted on going first, I wouldn't want a desire for us not to part our ways. It would be painful. I blew him a kiss and went out.

This was usually my favorite moment, after the sex was finished and I was restored to myself, still young and viable, free to go everywhere. That night, though, I felt irritated and weightless; I couldn't quite pick up my sense of myself. Cubao lay quietly in its bath of dark light. A group of hookers strolled the sidewalks and jeepneys roared by.

I was infused with a bodily pleasure that was intricately, brittlely edged in regret. Something had been lost, at least for the moment-some measure of possibility. I walked away, but couldn't shake the feeling. It followed me like a thief.

-THE END-

The 20+ mind-over-matter guy

2007-01-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

I was hesitant at first. I have never experienced a wholesome eyeball since . . . . like never. For people who are not familiar with the "eyeball" thingie, it would be my deepest pleasure to enlighten you on the matter. It is somewhat a jargon nowadays that is used when two people who were corresponding through text, internet (email, online community or chat) or like in the dark ages snail mail (penpal, as if it still exists), decided to meet after a certain amount of time. Well, it is really supposed to be wholesome, though in our world, there’s this thing that is called "S.E.B" or "Sex Eye Ball". This is usually applicable through chat . . . you enter a chatroom, which is more of like a meatshop (bagsakan ng karne) where you post an ad . . . . you state the things that you are looking for for a possible "hook-up" (this can be instant or scheduled). . . tall, short . . . lean, chub . . . goodlooking, average . . . . TOP or BOTTOM, etc. Or you can just browse through the main chatroom and fish while reading the ads . . . if you feel that you fall to that certain category that a certain chatter is looking for . . . you engage him in a privy . . . then you chat . . exchange pictures . . . sometimes talk dirty . . . and if you come to the point of mutual attraction . . exchange phone numbers . . . . and after 30 minutes . . . you are already having sex in a cheap motel room in Cubao or probably meet after two days or so depending on your availability.

Another reason why I'm hesitant is the fact that this meet-up was initiated by an online bond, which I find, more often than not, pretty much fragile and unrealistic. In the cyberworld, there are a lot of things that can be said . . . . and there's no way of telling if such things are true or just a product of a disturbed person's mind who created an alternate identity in the internet just to escape from reality - and why would someone want to escape something pleasant? You do the math!

After a couple of self-consultations, I finally made up my mind.

I will meet him.

We decided to have an early dinner at Italliani's in Gateway. Since he's from the North, it would just be fair for the both of us to meet there.

I thought I would be late, coming from Ortigas to Cubao. The traffic was grueling. I thought that traffic was always grueling, even if the heavens would open up and a storm of brim and stone would not make the traffic more comfortable. But the worst thing that could happen when you are stuck in traffic in a box-type taxi-cab with an aircon barely spitting "conditioned" air and you couldn't smell anything but diesel is when you are on your way on your first date and you are anticipating or rather expecting someone who would actually meet (or exceed) your standards. And while thinking about these things . . . the "what-ifs" arise from your polluted mind . . . What if I wouldn't like him? What if he looks different from the pictures you saw, as if he just went through a major surgical operation gone totally wrong? What if he couldn't talk about anything because he doesn't make any sense at all? What if he is a total psycho that would just tear your clothes apart in the middle of the restaurant and make love to you in front of all the people???? (uhmmmm . . . . that one can fall under the expectations list).

The thought of backing-out crossed my mind a couple of times but before I could really finally decide on what to do, I was already in Cubao.

There were no another choices but to get that night over with.

I arrived at Itallianni's ten minutes earlier and helped myself with the freebie bread that goes with the balsamic vinegar. They give you these things so that, as a customer, you wouldn't be able to stomach to change your mind and move to a cheaper restaurant once you realized that Cafe Bola is cheaper.

I was so overwhelmed with the bread and the fact that I would spend almost 300 pesos for pasta, I didn't see him enter and approached my table.

"Bernard?", he said trying to sound confident though the trembling of his voice is pretty much obvious.

I raised my head from the "golden" menu and stared at him for a second until I nodded my head and asked him to take a seat.

For a moment, I was relieved . . . . there were no signs of any major surgical operations gone wrong . . . he looks pretty much the same with his pictures, if not better.

His face was thin, and edgy, the nose and chin too sharply pointed for ordinary handsomeness, though his color was fair and his eyes were as innocent as a child's. His was the sort of face that, given a proneness to vanity, could be agonized over in a mirror - a face that could switch from beauty to plainness and back again. I've seen a lot of faces like that, the not-quite-handsome faces of young men and women who have been fussed over by their mothers and who believe, with rigorous if slightly apologetic hopefulness, that they can make a future with their looks.

And there we were, star-crossed voyagers sitting across one another hoping that that night would be the night that we were waiting for since the Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks tandem spurred the word "Hopeless Romantic".

We were silent, nobody spoke a word. Both of us tried hard to conceal whatever we were thinking and preoccupied ourselves with what to eat.

Until we ordered. Finally, he spoke! Hallelujiah! He can speak!

"How was your day?" he asked. A depth of scrutiny passed briefly behind his pallid eyes. He was trying, without deep conviction or curiosity, to figure me out.

I stopped my mouth from opening. I know myself, if somebody asks me how my day was, I'll go on ranting about sordid stuff, and that might go on forever. I thought that it wouldn't be a very nice impression if I do that at that moment.

So, I just said, "It was fine."

It was followed by a series of questions pitched from my side to his and from his to mine as if we're playing 20 questions.

One question. One answer.

One question. One Answer.

Until, we got the hang of it and we became at ease at each other, we started to expound what we were saying. The conversation went along over the sour pasta. It just went on and went on.

We were talking as if we knew each other for a very long time. We share some thoughts. Words and stories just flowed out of our mouths like the Grand Rapids rushing to get to the vast ocean.

After the dinner, we shared the bill.

On our way out, he asked me if I was already tired.

I looked at my watch, it's only 9. Still early. So, I told him, not really.

He smiled and asked if I want to get a drink.

I looked around. We were in Cubao. Where in the world are we supposed to drink there?

He said he knows a place. Quite shabby and not very fancy.

I said yes, why not.

We walked around Araneta while still making "kuwento", he was telling me about his misadventures about love and relationship. We share the common sentiment . . . . both of us our sour losers when it comes to love. And while walking, I just noticed that his arm is around my shoulder.

I have to admit, there was a blush moment there.

We got to Aurora, near the LRT2 station.

We crossed the street, pass the "bugaws" and "the girls" that would come to you and whisper 'Sir, babae po ?

If only they knew . . . . I thought.

Finally, we got to this place . . . . . PALAWAN.

It looks like an ordinary KTV bar that you would expect to see in places like Cubao. But I never thought that that place was a haven for badinggerzies from all walks of life and appearance.

He asked if I've been to that place.

I said that that was my first time. And I was quite shocked to see that on a Wednesday night and at that time . . . . it’s already packed.

It is a kind of place that really wouldn't matter how it looks like or what you're drinking but rather what matters the most are the people who are going there. The people that you can meet. In short, it is a big fishing ground!

There was this feeling, as we walk through the place, of eyes glaring at you as if scrutinizing every inch of your body.

We occupied a small table in a dark corner. We ordered beers and I told him that the place was nice.

And then, we walked our way again through a conversation talking about the usual things, this time, delivered brief accounts of our origins and ambitions.

Mr. Mind-Over-Matter was all edgy inattention, the sort of a person who shreds napkins and taps his feet and fails to hear fully half of what's said to him.

After what seemed to both of us a decent interval – three beers and casually flirting one another – we decided to check in to the nearest hotel where he introduced his surprise . . . .

2 be continued . . . . . .

D' REVOLUTION

2006-12-20T05:30:00.000-08:00

I do not want to sound hypocritical and untruthful but I guess, I have said enough. I finally decided to make a major shift in my life. I have a new job, in a new company and in a brand new world so different from what I've been used to . . . . I have rummaged around for love but I failed. But what can I do . . . that is life. I could be the most beautiful man in the world but if these things are really bound to happen, I guess that even the mighty Cher couldn't help it.

And as much as I wanted to continue this blog the way I kept it for the past year or so, I could no longer summon the energy and inspiration that I used to have. I know that if not all, most of you would be disappointed. So, bear with me. I’ll write this way as of the moment, until I can find the "badinggerzie" in me, again.

But life goes on . . . . . and my stories are still bound to be told . . . .

Picking up from my last confrontation with love and my "very well said" failure being dumped and all . . . I can say that the hairsplitting days were over and the moments of self-pity were already thrown in the train to the city of "forget-all-about-him". I could only grieve so much and if I'll let myself down for long, I would be a walking cadaver by now.

So, I let it all slip my mind and go through with my gay life.

And what is the best way to get over a very tormenting emotional pain but to replace it with a very excruciating and yet pleasurable physical exercise? And is there any other more convenient place to find it aside from the web?

I opened my G4M account after an era of disbelief because honestly, I'm not much of a fan of the well-chiseled abs, perfect smile and Adobe-Photoshopped pictures of guys in there but I told myself, "What the hell . . . . ."

And the search began . . . . .

I am a practicing homosexual since God knows when, I've been through both ends of the homosexual spectrum, I've seen all shapes and sizes . . . . and so I thought. As I browse through G4M, I can't help but wonder where in the f*cking world did these guys come from. I mean, don't get me wrong . . . . these are not just guys . . . . . that you see in your everyday life . . . . some of them didn't even cross my wet imaginations. I couldn't help but just clench my teeth because I know that that is the most I could do.

I want to be realistic . . . . so I just passed through their pages, really not thinking of hooking up with them, you know, because I don't want another anthology of heartache.

My own capacity for devotion is hypothetically focused on certain guys I saw walking the streets: strong-looking men who didn't aspire to conventional fame or happiness, who cleaved the air with definitive thoughtlessness. I looked as unobtrusively as possible at naive-looking guys who don't seem to exist, sullen college guys, and tough, cute boys who appear to be just in their post-puberty age but already thinking that they know everything.

I knew my interests were probably unhealthy. But they remained - they were the geography of my desire. A particular boy I saw sometime at the MRT with unkempt hair and an irritated expression could make me tingle by brushing my elbow with his sleeve.

And so . . . from one personal page to another . . . . I continued the search based from my "unhealthy" interests.

A couple of guys stood out.

One is a college student, studying somewhere in U-Belt, 19 years old and quite troubled and disturbed.

Another one looks boyish but he's already in his mid-twenties, working as a finance analyst, geeky as he may appear but based from his profile . . . I sensed depth and sincerity.

The third one is tough-looking, with the tattoo and a goatee going on, in a black sando with this "astig-ako" look plastered on his face. He looks dangerous but I guess still worth the try . . . . . anyway, I do not have any intentions of marrying him.

The fourth one is somewhat ordinary. 20+, lives with his folks, looking for a job, loner, loves music and reading books . . . . he'd prefer mind over matter.

And there were like a dozen more that I sent private messages to.

A part of me felt icky from what I just did but the majority said, there's really no harm in trying . . .

I wanted to surprise myself . . . . so I waited for like three days or so before I opened my account and saw a couple of messages. Most of which didn't make sense at all . . . and there were only two who made favorable responses: the ordinary, 20+ mind-over-matter guy and the geeky-finance-analyst.

Messages were exchanged to and fro until we came to the texting period, as what the usual routine would most probably dictate . . . . until a decision would be made to finally meet.

It was the 20+ mind-over-matter guy who first decided to meet me.

To be continued . . . . .

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR d' END

2006-12-01T06:54:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to be happy . . . . to be genuinely happy. I couldn't ask for more. How hard could that be? Juggling more than one thing at a time has its drawbacks. But what could I do? I'm just one person . . . . I am taking care of a lot of responsibilities aside from myself. And there you go . . . my life has become a toilet duck being flushed down the drain.

I used to believe in the word love. The overrated, sugar-coated, backstabbing bitch called love. Not only once, not only twice, I've been a victim of it . . . countless of times, I end up staring at a ceiling ready to crack my skull open. Until the time came when I became sick and tired of it. I've became immune to its ridiculousness and its deceptive way to draw somebody into a pit full of double edged swords.

But then, once in a while, there's this imperceptible desire in me that I so wanted to ignore most of the times, but for as long as I don't pay attention to it, the more stronger it becomes. Maybe, it's human nature and there's nothing to do about it but to take action and God knows what will happen next.

I thought that I could find somebody that would complete me. I wanted somebody that could relate to me, somebody who has sense and could speak his mind. My past involvements with other guys consist of a patchwork of unwanted and wanted qualities that lead to nothing but a second-hand emotion. And then, somebody would step into my life . . . somebody that I could visualize as a person that would eventually accept and love me from dusk till dawn. But my charred optimism would only last to some extent until I realize that I’m dreaming wide awake because I wouldn’t stand a chance.

As of the moment, I'm writing this because I'm sadder than a stray kitten.

Some people would be afraid to admit this kind of things, but since that I have been totally honest in this blog, I might as well share my excruciating grief that I so painstakingly try not to feel.

I WAS DUMPED.

For the past few weeks, I tried to figure out what did I do the last time that we saw each other. Because the communication just died abruptly as if I never existed. I thought that maybe perhaps, he's just busy and all since his schedule in his work changed every now and then. I tried texting him a couple of times but all I got are cold and unfeeling replies. I figured I must have done something. But I couldn't think of any.

And then, earlier this afternoon, due to the depressing post-storm atmosphere and the fact that I spent the whole day just lying in bed, I decided to get in touch with him.

"Why do I have this feeling that you are deliberately isolating yourself from me?" I asked.

"I dunno rin. Maybe we became busy. And I read ur latest post and ure with Ronald na so I didn't bother 2 bug u na," he replied.

I paused for a while, thinking of my previous post in this godforsaken blog.

Then I replied, "Hus Ronald? U let urself be botherd by that post? Im not with anybody naman. Im still hoping that ud give me a chance. Bt I dnt knw if ur rily willing."

After a couple of minutes, the bomb finally landed in Hiroshima, "I got a BF na. Sa totoo lang, I got dismayed by your last post, go figure y."

At a moment, I could've wished that the earth would just open up and eat me alive.

But what else could I do?

I'm in no position to force myself into someone, who maybe, just forced himself to entertain me, in the first place.

And so I said, "That's all what I needed to hear. Thanks for the time."

The butterflies in my stomach turned into grey and coarse moths drilling their way into my innards. The happy thoughts turned to nightmares like sandcastles meticulously built in hours and just washed away by a monstrous wave in a blink of an eye. Thunderclouds overcast their dark shadows on my rainbow of hopefulness.

The spoonful of sugar turned into a bitter concoction that made me want to throw-up.

AN AFURFURFAIR TO REMEMBER

2006-11-16T01:13:00.000-08:00

Sa totong buhay lang eh witchelles ko talaga betchay ang magcelebrate evur ng birthday. As in . . . kasi parang witchelles ko naman betchay ang concept na mega-happy ka na another year has gone by and eynimomentzzz eh pakyonti na nang pakyonti evur ang mga araw na ilalagak mey ever sa mundo. Meaning . . . pa-nearness of you na nang panearness of you . . . ang the momentz of ligwakan portion . . . tegibums is just around the corner!

In total fairness kay Atty Katrina Legarda eh naloka naman akey nang naloka, dahil ni witchelles ko man na-organize ng maayos ang sarili kong birthday evur. Dalawang back to baklang projects with Nickelodeon and Honda ang niratrat ng beauty kez first and second week of November. Ni witchelles ko nga learn kung dugo pa ba ang nanalaytay sa mga ugat kez eh puro C2 na at Lipovitan Ira. Pakshet!

Sa una eh betchay kong mag-more Government, since super feel at home but then witchelles ko kineri ang budjey na super-quote ni friendship Josh. Nakakadugo ng matres at parang baka after ng party eh malaglag na lang bigla ang mga nagningningan kong balakang!

Hanggang sa may nirekomenda ang isang friendiva kez sa workaloo na si Roxanne sa isang simplicity of culture na lugar ever sa Kamagong.

So hayun na nga, 2 days before D-Day eh inatakan namen ang bar-baran portion. Isa siyang payak na lugar . . . as in . . payak kung payak itu . . . ang may-jori ever eh isang guitarista ng isang nag-flopchinang rock band some one-hundred years ago. Kakaloka. So, more rock-rockan portion ang eksena doonchie . . . as in . . . na parang dinaanan ng sampung super thunderstorm at wala silang ginawa . . . .so very butch! Ang sakit sa bangs! Muntik nang dumugo ang mga bagang ko. But then, ala nang choice . . . at well, maganda naman and fair ang quote na ginivesung niya sa ‘kin good for sixty utawsingbelles with light lafang and more and more and more na nomu. So go na lang ng go! Join na lang ng join!

The night itself eh wala na rin akong panahong makapagpaparlor pa dahil sa sobrang kangaragan. Imagine, that Saturday morning eh saka lang natapos ang Honda event. So . . . less ang preparation sa pagpapabyonda. Shower na lang ang naging katapat.

Early evening eh I had dinner with my closest friends sa Café Bola . . . . Claude, in his most behaved mood (dahil nga daw moment ko yon) and Kiara, na kumain ng isang galong itim na eye liner para lang sa 80’s motiff ko! Ninamnam namin ang sinigang na lechon na may pakwan ni Margarita Fores! Si Rica naman eh nagmiganju . . . nag-meet lang kami earlier that afternoon para lang igivesung niya ang nyexpensive niyang gift sa ‘kin na shubangong pang-menthol! At bukod don eh naisipan pa niyang mag-sponsor ng sampung cases ng berangju. Ohhhh . . . laban kayo? Bisi-bisihan lang ang lola Rica ko dahil if I’m not mistaken eh meron siyang bagong karir . . . but ang nakakalokang factor don . . eh ewan ko rin kung paniniwalaan ko siya . . . . HIV+ ang bago niyang karir. Tumbling! (Saka na lang nating pagkwentuhan ang eksenang itu . . dahil as I said . . . moment ko toh! Hahahaha)

From Greenbelt eh direcho na kami sa venue, dahil may mga naunang mga bisitang witchelles ko learn kung saanchienabelles nagmula.

Pag-atak ko doonchie eh may-I-present tense na ang mga mudra, sisiterbelles, brotherbelles, friends ng sisterbelles at friends ng friends ng brotherbelles ng mga nyolaga naming bagets ng supermau. Wicthelles ko na-foresee na kelangan ko pa lang mag-entertain ng mga thundercats na lafangan ang habol.

Anyway, andun na sila . . . . . medyo close din naman sila sa ‘kin one way or the other . . . so mega-palafang na lang.

Hanggang sa lumalilm na nang lumalilm ang gabi at nagdatingan portion na ang mga old and new friendivas from all chapters of my life!

Dumating din ng maaga ang boss ko, si Ursula, with her super hottie bagtes lover na napulot niya kung saan mang gaybar. Kakaloka. Siya lang naman ang may pinaka-daks na boses doonchie na parang siya ang hostess ng party ever.

Ininvite ko si Mr. Spoonful of Sugar. Dumating naman siya with 3 other friends. Kaso di rin ako masyadong nakasegway sa kanya dahil unang-una eh nung dumating sila eh parang humiwalay na ang kaluluwa ko sa katawan ko sa sobrang kalasingan at pangalawa eh super jiyaers portion din akembang sa mga kajointlackles niyang friendivas.

Meron pa kong isang unexpected guest na dumating . . . . na-meet ko siya sa Subic ‘nung ginawa namin yung Subic Bay Pride, isa siya sa mga prime movers ng “Ang Ladlad” at in fairness ‘nung mga time sa Subic na iyonchie eh medyo nakakiligan ko siya at mejo kumibot din ang natutulog kong mga tinggil. Akala ko talaga eh witchelles na kami magsa-sight sight ever. So nasurprise naman daw ako sa presence niya with matching lips to lips pagdating na buti na lang witchelles nasight ni Mr. Spoonful of Sugar (sana).

Pero ang pinakanakakaloka eh ang pagdating ni Raymond. Syet! Banggitin ko talaga ang pangalan niya da ‘vah? Anyway, si Raymond naman eh matagal nang friend ni Kiara. Matagal ko na rin siyang kakilala at matagal ko na rin siyang krases pero wala lang chances and opportunity kaya witchelles ko ma-pursue ang kung anuman sa kanya. Naloka na lang ako nung nagtext-sami siya sa ‘ken ang few days before my birthday to greet me in advance. At nag-meet pa kami 2 days before. Mireseng suyudin niya ang Pasay para lang hanapin akey hey hey hey! Super ask pa siya kung anechiwa raw ang betchay kong gift from him, chika ko naman eh witchelles naman akong materyosong tao . . . na maski presence lang niya eh kering-keri na . . . then, sabay hiret siya . . gusto mo sarili ko na lang ang i-gift ko sa yo . . . naloka naman daw ako don . . sabay banat na . . . gusto mo eh ibalot ko pa . . . . kakaloka . . . hanggang sa sinakyan ko na lang . . chika ko na wag na niyang ibalot dahil huhubarin ko rin naman! Hahahaha. Bastos ko noh!? Sorry! Ang pagkakatrina talaga eh waing jinijiling panahon at walang jinijiling oras.

So, hayon na nga . . . . more nomu na sa party . . . di ko na alam kung pano ko hahatiin ang katawan ko dahil ang guests ko eh deadma sa isa’t isa.

Hanggang sa nagkaroon na ng elimination portion at natira na lang talaga ang mga super-closest sa ‘kin . . . HighSchool friends, si Grace at si Francheska, friends from former work . . si Madonna . . . si Kiara, si Claude . . . at higit sa lahat . . nagpaiwan si Raymond.

No holds bar na ang labanan sa inuman at sa kantahan . . . pati kami ni Raymond eh no holds bar na ren . . dahil na rin siguro sa sobrang kakatihan ko at bunsad ng pagdaloy nang kakaibang mala-demonyong tadkyak ng alkohol eh hindi ko na namalayan na pinagjujubad ko na si Raymond sa harapan ko infront of the others . . . . at ang luko-loko naman eh walang patumanggang may-I-follow.

Hanggang sa hayon . . . nauwi din sa uwian ang lahat. Witchelles ko na nga learn kung paano pa akey hey hey nakajuwi nung mga oras na yon . . .

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR (PART 2)

2006-11-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

It was not so much of a date actually . . . . one afternoon, I just so happened to be in the Greenbelt area. I texted him, it's just one of those random texts that I sent him when I feel like blabbering things happening in my day to day activity (as if there's much to blabber about). It was already late in the afternoon, I thought that he'd be drowsing off already 'coz he has this Eastern Standard Time bodyclock being a call(center)boy. I'm not even expecting anything. And then, he replied . . . he was in G4 playing arcade.

Over the boiling coffee of McCafe with a slight wind caused by a mild drizzle . . . I smiled. The dark clouds covering the afternoon sky was definitely in contrast to my "Sunny Sunday Morning" feeling. I could've felt like a colegiala being tickled in the clitoris for the first time.

It was a weird smile, I must admit. Suddenly, my monster of a production assistant looked at me and asked if I'm okay.

"I'm more than okay," I replied.

Then I started to compose my text message for HIM.

We have been planning for a meet-up (or date, or whatever you wanna call it) for weeks and our schedules wouldn't agree with each other. Me, being a slave of the entertainment and the events industry . . . on-call 24/7 . . . and him being . . . a . . oh well . . . . a callcenter boy. There had been a lot of re-scheduling and a lot of cancellations . . . it was like fixing the sched of Cher in her 4th Farewell concert and Barbra's ressurection in her current US tour.

Anyway, that very afternoon, the inevitable happened.

I told him where exactly I was and that I was supposed to meet with a client but after two and half hours, there was still no sign of any client. I could've made use of that wasted time bringing my rollers and blow-dry and fixing myself a Farrah Faucet hair, it was such a waste of time not until . . . . he told me that he'll drop by.

Suddenly, I felt that most of my blood left my head and went to God knows which part of my body. I don't know if it's because I was ecstatic that I would be finally meeting him again and that I would be able to cast my eyes on those beautiful eyes, well-accentuated jaws, the five-o'clock shadow and not to mention that "kutis-kamagong skin" or if it's because of the fact that I haven't had a decent sleep for the past 48 hours and that it would be a total understatement if I said that I looked like shit.

Anyway, there was no turning back . . . . it's either face the fact that I looked like shit and I had the guts to meet him or I had the guts to meet him and I looked like shit.

After a couple of minutes . . . . I guess that was the longest fifteen-minute wait of my entire life, I saw him from afar. I waved at him, I stood up and headed to the entrance of McCafe to greet him. I was just able to make a few steps when I heard the high-pitched voice of my client blaring at me like a wild goose whose feathers are being plucked at that instant. I just smiled and whispered to Bing, my monster of a production assistant to accommodate our gargantuan client for a while and that since she's late, I have to attend to a high-priority appointment.

I left the two monsters at peace for a while as I approached him and shook and his hand. My god! I haven't seen that face for a long time and I could've sworn to God that that face fucking haunted me in my (wet)dreams for years.

We went out of McCafe and began to walk. It was those kinds of walks that could've seemed senseless at first because of not having any directions at all but in the end, it was a kind of walk . . . . that . . . pardon me for sounding so Mandy Moorish . . . is worth remembering.

We went around Greenbelt in that dark afternoon and talked about a lot of stuff. There were a lot of catching up and a lot of clarifications because of us having a not-so-verbal relationship in the past.

And we walked and walked . . . . .

In ordinary days, I could curse that walk . . . but in that special day . . . those meters (or kilometers) are worth the walk.

I really do not know why I'm writing so much about a fucking walk but anyway, I really couldn't hide the fact that I enjoyed that very short time with him.

And then, we both decided to see each other again.

+++++++

My life has become an emotional rollercoaster for the past few months, that is also one of the reasons why I haven't really attended to this blog of mine for quite a while. Being a brother, a son . . . working your fucking ass night and day . . . having friends who sometimes drag you to their misery . . . . having a fucking boytoy who actually thought that he could milk you like a cow . . . is not so much of an easy task to do.

And sometimes, when we feel down . . . and when we feel that there's no one else left in this world aside from your-self-pitying-crybaby-suicidal-self . . . we look for a little spark of hope somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light, as James Ingram and Linda Rondstadt once said.

And then, you hold on to something immaterial . . . . to a faith you've lost long ago (or you decided to throw away).

I no longer know what I'm saying here. But I need to do my segue already or this will bore the shit out of you guys . . . . .

As our dear supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary Poppins once said . . . . a spoonful of sugar helps the medicince go down . . . however bitter life is . . . . however painful the last night fuck is . . . . we could still look at the brighter side of things.

If you feel REJECTION staring at you in the face . . . . . no worries . . . . we can all get hold of OLAY + . . . to battle the seven signs of aging! At least . . REJECTION can stare on a seemingly not-aging beautiful face.

++++++++

Another year will be added to my lifeline this coming November 11. I am hosting a party that very same date . . . . . . I want you guys to show your love and be with me on SATURDAY !!!!!

It will be a mini-event with a mini-walk-off of some of the most sought-after models in the industry. And also . . . a "Thank You Party" of one of my very special friends who left the "house" a couple of weeks ago.

This invitation is open to everyone . . . . big or small . . . gay, straight, or straight-pretending to be gay just for the fun of it or gay-pretending-to-be-straight-for-no-reason-at-all or whatever . . . . .

If you're coming, just shoot me an email so that I could send the invitation to you!

++++++

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR . . . .

2006-10-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

As most people would dare notice, this is my first entry after a hundred and so years of hiatus and that this is somewhat or rather completely different entry as opposed to my previous ones.

I've been busier than a carabao during plowing season these past few months because the final quarter of the year is just around the corner and projects keep on coming.

Anyway, this entry is dedicated to myself! I hope I like it! Echoz! Seriously, this entry is especially for a person that is yet to become a very important part of my life (I Hope!!!! I'm so conceited.. Harharhhar!) And he's probably reading this right now.

I have met this person a few years back when my life consisted of basically nothing aside from the fact that I was in my self-discovery phase and my world revolved around deviance, self-expression, pride, marijuana, alcohol, endless parties, egoistic exercises, and conceiving a grand masterplan to eradicate the entire human existence among others. I was lost, and I hate everything that walks, talks, and those who do not put on blush-on properly and have no idea of how valuable SPF 15 is. Anyway, going back to the guy, we met during some gathering that I now find so ridiculous, I couldn't even write anything about it.

To be honest, I had a huge crush on him . . . as in huge . . . but I was so self-absorbed to even notice or acknowledge my attraction to him.

He was simple, quiet but then even before, I could sense that he has a deeper and captivating personality. What I could remember, if my memory serves me right, is that he had this certain fun-loving yet enigmatic aura that made me gravitate toward him as a blackhole sucks everything in its vicinity. I could also remember that I used to keep his picture in my wallet. I don't know how I got hold of that, I don't know if I asked him for that, or I asked somebody to ask him. That I really can't remember. Anyway, it was this passport size picture, though how unflattering it may sound, it still gives me this hair-raising, jaw-clenching-hands-clasping-on-a-table moment of bliss. However, I lost my wallet, we lost communication and there goes the bliss (as if there was really a communication). And oh! By the way, at those times, he had this not-so-uber-hot but . . . . still hot lover whom compared to me is like comparing a butterfly to a moth.

So, for a couple of years, he was just part of my selective memory stashed somewhere in the attic of my subconcious together with the boa feathers and the off-shoulder shirts. . . . .

And then . . . I discovered G4M. Now I know, it sound sooooooo stereotypical but hey! A gay's got to do what a gay's got to do. And besides, I do not want to be stuck in the siberia of cyberworld, forever writing in this blog, while knitting all the flags of the 266 countries of the world.

It was so funny 'coz I came across this forum or thread or whatever the hell you wanna call it - that talks about blogs, gay blogs for that matter. I was surprised to see that some guys recommended badinggerzie. And then, I saw this certain guy in the thread, 'coz they have their pictures also posted there, who sparked a tingling effect in my stomach.

He said there, "I like badinggerzie . . . "

"What the hell," I said to myself and doubleclicked his profile and sent him a message. By the way, due to privacy reasons, I am usng a different name in G4M.

My message to him goes like, "badinggerzie likes you too."

Okay fine!!! Guilty as charged! You can shoot me in Luneta if I won't say that the reason I flirted with him was that I liked his picture and secondly, he has an interest with me (badinggerzie). Sometimes, it gets confusing when you have multiple personalities online. Anyway, I did not read his profile.

After a few days when I sat again in from of my computer with a smile plastered on my face, the same smile that a seven year old girl probably has on her birthday waiting for that surprise gift, which she knows will be a barbie doll, togther with a barbie house, an entire spring collection, a barbie car and of course, Ken . . . . I opened my G4M account and it says there somewhere that I have a message and that I have to go to my message inbox to read (Duh?! I might be gay but Im not stupid to look for my message in the "edit profile folder")

Anyway, the message was from him. I opened it as excited as the sexless jollibee.

The message from him was: "How did you know?"

Then, I smiled, the bridget jones smile and sent a reply: "Let's just say that I am very close to him . . . . "

After that, we had a couple of message exchanges that lasted for about a week or so until he decided to give me his number.

I texted him . . . now, it was more convenient, I do not have to wait for days for a reply.

On our text phase . . . he mentioned that I am somewhat familiar to him. (At this time, I haven't recognize him yet as the guy that I used to have a huge crush on). And he asked if we have already met each other, then, he asked me if I know this certain "friend", he dropped a name, and from there . . . I knew that he was HE whom I owe a lot of my faceless wetdreams that has been bothering me these past few years! Echoz!

Yeah! That's him! That was the guy that I was looking at during those "gatherings" from afar.

After a few more grueling text exchanges for days . . . . . he asked if he can ask me out . . . .

To be continued......

HALLER ALL!!!!!!

2006-09-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Olryt!

So, I just wanted you to know that Im still alive, breathin and kickin and im still GAY.

Sobrang bisi-bisihan lang ako this past few weeks and witchelles akez makakorva ditangchie.

Also, a very special friend of mine got in sa Pinoy Dream Academy kaya witchelles ren ako magkandaugaga.

OKay. I promise you guys. Ill be right back as soon as Im free na.

I love you all. Be fabulous always.

PS. Sinong nagwatch ng COsmo bachelors this year? Anu ang maichichika nyo?

SUBIC BAY PRIDE

2006-08-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

Bago ang lahat eh nais ko sanang magbigay ng isang live update!

Sa mga oras na itekla eh nasa Subic akembang. Halos dalawang linggo na ang beauty ko ditey. Dahil nga may magaganap na GAY PRIDE ditey sa AUGUST 18! Kaya super-invite akez sa mga kachokara na join lang ng join at go lang ng go!

Nagsimula ang lahat nang nahire ang company ko to do a fashion show in Subic last June. Nabetan nila ang eksena namin and asked me to do another event in Subic. This time in a much larger scale, syempre eh for more tourism ecklavu ang labanan.

So . . . I came up with an idea.

The first time I met with the higher officials ng Subic Bay, with a hangover, and armed only with one specimen poster . . . . ang naging unang bungad ko for that meeting eh, "Is it okay to be GAY in SUBIC BAY?" Naloka ang mga officials, who were the typical daddy-yo beaurocrats. Wa ispluk ang mga lolo ko for a moment.

Hanggang sa may isang nag-ask kung why am I asking that question . . .

"Coz if its yes," sabay labas ng poster, "I'm giving you the biggest event this place would experience. I give you SUBIC BAY PRIDE."

And it all rolled down the hill.

Bet nila ang concept. Even though that it is not summer but still . . . . the target market would be . . . who else . . . kung hindi mga kapatid sa pananampalataya.

In fairness, ngayon ko lang narealize na in my years of experience working in productions and events eh I never really did a GAY EVENT. The closest siguro is my college production of "Hanggang Dito na Lamang Po at Maraming Salamat."

Aside from doing Third Sex in the City na kung minsan eh witchelles ko na rin naman napapanindigan dahil sa sobrang kangaragan eh I thought of something that can mix business with pleasure. This is my way of contributing to the community.

The plan is to have a pride parade in the afternoon of the 18th. And a total kick-straight-ass party in the evening. We have tapped some of the best impersonators and gay singers to bring to life our lifelong dreams of becoming Madonna or Cher even for one night. Merong ding fashion show na magaganap. Oh well, di basta-basta fashion show itu kundi STRIP FASHION SHOW featuring the industry’s top ramp models donned in sizzling clothes from CHILI. Well at first, my idea is TOPS&BOTTOMS, but since tinarayan kami eh deadma na sa pagkajoin. Im still waiting if Government would agree to send some of their powerful Gogo Boys to grace the event. ICON agreed to participate in the event. Siyempre haves din ng DJs for the hardcore clubbing part and since the theme of the event is Rainbow Carnivale, of course magkakaroon ng Star of the Night.

Tapos hayon na nga. We targeted major corporate sponsors and some non-government organizations that would catch the attention of Manila Gays and actually drag them to Subic. That was one of our major problems. Local marketing was easy, the dilemma was inviting the right more people from outside Subic.

Then halfway through the preparations we received a call from Danton Remoto, whose heading "ANG LADLAD" (that might actually run for patylist representation this coming elections) and expressed his interest in participating in the said event and actually lead the Pride Parade.

As of the moment eh confirmed na ang ANG LADLAD to be present for the event. Im expecting a positive answer din from UP BABAYLAN.

Mostly, I dont write specific things about my work. But since, purong kabaklaan itekcla at ang event na ito eh sobrang malapit sa puso . . . IM WRITING THIS TO ASK FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

Im extending my invitation to all the utawsingbelles na super-read ng Third Sex in the City, bakla man . . .tomboy man . . . misis o mister man . . . . virgin o hindi. I hope that you could come and participate in this event (or at least help in spreading the news! I believe that the most effective form of publicity is word of mouth, but of course, it’s the best when it is the word of gay)

I guarantee that you’ll enjoy this. This would be the first biggest gay pride celebration held outside Manila. We have convinced all the hotels and restos in Subic to DROP their rates from 20 to 50 percent and they agreed.

Now, if there are still active organizations out there who might be willing to participate . . . I can offer a free transpo and hotel accommodations for 3 nights and 2 days.

If we can do a successful PRIDE in SUBIC then, the rest will follow! Patunayan natin sa buong bansa na powerful talaga ang mga badinggerzie!

Kere?!

Kere!!

****
FOR MORE INFO YOU CAN CONTACT ME AT 09166024302

SUBIC BAY PRIDE!!!!!!!!

2006-08-01T03:43:00.000-07:00

MGA MIYEMBRO NG SANGKABADINGGERZIEHAN!!!!!

UMATAK NA SA NAG-IISA AT KAUNA-UNAHANG PRIDE PARTY EVER

SA LABAS NG MANAYLUS!!!!!!

ISANG DAKIL NA PARTY NA INIHAHATAG PARA SA MGA BET MAG-OUT-OF-TOWN EVERRRRRR!!!!!

BROUGHT TO YOU EVER BY NONE OTHER THAN "BADINGGERZIE" together with SUBIC BAY FREEPORT, ICON MAGAZINE, and SLIMMERS WORLD INTERNATIONAL!

KERE?!

KERE!!

HOTELS

Bayfront Hotel & Restaurant
Standard Room - Php2, 125netInclusive of breakfast for two.10% on food charges (weekdays only)

Subic Homes
2 Bedrooms – Php 3,900net3 Bedrooms – Php 4,500net4 Bedroom – Php 5,100net

Casablanca (Racerock)
Family Room – Php1, 800netTwin Room – Php1, 600net

Legenda Hotel
Superior Room – Php3, 200netDeluxe Room – Php3, 800net20% on food & beverages

Grand Seasons Hotel
Superior Room – Php2, 800netDeluxe Room - Php3, 200net20% on food & beverages

Legenda Suites
One Bedroom Suite – Php2, 800netTwo Bedroom Suites – Php3, 800net20% on food & beverages

Magellan’s (VASCO’S)
Regular – Php1, 500netFamily – Php2, 100net

Subic International Hotel
Deluxe Room – Php2, 500netExtra Person – Php650netSuperior Room – Php4, 000netExtra Person – Php750net Inclusive of plated breakfast for two.

Vista Marina
Double/Twin Deluxe – Php2, 900netJunior Suite – Php3, 700netExecutive Suite – Php4, 200netInclusive of breakfasts for two, FREE use of swimming pool, FREE use of internet & coffee inside the room.

Courtyard Inn
Superior Room – Php2, 042.50netDeluxe Room – Php2, 660.00netFamily Suite – Php3, 562.50netInclusive of breakfast for two.

Camayan Beach Resort
Standard Room - Php3, 960netInclusive of breakfast for two, FREE access to beach, and 25% discount at Ocean Adventure.

Boardwalk Inn
Standard Room – Php1, 600net (Weekdays)Php1, 800net (Weekends)

RESTAURANTS

Gerry’s Grill
10% discount for cash payment5% discount for card payment

Cocolime Restaurant
5% discount

Olongapo Food Corp.
20% discount on food

Subic Bay Aqua Sports
20% discount for their Restaurant

===== To verify those who avail of the discounts, an SBMA discount card should be issued to them. Please ask the Toursim Office when you call for your Hotel Reservations about the discount card. =====

OTHER SERVICES
Rit’z Tropical Spa
20% discount on Spa services for Filipino residents only

Zoobic Safari Corp.
Php295/adult and Php195 for kids

Ocean Adventure
20% Park admission to hotel guest and other special interactive programs such as Dolphin Encounter.

***
PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT AVAILABILITY OF THESE DISCOUNTS IS LIMITED. WE HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU CALL THE FOLLOWING TO DO YOUR ADVANCED BOOKINGS:

S.B.M.A. TOURISM OFFICE
+63 47 252 4195

*******

YOU as in YOU as in IKAW!!!!!!

Kung bet mong jumoin . . . . eh text MELCH at 09166024302 to be BADINGGERZIE's VERY IMPORTANT BADING!!!! Join lang ng join !!!!!

BAWAL NA PAG-IBIG (IKALAWANG KABANATA)

2006-07-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

DAY 1 sa BAHAY NI KUYA

Isang umaga, kasabay ang tostadong maling at 3-day old na gardenia eh biglang tumalak si Kiara:

"Mamah . . . . sa sobrang kabisihan mo at sa tinagal-tagal mong nawala dito sa balaybay mo eh wizzels mo nang nalalaman ang mga kaganapan dito."

"Baket? Ano ang latest chismis?" shornong kez with matching taas-kilay.

Wala nang ibang tao sa baler kundi kaming dalawa na lang, pero super sighteous pa ren si Kiara sa paligid na as if merong mga ispiyang umaali-aligid. Binaba niya ang siyensi na hawak at hininaan ang apoy sa ginagawa niyang kamote-que. Shumorbi siya sa kinajujupan kez at pabulong na shumorlak:

"Hindi ko sure ha . . . pero feeling ko eh there’s something fishy goin on . . . "

Napatingin lang akez sa kesame. Wa ispluk . . . .

"Anoba? Hindi mo ba nafi-feel?"

"Ang alen?", chika ko. In fairness, witchelles ko talaga ma-feel . . . . may pagkasanib pa naman ang baklang Kiara paminsan-minsan.

"Ang brudra mo . . . "

"Anong chismis sa brudra ko?"

"At ang alaga mo . . . . "

Sa chinika ni Kiara eh bigla ko tuloy nalunok ang nilapsalauriat kong maling nang walang nguyaan portion.

Pero . . . I doubt pa ren ang drama ko.

Hanggang sa . . . .

"Alam mo ba kung sino ang nagpa-plantsa ng mga damit ni Bunso kapag nagmamadali siya at late na siya sa raket niya?"

Deadma.

"Alam mo ba kung kanino siya nagpapamasahe kapag masakit ang mga kasu-kasuan niya?"

Deadma another . . . .

"Alam mo ba . . . . . kung kanino siya nagpapalagay 'nung body-scrub na binili mo sa body-shop na amoy kamanyang . . . "

Teka . . . . .

"Truelsa Clench mamah! At wala nang iba . . . . "

I doubt pa ren . . . chika ko sa sarili ko. Sabay bera kay Kiara, "Baka naman more frienship lang. Kasi naman e sila lang ang magka-edad dito noh. Sila lang ang pedeng maka-relate sa isa't isa. Masyado ka lang malisyosa, bakla ka!"

Isang umaatikabong "I DOUBT" ang tinalak sa 'kin ni Kiara, sabay tayo, talikod at sabay balik sa pagluluto ng kamote-que.

*

DAY 2 sa BAHAY NI KUYA

Alas-onse na ng gabi.

Nakalatag na ang sofa-bed ni Bunso sa sala.

Lahat kami eh nakabalagbag sa sofa-bed na iyonchie habang super watch ng SAKSI.

Nagpakuwento lang ako kay Bunso kung anechiwa ang mga latest chismis sa mga raket niya. The usual . . . merong isang talent manager na bet siyang sulutin sa 'ken . . . at mega-ligaw sa kanya. Chika ko naman sa kanya eh wag siyang magpadala sa mga ganoong drama dahil baka hada lang ang habol nila sa mura at makinis niyang shortawan.

Mega kuwento lang si Bunso. Nakahiga siya sa tabi ko. Sa tabi ko naman eh si Kiara. Habang ang aking matimtimang shofated eh naka-upo lang sa isang silya at super ming-ming lang sa isang tabi.

Biglang tumayo si Bunso. At shinonggal niya t-shiret niya, para ma-sight ko raw ang mga improvements sa shortawan since nung inenroll ko siya sa Slimmer's World Pasay Road (plugging . . . . )

So ang natira na lang na saplot sa bortawan niya eh ang maigsing boxers na parang may pinagkakatagong kuting sa loob.

Keri naman . . . haves nga ng improvement sa abs . . . sa chest . . . . sa tricep . . . etc. Pero di pa masyadong hinog.

"Tingin nga . . . . " nasira bigla ang konsentrasyon ko nang narinig ko ang shorfated kong tumalak at lumapit kay bunso.

Nagkahulihan naman kami ng tingin ni Kiara habang pinipindot-pindot ni Nicanor ang abs ni Bunso.

Hindi ko kinaya ang eksena at may-I-stand akez at atak sa kitchen to get water. May-I-follow naman si Kiara.

Habang super nomu akez ng borbeg eh parang uwak si baklang naghihintay ng dagang dadaan. Ineexpect niyang may itatalak ako. Pero wa akong talak.

"Oh. Mamah? Ngayon? Sinong malisyosa sa 'ming dalawa ng kapatid mo?"

*

DAY 3 sa BAHAY NI KUYA

Alas-dos ng madaling araw . . . .

Kararating ko lang sa baler. Umatak agad akez sa kwartobelles kez. Parang everybody is asleep na.

Pag-enter ko sa kwartobelles ko eh missing in action si Kiara.

Lumabas uli ko. Sight sa sala.

Super sight akez sa nakahilata sa sala.

Si Kiara.

Ginising ko si bakla.

Shinornong ko kung nasan si Bunso at kung baket hindi pa dumadating.

Chika na bakla, na maaga naman daw dumating at witchelles niyang na-felt na umisquierda.

So, ang tanong ng bayan . . . nasan si Bunso?

"Do the rounds, mamah!?" chika ni Kiara.

Tumayo si Kiara at dahan-dahan kaming naglakad paatak sa kwarto ni Nick.

Bubuksan ko na sana ang shintuan, but then . . .

Biglang . . .

PInigil ako ni Kiara.

Pabulong na chika ni bakla, "Wiz ka naman join sa pagka-thriller. Hear muna naten . . . "

Gumetching ng baso si bakla. Nilagay sa tenga at nilapat ang puwet ng baso sa shintuan ng kwartobelles ni Nick.

"Ano?" shornong kez.

"Ssssssssh"

"Haves?"

"Shuhimek . . . sound proof yata."

Nilagay ko na ang kamay ko sa doorknob. Sight kay Kiara. "Go . . . " signal ni bakla.

PInihit ko . . .

But then no . . . .

Naka-lock . . .

Bumalik kami sa sala for more balitaktakan.

"Baka naman wala si Bunso don," talak ko.

"Eh pano kung andon . . . . " talak ni Kiara.

"Harsh . . . "

Hinla ko si Kiara paatak ng laundry room.

Sa laundry roon eh may fire escape.

Jinuksan namin ang jintana ng fire escape at pinagkasya ang mga sarili namin sa majiit na jutas. And to think na nasa fifth floor kami ng isang gusali ha.

More mission impossible ang drama ng dalawang baklang dahang-dahang pagilid na naglalakad sa isang kakaramput na pasimano sa gilid ng gusali para lang makarating sa bintana ng kwartobelles ni Nicanor.

Pagdating namin sa bintana area . . . eh closing time naman ang mga bintana. Pero sight namin ang sillhoute sa loob ng kwartobelles pero di pa ren enough yon para ma-learn naming andon din sa kwartobelles si Bunso.

Tinry namin isa-isa yung jintana pero nakalock . . . hanggang sa dulong bintana . . . . pag-push kez eh gumalaw.

"Go mamah!" talak ni Kiara.

Dahan-dahan ko pinhit ang bintana. Haves ng slight wrong dahil biglang lumangitngit ang mga turnilyo.

Mega-freese naman kami ni Kiara . . . . . sight namin ang anino sa loob na gumalaw. Automatically eh bigla kaming napaluhod ni Kiara sa kakaramput na pasimanong kinatatayuan namin na parang suddenly eh haves kami ng powers ni Spiderman dahil hindi kami matinag-tinag sa pagkakakapit sa dingding.

Naghintay pa kami longer ni Kiara, tsaka siya sumilip. May maliit na awang na yung jintana na keri-keri nang masight ang inside story.

"Haves mamah!" chika ni Kiara.

Kag-sight naman akey hey hey hey.

Haves nga ng dalawang utaw sa kama.

Para kaming mga tikling na nagmadaling bumalik sa fire escape, jumosok sa laundry room at papasok sa baler.

Direcho sa shintuan ng kwartobelles ni Nick. And sabay katok.

Another rounds of katok . . .

Another round of katok . . .

Then nag-open sesame ang shintuan.

"Baket?" talak ni Nick na parang hindi pa totally gising.

"Wala lang. Chini-check ko lang kung andito ka."

"Himala . . . . "

"Sinong kasama mo 'jan?"

"Ha?"

"Okay lang naman na patulugin mo 'jan si Bunso as long as . . . "

"Hey wazzup?"

Napataligod kami ni Kiara at na-sight namin si Bunso, fully clothed.

"What are you doing there?"

"I just arrived?"

"But you're here . . . " habang mega turo akez sa shortobelles ni Nick.

"No, Im not there. Im here."

Napaharap uli ako kay Nick.

"Kuya?"

PInilit kong juksan ang shintuan, napatabi si Nick at pag-sight ko sa loob eh may isang lulurking naka-briefanggus lang ang nakahilata sa kama.

Wrong number . . . . .

"Kaklase ko," chika ni Nick. Sabay balagbag ng shintuan ara.

*

2006-07-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

Humigit-kumulang na isang buwan akong nawala sa buhay-talaan na ito. Bukal sa pusong paumanhin ang aking inihahatid sa mga utaw na super waiting-in-vain ang drama sa mga kachervahang maaari kong italak dito.

Sa loob ng isang buwan na ito ay maraming kachervahang naganap sa aking buhay-bakla. Pero sa mga kachervahang itekla ay may isang namumukod-tanging istorya ang nais ko sanang ibahagi sa aking mga kaibigan at kaututang dila.

Ito ang istorya naming dalawa ni Frederico.

. . . . . . . . .

Okay, back to back to bakla to normal. Pasensya na at HIGH pa ren ako sa pagsinghot ng ipinagbabawal na utot.

Umatak muna tayo sa PROFILE ng napipintong love of my life:

NAME: FREDERICO "last name witheld"
AGE: 24
HEIGHT: 5'9 and 3 cms
WEIGHT: 135 lbs
BODY TYPE: SLIGHT BORTA with matching pa-develop na chanda romero
FEZ TYPE: Kafezing ni DREW ARRELLANO (accdg to Jessica); Kafezing ni Drew Arellano kapag na-haggard (accdg to CLAUDE).
HOBBIES: (1) Mag-singaling sa mga chipanggurutay na videoke na hinihulugan ng limang-piso. (2) mag-telebabad gamit ang SUN CELLULAR.
FAVORITE SONG: I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY and RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU
AMBITION: To be a successful HOSTO.

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY: Dating dancerey sa Eat Bulaga, hanggang na-cardiac . . . . nag-Japan-japanan portion for 3 months, wittelles naging successful; nag-dancerey sa isang bar na shinoshorwag na Superman; at ngayo’y isang WAITERLOO sa isang GAYBAR.
any discreet guys?

Okay, so hayon na nga . . . . basta isang gabi eh inaya akembang ni Mother Ricky . . . my fairy gay mommah na umataksiva sa isang Gay Bar sa Timog. Achully eh dapat wittelles na akembang sa pagka-atak but then, na-realize kez na wai naman akez kaganapan sa life ever ng gabing iyonchie kaya, umatak na akey hey hey hey!

Bago pa akez umenter sa nasabing Gay Bar eh biglang nagpupupumintig ang puriit ko ng walang humpay nang ma-sight ko si Frederico na naka-jupo sa may front entrance. Syempre at first eh deadma portion akez . . . super buysung ng bogarette.

May lagkit ang mga tingin niya sa akin, habang mega-standing ovation lang akez at mega subaroo like there’s no tomorrow. Alam ko ang klase ng mga tipo ng pagkalagkit na iyon . . . . tipong lagkit na parang ubeng halayang na-overcook.

Learnsiva ko naman na ang mga eksena sa ganitrix. Sa tinagal-tagal ko namang naging badinggerzie eh kagknowsline ko na ang atak ng mga menthol na super workaloo sa mga establisyementong sadyang ginawa para kurakutan ang mga badette. Mga tipong atakeng titingnan ka nila ng super pa-sweet at ipapa-felt sa iyez na ikawchienabelles na ang pinakamagandang hayop sa balat ng lupa (susunod kay Gloria Diaz).

After the yosi eh nag-enter the dragon na akembang sa naturang gaybar. Isang paraisong puno ng init para sa ilan.

Na-sight ko si Mother Ricky na tili ng tili sa isang sulok habang may isang macho-dancerey ang mega-kiss-kiss sa kanya ng nota. At kung makatili naman si Mother Ricky eh parang kolehiyalang pinalake sa kumbento ng mga birhen na madre.

Haves pa siya ng plenty na ka-joint na mga ka-henerasyon nya. More chikahan kami pagkaupo ko at umisquierda na ren ang menthol na nagpapadukwang ng nota for five hundred peysos. Chinika ni Mama Ricky na breaksiva na raw sila ni Lucky, yung konteserong jowa niyang muntik ko nang hadahin sa CR ng Metro Bar, kung hindi lang akembang binagabag ng konsensiya kong naging absent sa buhay ko for many years.

More chikahan, and more drink with matching nota-sightings on the side. Witchelles sa pagkaipokrita or pagkadyoza effect ha, pero sa truelili lang eh witchelles na akembang na-eerbogan sa mga luluking nakaboots, nakatibak, may gigantic na notring na winawagyway na parang endangered sawa sa manila zoo, habang super dancerey sa entablado sa saliw ng "It's All Coming Back To Me" ni Celine Dion. Para na lang silang mga Koalang masarap tingnan pero wit mo bet jorwakan.

Hanggang sa na-sight ko another si Frederico sa loob. More walk siya hanggang sa may tumapik sa kanya sa isang table.

Pinagmasdan ko talaga ang bawat body language. Chinika siya nung badette, super smile lang si Frederico, super offer sa kanya ng drinks, smile pa ren siya, at tumanggi, nakipagkamay another at umisquierda.

More walk again si Frederico hanggang sa inorwag naman siya ni Mama Ricky.

Lumapit siya sa table namin. Wiz naman ako sa pagka-sight. Kunwari eh witchelles ako interesado. Eh ang mga luluking itey, pag pinafelt mo sa kanila na ineteresado ka eh daig pa nila si Mike Enriquez sa pagtalak ng "Hindi Kita Ta . . . Tantanan!"

PInakilala siya sa amin ni Mama Ricky. Doon ko nalearn ang soap-operatic niyang namesung . . . Fredericohhhhhh. Parang bet ko namang sabihing . . . Maria Kondesa Bonita ang pangalan ko . . . echot lang.

Umupo sa Frederico sa tabi ni Mama Ricky, habang si Mama naman eh walang sinasayang na sandali, more kurot here . . . more kurot there . . . more kurot everywhere . . . . .mahihiya ang mga gobernador sa pagcha-chansing niya.

Hanggang sa tinalak ni Mama Ricky sa 'min na si Frederico lang daw ang betchay niya sa establisyementong iyon ng walang pag-iimbot at buong katapatan, pero sad to say . . . . . . si Frederico lang daw ang witchelles pa-booking sa establisyementong iyonchienabelles arabelles araboomboombelles.

Tumambling naman ako don.

Parang bet ko namang mapahalakhak na ala-Celia Rodriguez sa mga oras na iyon at tumalak ng "I don't drrrrrrink waterrrrrrr . . . . . waterrrrrr is bad forrrrrrrr my health."

Day-off daw niya at may hinhintay lang siyang friendiva. Witchelles nya inaaccept ang drinkaloo na ginigivesung sa kanya ni Mama Ricky. Tumagal pa ang mga oras at tumagal pa ang chikahan, witchelles ko learn kung naaapektuhan na ba ang sense of judgement ko dahil sa tumataas na ang alcohol level sa dugo ko o talagang nabibighani lang ako sa pagkatao ni Frederico.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko . . . . Wrooooooooooooooooooooooooooong! Mamah! Wrong!

Hanggang sa kaming dalawa na lang ang nagkukuwentuhan dahil bisi ang mga tiyahin ko sa pag-sight kay Suma at sa kanyang sawa.

Tumabi pa siya sa 'kin.

Chinika ko sa kanya kung sigurado ba siyang wittelles niya bet nomomi.

Nag-isip siya. Dalawang isip. Tatlong isip. Apat na isip.

"Sige, basta ikaw . . . ." bera ba naman.

Ask key kung anech ang bet niyang nomuhin. San Mig Light daw.

So more San Mig Light.

Marami kaming napagchikahan, in fairness, may sense siyang kausap. Chinika niya sa ken ang job description niya doonchie. More waitreloo and more GRO portion, more entertain ng customers pero witchelles sa pagpapatake-home. Sanay na raw siya sa ganong ruta at hindi na rin bago sa kanya ang kalakalan ng laman. Pero stick lang siya sa workaloo niya.

Mataray siya for that.

Hindi ko chinika sa kanya ang truelili kong namesung at witchelles ko rin chinika ang truelili kong workaloo, just to give him lang an idea . . . para isipin niyang . . . isa lang akong minimum wage earner.

Pero more chikahan portion pa rin kami. Wala rin yung mga ineexpect kong atake pailalim. As in . . . yung tipong aatake ang kamay niya sa ilalim ng mesa at sabay himas sa aking mga binti . . . to give a more erbog feeling.

Pwede kong sabihing . . . . meron na kong lapse of judgement sa mga oras na iyon . . . pero pwede ko ring sabihin na nagkamali ang tingin ko sa kanya noong una ko siyang na-sighteous. Mahirap mang paniwalaan . . . pero nakakapanabik malaman na iba siya . . . . dahil sabi ng ABC 5 . . . "astig maging iba!"

Lumalim na ang gabi at nakaramdam na ng antok (o sakit ng kasusuan, echoz) ang mga tiyahin ko at nag-aya nang jumuwelyon.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Frederico at umisquierda palabas.

Nasa labas na kami nang may tumawag sa akin ng ibang pangalan. Hindi ko pa nilingon nung una until na-realize kong yun pala ang namesung na ginivesung ko kay Frederico.

Humabol siya, sabay ask ng "May SUN ka ba?"

Chika ko, "GLOBE lang e."

"Ay sayang, titext pa naman sana kita. Pero bigay ko na ren number ko . . . . "

"Hindi naman ako madalas pumunta dito."

"Hindi lang naman dito tayo pwedeng magkita uli ah."

At ang mga huling salitang iyon ang naglagay ng ngiti sa aking mga labi hanggang sa pagtulog ko at paggising ko kinabukasan.

+++++++++++++++

2006-07-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko inakalang dadating sa buhay ko si Frederico . . . . sa isang di-inaasahang pagkakataon at sa di inaasahang oras . . . isang hatinggabi, isang Miyerkules sa ilalim ng mga kumukurap-kurap na ilaw na lumilibot sa mga letrang nagsasabing "ADONIS".

Mag-isa siyang naka-upo sa isang silyang yari sa kahoy, na parang isang anay na lang ang hindi pa pumipirma ay mababaldado na nang tuluyan ang apat na paa nito, katabi niya ang guawardiyang parang asong nakakain ng butong pinagulong sa vetsin. Tahimik niyang hinihigop gamit ang pulang straw ang iced-tea na may maputlang kulay, marahil ay natunaw na ang yelo at sa maliliit na pahigop ay mapapatagal ng isang oras ang isang baso na ang tunay na kahalagahan ay ang pumatid uhaw.

Malayo ang tingin niya at mukhang malalim ang iniisip, na noong una ay nakapagpagulo sa isipan ko dahil malayo naman sa hitsura niya ang mag-isip. Sa totoo lang, sa unang tingin ko pa lang sa kanya ay "kama" agad ang pumasok sa isip ko. Sabi nila, lahat tayo ay nilikhang may angking kagandahan . . . . ang gandang natural . . . gandang ricky reyes . . . . gandang panghalimaw at higit sa lahat ay may gandang pangkama.

Sa unang pagdapo pa lang ng aking mga mapanuring mata sa mga tila nagliliyab na balat ni Frederico ay iba’t ibang imahe na ang nabuo sa hinuha ko . . . . . mga nagtitirikang mga mata . . . kagat-labing panggigigil . . . . mga madidiing kapit na halos bumabaon sa balat . . . likod na nakaliyad at higit sa lahat . . . . mga daliri sa paa na nagbabalukturan at nagtutunugan . . . mga imahen ng masidhing tagpo ng dalawang taong nagkakainigan.

Napahinga na lamang ako ng malalim habang pinipilit na huwag maglaho ang kapana-panabik na tagpong pinapalabas sa isang channel sa utak ko ngunit nabigo ako. Nawalan ng signal.
Napasinghal na lang ako, napabulong sa sarili, "THIS IS NOT IT . . . . THIS IS REALLY REALLY NOT IT."

2006-06-13T06:21:00.000-07:00

Pag-return of the jedi kez from Davao eh I made a self-declared rest day or rather rest week. Tinigbak kez lahat ng line of communication from the outside world and parang ang betchay kez lang eh ang mag-hybernate hanggang dumating ang second coming. Witchelles naman akez yung tipong utaw na haggardin . . . well physically speaking . . . . haves akembang ng resistensiya ng horse (wish ko lang nota na lang na nota ng horse ang nakuha key hey hey hey) pero mentally speaking eh . . . . oh well . . . . . . madali akez ma-orgod . . . .

Before I go to my story of the day eh kaonting update lang.

Ang badinggerzie kong shofated, si Nick, eh super bisi-bisihan sa kanyang thesis. Supposedly eh dapat nakagraduate na siya 'nung March but then ewan ko ba kung anechiwa ang nangyari at biglang naging Octoberian si powtah. Sinasabi ko na nga ba eh, feeling kez eh dahil itu sa jowa-jowaan portion niya! (Insecure?!) Deadma, I made a vow na never ko nang shushukialaman si Nick regarding his personal life.

Si Bunso naman . . . . oh well . . . ano bang maichichika kez . . . . he's starting to get on his feet. 'Nung simulang niraket ko siya (modelling) eh naging sunod-sunod na ang booking ng bagets. In fairness . . . hiyang siya. Pero sa balaysiva kez pa ren siya nakatira-ara. Take note . . . sa sala itu ha. At walang physical contact itu since the time he moved in with us.

Si Kiara eh rampa lang ng rampa. Bago akez nag fly paatak ng Davao eh may jowa siya then, pagcome-back kez eh may another jowa na naman si de-powtah! Si bakla talaga, walang kupas ang kakatihan . . . . mahihiya ang gabi sa kanya sa pagkakati.

Speaking of kati-katihan portion . . . .

Disconnected ako sa mundo, until one Saturday evening 'nang dumating si Claude sa balaysung. Learn ko naman aapear siya that night dahil mega-text siya na aatak siya dahil witchelles ko nga bet lumabas.

So pagdating niya eh tulug-tulugan naman akembang. Nakahilata lang akez sa kama ng pumasok siya sa kwarto ko.

Ginising-gising niya akez, pero super deadma ako. Mega close pa ren ng eyes.

Naloka na lang akez nang na-feel kong umangat ang kutson ng kama ko and next thing I know eh nasa sahig na ko.

Powtah. Umiral na naman ang pagka-amazona ni bakla.

Sabi niya, magbihis raw akez at meron kaming aatakan.

Chika ko witchelles ko bet.

Chika naman niya eh wag ko na raw hintayin na siya pa ang magbihis sa 'ken at baka pa magkabali-bali ang mga bulalo ko.

Sa pagkahigante ni Claude eh mahirap mag-doubt na keri niyang panindigan ang mga chinichika niya. So, with matching dabug-dabugan portion eh nagbihis akez.

Sa buong akala ko pa ba naman eh malars ang atak namin but then naloka akez nang pa-cubao ang daang tinatahak ni bakla.

Talak niya aatak daw kami sa "F".

Mega-ask naman akez, "F??? Fashion . . . . Fabululoush . . . . . Facsist Bar . . . . ?"

"Farenheit!"

Sa isang salita na yon eh parang nayanig naman ang mundo ko.

I've heard of the place, but never been there.

"Teka . . . teka . . . . teka . . . ."

Bago pa ako makapagreklamo eh, "Wag ka nang magsalita pa . . . ." ang talak ni Claude at tumahimik na lang ako.

Honestly . . . . naloka akez . . . . becoz . . . .becoz . . . . hindi naman sa hindi ko gusto pero ang siste eh . . . . HINDI AKO PREPARED . . . . . . sinsabotahe na ba ako ng kaibigan ko. Imberna.

Tinahak namin ang kahabaan ng E.Rod. At huminto somewhere . . . .

Nakita ko ang signage . . .

Pero sa baba 'non eh parang walang pinto . . . parang puro walls lang.

"Bakla. Parang sarado na," talak ko kay Claude na pababa na ng caru.

Binuksan niya ang pinto sa side ko at pinababa na ren akez.

"Bukas yan," talak ng baklang hukluban.

May isang mama na naka-upo sa isang monobloc chair ang shumoyo paglapit namin at lumapit sa itim na dingding at naloka na lang ako na may handle pala don somewhere and viola! May pinto nang bumubukas.

I haven't been in a bathhouse for a long time. Ang huling bathhouse ko pa yata eh nung panahon na dinaraos ang sentenaryo ng kalayaan ng Pilipinas.

So, pa-virgin effect naman ako.

Bago kami nag-enter eh megakapa-kapaan portion ang mama.

Pag enter namin eh isang box office agad ang sumalubong sa amin. Well, more of like na parang booth na pinagbabayaran ng pusta sa mga karerahan ng kabayo. May dalawang menchus ang bisi-bisihan sa isang window at hindi pa 'ko nakakakurap eh may-I-give na sa 'ken si Claude ng isang papel na parang papel-de-ahensya. I have this feeling na parang meron akong isasangla ha.

"Fill-up", chika ni Claude in his usual superior-like-military tone na wala kang choice kundi sundin ang sinasabi niya.

Okay.

Name . . . .

Address . . . .

Birthday . . . .

Phone number . . . .

Signature . . . . . .

At kulang na lang eh proof of purchase at pwede mo nang ihulog sa suking tindahan.

After 'non eh mega-paysung na si Claude at ginivesungan naman akez ng bilat sa loob ng booth ng isang kakapiranggot na laminated na pink na papel. Yun na raw yung membership card ko.

Tapos sabay sigaw yung bilat sa loob ng "New Member!!!!!!"

Kakaloka. Kelangan talagang i-announce?

At biglang merong lumabas na menchus na naka-uniporme. "Sir, dito po." Talak niya sa amin.

Bago pa 'ko pumasok sa pinto eh may kumalabit sa aken.

Teka . . . teka . . . teka . . . . hindi pa ako nakakatatlong hakbang sa loob ng bathhouse eh may kalabitan portion na.

Paglingon ko eh yun palang baggage boy. Pinapashonggal niya yung jacket ko.

Nag-resist naman akez. Sabi ko witchelles ko bet. Tapos chika niya. Kelangan daw. Nako ha. Ayaw ko na lang makipagtalo sa isang baggage boy, sinurender ko ren ang jacket ko at super givesung siya ng isang tag na may goma.

Actually nag-resist talaga ako, dahil naka-sando lang akez. So, without the jacket and with my "yatis" na shortawan . . . . . eh parang hindi naman yata yon ka-aya-aya for a newbie. Witchelles makatarungan . . . . at ayaw ni Congresswoman Eta Rosales ng ganyan! Deadma. Na-realize ko na lang na later on eh shoshonggalin ko ren naman ang lahat-lahat sa ‘ken.

Super enter kami sa isang makipot na corridor then, bumulaga na sa 'ken ang isang entrance paakyat ng hagdan. Sa baba 'non ay may another menchus in uniform ang nagbabantay with a ledger of some kind. Sinundan ko na lang kung anech ang ginawa ni Claude. Nilabas niya yung wallet niya, phone and some other stuff na nasa bulsa niya. Na parang nahiya akong gawin dahil ang plenty ng nakalagay sa bulsa kez with matching a mini-stuff-toy na tweetie bird na key-chain. Nilista ang mga items nung menchus na parang si San Pedro at ginivesung sa another menchus na nilagay naman ang mga gamit sa isang bakanteng box kahelera din ang sangkaterbang maliliit na boxes . . . that would remind you of a post office. Pagkatapos non eh sinusi ang box at ginivesung ang another goma with two keys. In-explain sa 'ken 'nung menchus na yung isa eh yung susi 'don sa box at yung isa eh susi sa locker.

Nagbigay na ng go-signal yung San Pedro na nakabantay sa baba ng hagdan pagkatapos ang another kapa-kapaan portion at pinaakyat na kami.

All those times eh tahimik lang si Claude. 'Nung paakyat na kami eh bigla siyang tumalak.

"Okay. Siya na ang mag-ga-guide sa yo (referring to the menchus na sumundo sa 'min sa box office). Wala nang point na samahan pa kita. It would spoil the evening. I'll go ahead, magkita na lang tayo."

At nagmadaling nauna na si Claude.

Sa loob-loob ko naman eh potah naman pala 'tong si Claude sinama-sama pa akez and then all of a sudden eh solo-flight din pala ang labanan. Luka-luka!

Pag-akyat namen eh boses ng mga nagvi-videoke ang na-hearsung kez. Tapos may bar. I made a quick scan. In fairness . . . . okay yung place. Pero sa area na yon . . . eh lahat ng nasa-sight kez eh bihis pa naman . . . so far so good. Wala munang gulatan.

"Eto po yung bar . . . ." chika nung tourist guide.

Oh well . . . mukha siyang bar . . . . kelangan pa ba niyang i-define sa 'ken yon?

Tapos tumuro siya sa kaliwa . . . . "Eto naman po yung library."

Muntik naman akong matalisod 'dun sa narinig ko . . . LIBRARY talaga . . . ano 'to school?

Pagsilip ko eh na-sight ko ang hile-hilerang dirty magazines. Okay fine. Library na nga 'yon kung library.

We walked across the room. We passed the mga "pa-menchus" na super birit sa awiting "You Raise Me Up". . . the mere fact na iniwan ako ni Claude and the mere fact na mag-isa akong tinu-tour sa isang bathhouse eh nakapagpa-windang na ever sa mundo ko eh dinagdagan pa ng sakit ng ulo while hearing the group of pamenchus sing Josh Groban. Define "roller coaster of emotions."

Sa kabilang dulo ng room, huminto si tour guide, "Eto po yung audio-visual room . . "

Hanep! May library na nga, may AVR pa . . . . san ka pa?

Di ko na ninais na silipin pa kung anech ang nasa loob, seeing the "library" gave me the whole point.

Umatak kami sa isang corner na 'nung unang sight ko eh akala ko naman eh dead-end dahil puro salamin, but then no! May hagdan pala ditey pababa.

So . . . . baba naman kami.

Pagbaba eh biglang nag-dilim naman ang lahat. Pula . . . masyadong red ang ambiance. Meron na namang ala-San Pedro ang nakabantay don at heto pa, may podium talaga siya. Another set of kapa-kapaan portion. No wonder, malamang eh super heated up na ang mga menchus bago pa man maka-aksyon sa pinaka-loob sa dami ba naman ng mga buffy menchus na kumakapa-kapa pag-enter.

Pag-pass namen doon eh unang tumambad sa 'ken ang mga gym equipments that were awkwardly positioned. Yung mga tipong parang hindi sila para 'don. The way they appear eh parang hindi naman sila nagagamit . . . in short . . . display!

Sa kaliwang side ng room na yon eh ang mga lockers. In fairness . . . bet ko ang interior design 'nung place ha. Check na check.

"Eto po yung mga lockers . . . "

Aba'y malamang . . . . hindi naman sila mukhang mga "room for rent" sa 'ken.

Tapos eh sinenyasan ako nang menchus na kumanan muna, passing the gym equipments kuno, to a more dilemma place. Pag enter namen don eh parang crystal maze naman ang labanan, super paliko-liko . . . at salamin here . . . salamin there at salamin everywhere . . . . kulang na nga lang eh humawak ako sa tour guide or else eh witchelles ako makakalabas 'don. Inside the crystal maze eh ang shower room . . . tapos sa may bandang dulo eh ang sauna. Doon pa lang eh plenty na ang mga nagle-lurk na mga menchus na super tapis-tapisan portion na lang ang labanan. Samantalang ako itong all-dressed up pa . . . with matching tour guide . . . . could my entrance be less conspicuous than that? Harsh!

May-I-follow lang ako sa tour guide hanggang makalabas sa crystal maze. At nakahinga ako ng malalim

Sa likod naman ng mga lockers eh may daanan . . . another lagusan ito. With another shower room . . . and another bar.

Kung yung bar sa taas eh filled with "dressed" people . . . yung bar naman sa baba eh filled with "undressed" people. Ang funny ng concept ha.

More lagusan at hanggang sa makarating kami sa another stairs paakyat.

"Dyan po mas maraming place . .. tapos may mga booths . . .hindi na po tayo pwede umakyat dahil nakabihis tayo."

With the tone of his voice . . . . I believe na yun na ang this-is-it na place.

Got it.

Sa dami ng lagusan at pajikot-jikot nung lugar na yon eh naloka ako. One turn, may mga gym equipments na parang useless, one turn . . . eh may mga menchus na naghuhubad at nagtatapis, one turn . . . eh isang bar na ang mga naka-upo eh mga menhus na walang pakundangan sa pagbukaka . . . one turn eh ang crystal maze . . one turn eh shower room with menchus na mega shower all-the-way . . . . one turn eh stairs . . .one turn . . .another stairs . . . . talk about direction overload . . . .

"Okay sir. Pag may problema po eh ipatawag niyo na lang ako. Pwede na kayong magbihis."

At iniwan na ko ng tour guide.

At that point eh parang I felt that the entire place is closing in on me . . . . it's me against the world . . . . .

Attack na ko sa mga lockers. Hinahanap ko si Claude pero nowhere in sight siya. Hinanap ko ang locker ko. Gustuhin ko mang tumingin-tingin sa paligid ko at i-sighteous ang hitsura ng mga utaw eh parang witchelles ko ren kinaya.

So, open ng locker . . . getching ng tinnie-winnie na tuwalya at slippers. Hubad . . . . . . hubad . . . and hubad . . . . .

Huminga ng malalim then . . . . bahala na si batman.

To be continued . . . .

STRANGER in DAVAO (part 4)

2006-05-31T07:42:00.000-07:00

THE SECRET IS OUT

Bading ako . . . . .
Bading ka . . . .
Bading sila . . . ..
Bading tayong lahat . . . .. .

Who cares?

Itechiwa lang ang mga salitang naglalaro sa isip ko na parang mga gamu-gamong jumijikot-jikot sa apoy ng shondila, habang nasa carumba ni DEEP VOICE.

Pagkagaling sa Jack's Ridge eh ask si DEEP VOICE kung ngaraggedy-anne-and-andy na raw ang drama ko. Talak ko, witchelles pa naman. Sabi niya may isang place pa raw kaming aatakan, "more private."

Akez naman eh Go Japan! lang.

Matapos ang usapan nila ni Councilor cherva-er-er-chervavich eh witchelles ko na kinailangan pa ng paliwanagan o ng mahabang eksplanasyon na parang na-feel na rin naman ni DEEP VOICE. Witchelles din naman niya dinepensa ang sarili. Gustuhin ko man ng confirmation tungkol sa mga jinijisip kez eh parang witchelles ko na ren na-bettan dahil baka eynimomentz eh mas harsh pa ang marinig ko at magsisi lang akez in the long run. Shit! To think of it . . . . I got myself into a deep shit kung sakali, pero deadma.

Noong unang panahon eh mejo witchelles ko feel ang mga drama ng mga klosetang veklores. Ewan ko ba pero parang witchelles ko lang talaga sila feel. Siguro dahil sa fact na out ako at sila hindi. I mean, parang wrong. Alam kong I'm in no position to judge . . . but parang I feel bad for them . . . na ako itong pinker than pink ang drama samantalang sila eh witchelles man lang makapagladlad maski isang-inch ng kapa nila. I know, they have their reasons. But feeling ko eh instead of making things better . . . . eh parang mas na-o-opress naman siletchie. At parang unfair din . . . for them . . .

Ano ba ang mga rason kung baket witchelles makapag-out ang isang veklore????

(1) Ang pinaka-common na rason eh ang eksena ng kanilang "Familia Zaragoza". May strict na father o may muder na aristocratic . . . . kultura ren siguro . .
.exemple gratia: learn kez na sa super-mega-over chines na family to the most
traditional level eh witchelles bet ang halamang-dagat na member.

(2) Masyadong mababa ang pagtingin ng isang kloseta sa "sangkabaklaan" para
ihanay ang sarili niya sa mga ito. Witchelles niya kering shonggapin sa sarili
na veklore siya. Witchelles! Kahit na learn naman niyang nota din ang habol
niya. Go pa ren siya living a pretentious life.

Pero ganon talaga ang life. At may ganon talagang utaw. It doesn't mean na mas mababa ang uri nila. Live and let live, chika nga.

From Jack's Ridge eh umaatikabong maTagalog-movie-greats na biyahihan ang naganap.

More na pasikut-sikut na kalsada, nagdidiliman at nagtatarikang bangin.

Hanggang sa nakarating kami sa parang nag-iisang balaysiva lang sa lugar na yon.

At super daks na balaysiva itez take note. At take note, rest house lang daw yon ni DEEP VOICE. Kapag witchelles niya bet ang mga eksena niya in the real world eh sinsegregate niya ang sarili, umaataksiva sa balaysiva na iyonchienabelles at super rest sa house. Kaya nga siguro shinorwag na rest house. Corny!

Kakaloka.

Pag enter-the-dragon pa lang namin eh naloka na akez. Pag-on ng lights eh sumalubong sa ken ang mga banga na mas malalaki pa yata sa akin. At ang floor . . . . marble kung marble ito ha na sa sobrang kintab eh keri-kering manalamin.

Dumirecho kami sa living room. At jupostrax naman akembang sa isang couch na sobrang daks din at super lambot na parang nangangain ng tao.

Nag-excuse si DEEP VOICE.

Akez naman eh super waiting-in-vain lang don at super jisip sa mga nagaganap. Baka eynimomentz eh may umataksiva na lang doonchienabelles na mga Mang Jun Pulistiko at damputin si DEEP VOICE not knowing na drug lord si powtah. But then no! Siguro naman witchelles.

Pagbalik ni DEEP VOICE eh haves na siya ng isang bote ng Chardonnay (hindi ko kinaya ang kasosyalan ng nomu ha) at dalawang glass. Mega drinkaloo lang akez dahil paminsan-minsan lang nasasayaran ng mamahaling alak ang lalamunan kez . . . pasko pa.

Habang ninanamnam kez ang mamahaling alak eh biglang tumalak si DEEP VOICE.

Kung ano man ang mangyari eh ready na akez, since andon naman na ako. Kung bet niyang kunin na ang lahat sa akin eh go lang ng go. May magagawa pa ba akembang? Sa mga oras na ganoonchienabelles eh wala nang panahon para pa i-test ang pagkaganders at magmiganju.

"Mayroon akong dapat sabihin sa 'yo," talak ni DEEP VOICE. At serious kung serious ito.

Shinornix kez kung anech naman yonchie na dapat niyang ishorlak.

"Pero hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba siyang sabihin or not," talak niya another.

Make up your mind ha! I'm always here . . . . waiting for you to attack! Charing!

Hanggang sa lumabas sa mga bibig niya ang mga nakakashombling na salita na mas nakakashombling pa kaysa sa pag-shorlon sa bangin ni Lady Choi!

"I have 2 kids na . . . . . . "

Yes . . . oh yes . . . . . he is indeed a PAPAble . . . .Papa as in . . . you know . . . . with kids.

Naloka naman akez at biglang nawala ang pag-iinit na kaniney ko pa nafi-feel sa shortawan kez. Napaupo akez ng direcho. Witchelles ko learn kung anech ang itatalak ko and besides, witchelles ko rin naman learn kung baket niya tinalak sa aken yon noh! Kung ang plano niya eh sirain talaga ang libido ko eh pwes . . . . successful siya.

Super waiting-for-tonight si DEEP VOICE sa kung anechiwa man ang ishoshorlak kez but then, wala din siyang nahita. Wa akez spluk.

Shumoyo siya. Super smile, "It's fine naman for me if you know . . . you don't want to do it . . . with . . . someone like me who has kids already."

Sa truelili lang, witchelles naman sa ayaw ko . . . . witchelles ko lang learn kung anech ang magiging reaksyon ko. Okay lang naman noh. May nota pa ren naman siya. Luluki pa ren naman ang tingin ko sa kanya, kahit na may mga junakis morrisette na siya. The thing is, I never like did it before with a real Papa . . . I mean, I might have had sex na ren with a "Papa" nang hindi ko learn, pero at least eh hindi ko nga learn . . . eh si DEEP VOICE, kelangan talaga bang ipalearn sa 'ken. Harsh!

Tumagal pa ng ilang minuto ang dead air sa pagitan naming dalawa nang biglang nag-ringaling ang fonilya niya.

Nag-excuse siya at umatksiva sa kusina.

After a few moments eh nahi-hearsung ko na siyang nakikipagtalakan as in warla mode sa kung sinech man ang kabersahan niya sa fonilya.

Naloka na naman akembang at this time, with matching jugjug . . . . . jugjug . . . . sa dibdib.

Is this not it?!?!?! Is this really really not it?!?!?!?!

Pagbalik niya sa sala eh ibang-iba na ang mood niya. Nag-sorry siya at chinika niya na we have to go. Bet niyang ihatid na muna akembang sa hotel chenelyn but then, chika niya na may dapat siyang atakan agad-agad. Kaya't hinila na niya akembang, joinlackes sa carumba at druvang to the fastest maximum level.

Witchelles pa kami nakakalampas sa Jack's Ridge, mga wala pang thirty-minutes eh nag-enter kami sa isang subdivision . . . . at nag-stop sa isang block ng mga housing units na identical. Chika niya sa 'kin na mag-stay lang daw akembang sa carumba. So, akez naman . . . with matching all the kaba and the facial expression of "what's goin' on?!???!?!?!" eh mega-sit na lang.

Bago pa siya maka-josok sa isang housing unit eh jumukas ever ang shintuan at lumabas ang isang babaeng ka-karakas ni Martha Stewart, pinay version nga lang . . . . with all the pearls . . . the matching blouse and pants and don't forget the handbag. Parang warla ang bilatchus, witchelles ko nahi-hearsung kung anechiwa ang nangyayari doonchienabelles pero I got this feeling na umaatikabong ratratan portion ang sumalubong kay DEEP VOICE.

Kaloka.

After a few minutes eh may menchus naman na lumabas din sa balaysung. Wala rin siyang magawa . . . . dahil niraratrat din siya ni Martha Stewart look-alike.

Ang harsh ng eksena dahil unang-una eh para akong mega-watch ng silent movie. At pangalawa eh I can sense a disaster unfolding right before my eyes. At andon akez . . . . na walang kamuwang-muwang . . . .

Si VAL!!!! Parati na lang si VAL!!!! Si VAL na walang malay . . . ang drama ko sa buhay. Parang bet ko nang bumaba sa carumba ng dahan-dahan at isquierdahan ang lugar but then no . . . para rin akong nasa point of no return.

Kung anech man ang eksena doonchie eh wala akong definite na idea pero felt na felt kong witchelles siya happy moments.

Medyo matagal bago pa nashorpos ang eksena. Nag-ending siya nang sumakay na lang bigla ang bilat sa carumba niya at umisquierda.

Inimbitahan akez ni DEEP VOICE sa loob 'nung housing unit. Na-learn ko kung sinech ang menchus. At nagpaliwanag si DEEP VOICE.

I will not go into details for the sake of DEEP VOICE . . . . (and for the sake of my life . . .echoz!) but then, kayo na lang ang humusga.

Nakauwi din ako sa hotel. Nakatulog ng mahimbing at ginawa ang trabaho na dapat ko talagang gawin si Davao.

It was a helluva experience for me . . . .

We all have secrets . . . . . As we go on with our everyday lives, we meet and encounter people that at first look, we could have an idea of the totality of their character. But that is not enough . . . .

Behind a smile or a beautiful face . . . . underneath it might lie something that is not supposed to be seen or known.

Whatever the reason . . . . would be a mystery . . . .

But secrets are bound to be discovered.

The question is . . . like the song goes . . . "How do we ever keep a secret?"

But once the secret is out . . . . . . .

Do we stay in the shadows of our own deception or we accept the fact that the SOLUTION IS "OUT" . . . . ?

2006-05-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

STRANGER IN DAVAO (part 3)

2006-05-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

"SECRETS"

We all have secrets . . . . . even as I recount my life in this blog . . . I still keep secrets of my own. As we go on with our everyday lives, we meet and encounter people that at first look, we could have an idea of the totality of their character. But that is not enough . . . .

Behind a smile or a beautiful face . . . . underneath it might lie something that is not supposed to be seen or known.

Whatever the reason . . . . would be a mystery . . . .

* * *

Super fast and the furious eh nakapag-pa-fresh na akembang at nakababa sa lobby ng hotel.

Super waitsiva lang akez, habang super readaloo ng isang local newspaper na witchelles ko ren naiintindihan. Habang super pa-cute sa 'kin ang keri-kering concierge na kutis-molave. Ewan ko ba kung nabibighani lang siya sa angking kabyondahan kez o naloloka lang siya sa fact na super readaloo akembang ng dyaryo na wa ko rin naman learn ang mga nakachenelynbhar doonchinabelles.

Deadma.

Walang anu-ano eh biglang nag-vibrate na lamang ang nyelpie ko na medyo malapit sa puriit ko dahil nakalagay siya sa bulsa kez sa likod. Na-happy naman akembang dahil (1) hayan na siya at umoorwag na si DEEP VOICE, malamang; at (2) may kakaibang sensasyon akong nararamdaman sa may juriit kez. Happy da 'vah?

Anyway, this time eh numero ang lumabas sa screen kez.

So, super sagot naman akembang, pa-sweet . . . . pa-demure . . . .

"Hawwwwwwleeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrqcksh!!!!!!!!!!"

Echoz . . .

Simpleng, "Hello," lang naman.

"Are you ready?" talak ni DEEP VOICE, nang narinig ko uli ang boses niya eh nakaramdam akez ng kakaibang init na nagmumula sa pinakakaibuturan ng damdamin kez na animoy fresh na fresh na magma na mabilis na umaagos mula sa puson ng mundo . . . . naghahanap ng biyak na lalabasan at handang-handang sumabog!

"I'm ready when you are," talak ko na mahihiya pati si Say Alonzo sa kalandian.

"I'm here at the hotel entrance," chika ni DEEP VOICE.

So, isquierda agad akembang paatakchienabelles sa entrance ng hotel.

Pag-sight kez, eh waz namang utawsingbelles doonchie bukod sa isang daks na itim na sasakyan, parang "Everest".

Nasa-linya pa rin si DEEP VOICE.

Shinornong kez kung siyachie ang nasa daks na carumba.

Confirmed.

Mega kaway pa siya pero witchelles ko maaninag ang herodes na nasa loob.

So, labas akez, open-sesame ng door ng carumba, then enter.

Hayon na. Pag-sightchinabelles ko sa kanya eh nagkaroon nag-materialize na ren ang mga imahen na kaniney pa naglalaro sa isip ko. Mejo swak ang expectations ko.

Matured guy . . . siguro around mid-thirties. May mga stubbles sa fez. Naka-best in formal wear pa siya na parang feeling kez eh iyonchienabelles pa ang suot-suot niya sa office. Naka-tupi na lang ang sleeves to reveal his bulging biceps. Si daddy ha . . . .di nakakalimutang mag-gym, in fairness.

"Is this your first time?" shornong ni DEEP VOICE habang mega-druvang. In fairness naman talaga, ibang-iba ang hagod ng boses . . . parang nanunukso . . . nangaakit . . . . nakakapangilabot . . . . nakakatindig . . . . . you know . . . . balahibo.

"First time what? To be picked up by a stranger in my hotel?" sagot na tanong kez.

"No . . . in Davao . . . " klaro niya.

Ah okay . . . si daddy naman kasi eh . . . witchelles dinidiretso ang tanong para sa isang veklores na sadyang luntian ang pag-iisip na tulad ko.

"Technically no . . . . pero, the first time that I was here, hindi rin ako nakapaggala and nakalabas ng hotel dahil sa dami ng work and limited ang time."

"So . . . . it is your first time . . . . "

"Di nga eh."

"I mean . . . to be picked up by a stranger in your hotel . . . . "

"Ah . . . actually . . . I've been picked up by a lot of strangers na in a lot of times (kape!)"

Shuhimek lang kami ng slight then, talak siya, "So . . . how was it so far . . . . "

"Okay lang naman. Exciting. Adventure. Kasi 'di mo alam kung anong mangyayari sa inyo kapag as in total stranger ang naka-meet mo . . . pero happy naman so far . . . . di pa naman ako nagigilitan . ."

"I mean . . . . your stay here in Davao?"

Naiinis na ko sa usapang ito ha.

"Davao. Great. Okay lang . . . . ganda nga eh . . alam mo, given the opportunity . . . I can actually live here."

"Anong klaseng opportunity naman yon?"

"Kapag, alam mo yon, siguro merong mag-ooffer sa 'ken ng bahay at high-paying job eh di why not?"

"What if I offer you a house and a high-paying job, right now? What would you say?"

"Nako. 'Wag ka namang magbiro ng ganyan. Alam mo, if you're in Manila. I wouldn't just offer you a house and a high-paying job."

"Of course not . . . I can see that you can't afford it naman and besides, if I'm in Manila, I would stay in my unit in the Residences."

Parang at that momentzzzz eh parang gusto ko namang hanapin ang intertropical convergenze zone dahil may nafi-felt akez na may panaka-nakang pagbuga ng malakas-lakas na hangin sa may bandang driver's seat until narealize kong si DEEP VOICE yon na parang may built-in industrial fan.

Wit naman akez agad na natiwang . . . betsiva kez ang mga utawsingbelles na ganitrax . . . . .may bilib sa sarili . . . . at katakut-takot na self-confidence ang inee-exude. Ibang level ito . . . . may challenge.

Kunwari ay namangha naman akez sa tinalak niya. Kung makapag-"Residences" naman siya eh parang ang mga unit sa Greenbelt eh nabibili lang ng kinse isang tumpok ha.

After 20 minutes eh witchelles pa ren kame nakakarating sa dapat na marating namin at nagsisimula na 'kong maloka dahil pa-sukal na ng pa-sukal ang mga daan na tinatahak namin.

Pero, inassure naman niya akez na super happiness ang aatakan namin kaya patience lang daw.

* * *

We all have secrets . . . . As we go on with our everyday lives, we meet and encounter people that at first look, we could have an idea of the totality of their character.

We may encounter some people who at first are already very outspoken, they could be bright individuals. Used to be at the top of class . . . . achievements fill up the last 3 pages of their curriculum vitae. They could also be not well-liked.

On the other hand, there are those who could barely speak a word. Insecurity fills the air whenever they're around . . . . . people with low self-esteem and self-confidence. They'd rather be silent in ages than commit a mistake in a second.

Voices and the manner of speaking could also tell a lot . . . . . a person who speaks very fast and spontaneous can be an intelligent one . . . . a person who speaks very fast but doesn't make any sense at all can be a poser . . . . a person who could not finish a sensible sentence could be a shy type if not probably a model . . . . a high-pitched voice that has more intonations than the YES.FM jingle could be a very joyful person and if it is a guy then he might be gay . . . . a very DEEP and modulated VOICE could be the mysterious type . . . .

But, then again, these are not enough. Still . . . there's more than what meets the ears and the eyes.

* * *

Finally, after forty-years in the travelling portion at halos bumaligtad na ang matres ko sa pajikut-jikot na daan at super lalim ng mga bangin eh nakarating din kami sa isang super happy na place at the top of a hill. "Jack's Ridge" daw ang namesung ng place. In fairness, super happy talaga.

It reminds me of . . . . .

Haaaaaay . . . . I promised myself not to think about it . . . .pero heto najisip ko na naman . . . at since nandito eh . . . . eh ichichika ko na lang din . . . .

It reminds me of Antipolo and the overlooking chenelynbhar . . . . at sa tuwing may-I-remember ko ang place na yonchie eh super najijisip ko ren ang mga eksenang naganap sa 'ken doonchinabelles . . . with "who else"? "Him" . . . . whose name should not be mentioned.

Anyway, may ilang-ilang bar and resto donchie and isang coffee shop.

So, enter kami sa coffee shop ever.

Pag-sight kez sa menu eh naloka naman akey . . . . parang lahat ng category ng food and beverage eh may something that got to do with durian. Sa pastry section . . .eh may durian cheesecake . . . . meron ding durian cookies . . . . sa coffee section . . . may durian coffee . . . at sa frappe section eh may durian frap . . . . san ka pa?

Pano kaya sa Pangasinan . . . . since sikat ang bagoong doonchie . . . . haves din kaya ng bagoong cheesecake at bagoong frappe? Ang chaka ng eksena . . . .

Anyway . . .super order na lang akez ng latte with 1 shot of espresso for more energy and more gising-gisingan portion . . . .

Siyempre super treat naman itung si DEEP VOICE . . . eh siya naman kaya ang nag-aya noh . . choz! Mag-take advantage talaga? Actually, dumukot na akez (pero charing lang) . . . .he insisted to pay. Okay fine! Matino naman akong kausap noh . . . .

Pumuwesto kami sa labas. Na ang kashobe eh super tarik na bangin. Na mahipan ka lang siguro ng hangin . . . . . .at napatumbling ka lang ng slight eh . . . kinabukasan . . . . . closed coffin ang labanan.

At may napansin akong nakapaskil sa isang puno na karatulang chumichika nang "This is a designated smoking area". In-explain naman sa 'kin ni DEEP VOICE na sa Davao eh witchelles kering magyosi ka lang ng magyosi sa kahit saan. Maski open-air eh may "DESIGNATED SMOKING AREA" at kapag na-jullie-yap-daza kang super subey sa isang lugar na walang karatulang "DESIGNATED SMOKING AREA" eh haves ka ng instant bracelet na magkakadena sa magkabilang kamay.

Kaloka!!!

Pero in fairness . . . . . happy talaga ang place. Romantic . . . . the whole city eh sight na sight. Masarap ang hangin . . . at ang mga stars eh parang mega-connive pa sa pagningning para maging mas perfect ang gabi na papasa para sa isang uber-mushy na koreanovela na hindi naman nagre-rate.

So, hayon na nga . . . .chikahan kami ng slight-slight. Actually, ako lang ang more na chumichika. So, more ask akey.

Na-learn ko na isa siyang cabinet . . . . closet . . . closet-case . . . . tagong-bading . . . . . taong pinipilit na i-jobos ang hasang para hindi mahalata ang pagkapula neto.

So, tinanong ko sa kanya kung kamusta naman ang lovelife niya.

Chika niya na mahirap daw para sa isang tulad niya na magka-lovelife sa Davao, where everybody knows everbody. Sobrang maingat daw siya at kung minsan pa nga raw eh kapag sinusumpong siya ng pagka-Catherine-Zeta-Jones at witchelles masolusyunan nang pagkikipag-daupang-palad kay Mariang Palad (at kay "Haller Fingger") eh mega-travel pa siya sa Cagayan De Oro para bumuking. At take note ha . . Davao and Cagayan De Oro is not like Riverbanks and Lawton . . . . . Davao and Cagayan De Oro is super far sa isa't isa . . . like Riverbanks and Barasoain Church.

More chikahan . . more chikahan . . . hanggang napansin kong iritado ang tingin niya sa pagkaka-upo kez. Tapos, tumalak siyang . . . .

"Bernard . . . can you spread your legs apart."

Naka-de-kwatro ako 'non. Yung de-kwatrong pa-girl with matching kuyakoy-kuyakoy pa.

Alam 'nyo, in normal circumstances . . . I wouldn't be offended kapag tinalakan akong "spread your legs apart" because normal circumstances for me is when I am in bed with a guy.

Pero yung eksenang yon . . . is definitely not one of my normal circumstances.

Sumunod din ako maski labag sa loob kong bumukaka at umupo na parang konstru na nag-yo-yosi break sa construction site. Ano pa ba ang bettti-boop niyang gawen ko . . . . .gusto pa ba niyang palalimin ang boses ko to the baritone level? Pero witchelles naman na siya tumalak pa. Yung pagko-cross-legs ko lang daw. Masyado daw kasing pa-girl baka lang daw meh makahalata.

Eh kung tampal-tampalin ko kaya siya ng pa-girl kong mga kamay!?

Deadma na.

I respect naman him. Ayaw ko rin siyang mapahiya. Kaya sinaid ko na ang lahat ng menthol hormones ko para lang sa kanya.

Humaba pa ang chikahan . . . . . .

Hanggang sa may isang girl na lumapit at binati si DEEP VOICE.

Nagchikahan sila.

Noong una eh deadma akez sa usapan nila.

Hanggang sa . . . . nakahearsung akembang ng mga words na "motion" . . . "ordinance" . . . . "letter" . . . . "kausapin mo kaya si vice . . . . . "

Sa mga puntong iyon eh nagbago ang ekspresyon sa fezlack ko from Dorothy before OZ to Dorothy with the Munchkins and the wicked witch of the west!

Napansin ni DEEP VOICE ang pagkambyo ng fezlack kez.

Inontroduce niya agad akez sa girlaloo . . . . .

"Bernard, this is my colleague . . . . Councilor cherva-er-er-chervavich . . . . "

* * *

To be continued . . . .

STRANGER IN DAVAO (part 2)

2006-05-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

TEXT:

Hi. Ed hir, u giv m ur nmbr s chat earlier. R u free na b?

Heto na ang first appointment kez.

So, go lang ng go.

Super teksami back akembang at chinikang, "I'm always free". Ginivesung ko na ren ang room numbererette kez para go na lang siya ng go.

Tapos, eh super enter na akembang sa shower for more freshness galore. Learn naman ng mga badinggerzie yon noh, na pag may dookit na magaganap eh kelangan talagang magpa-fresh, kalikutin ang dapat kalikutin . . . . . kiskisin ang dapat kiskisin.

Super sabon na akembang ng biglang nagringaling ang phonelya kez.

Nalorka naman akez, with all the sabon and shampoo and everything eh lumabas akez sa shower room at shinorgot ang phonelya.

Si Ed. Nasa door na raw siya.

KALOKA! Eh wala pang sasampung minuto eh nandon na siya. Hindi naman kaya siya masyadong excited sa lagay na yon noh?

So, ataksiva akembang sa shintuan ever, with the tapis, sabon, shampoo . . . . as in I'm dripping wet . . . . Open-sesame ng door at pina-enter-the-dragon si Ed.

Keri siya. Ang depinisyon ng "keri" sa 'ken eh wittelles chapter 10, verse 5 at wittelles din naman super hottest. Keri lang. Average baga.

May katangkaran siya ng slight, maganda ang hugis ng mga balikat. Yung fez niya eh yung tipong, magaganda lahat. Maganda ang eyes, maganda ang ilong, maganda ang lips . . . pero pag-sinama-sama na eh parang witchelles sila SWAK sa isa't isa. Pero keri lang. In moments like these, looks really doesn’t matter at all . . . . . . performance counts.

Nag-sorry akembang dahil na-sight niya akez na wet na wet, pinajupo ko siya at chika kong popostcardin ko lang ang palelegis kez.

Biglang chumika siya, in a bisaya tone, na jujoin raw siya.

Wittelles naman akembang kaagad na naka-ispluk, dahil wittelles pa akembang nakakakurap eh naka-jubadstra na siya agad. Parang magic! One moment his dressed . . . . . the other moment his naked and sacred! Kakaloka!

"Ano? Tara!?" chika niya at nauna na siya sa shower room.

In fairness, witchelles ko na maremember ang last time na nalegis akembang na may kajoint-forces. Kung witchelles akembang nagkakamali eh grade one siguro ang huling beses na nalegis akembang kajoint forces ang mga shopet balay sa probinsiya at sa poso pa yon ha!

Deadma na akembang. Enter-the-dragon naman na akez sa nyiarette.

Pag-enter ko eh don na naloka ang mundo ko.

Witchelles ko learn kung obvious ang tingin kez, pero feeling ko eh obvious, na noong pagjosok ko pa lang eh direcho ang tingin ko sa fezlack niya then automatically bumaba ang mata kez sa baba. You know . . . down there . . . witchelles ko talaga maiwasan.

Feeling ko eh may "attention-deficiency-syndrome" ang nota niya. Masyadong papansin.

Dahil in fairness, naman noh, witchelles pa sherlag ang notring niya eh parang may kung anumang mahabang bagay na super dangling in between his legs noh. As in majoba at makyoba, na sa unang sightchinabelles kez eh feeling ko eh bumibili akembang ng footlong sa harapan ng Beda.

Napalunok na lang akembang sa nerbiyus while standing there. Syet! Witchelles ko learn kung kekerihin ba ng powers ko ang deadly weapon na dala-dala niya na siguradong kapag sinampal ka non sa fezlack eh instant knock-out ka. Najisip kez na baka eynimomentz sa gabing iyon eh tuluyan nang mawarat ang pinaka-iingatan ko brilyante ng lupa!!!

Napa-sight siya sa 'ken dahil ilang segundo ren na nakashoyo akembang doonchie. So, for the sake, the witchelles naman akembang magmukhang shunga na parang noon lang nakasightchinabelles ng notring eh . . . . joint na ren agad sa shower.

So, hayon na nga . . . ligo . . . . ligo. . . . shower . . .shower . . . . sabon . . . sabon . . . . himas . . . . himas . . . .

Kelangan talagang may mga eksenang ganito ?!?!?!?!

Alam 'nyo na ha.

Shumoyo siya sa shorlikod kez at sinabon niya ang likodstra kembang. Bet ko sanang ichika na galingan niya ang paghagod dahil paminsan-minsan lang ako nakakapag-hilod ng likod. Pero wittelles ko naman na tinalak, baka eynimomentz eh masira lang ang momentum.

Then, unti-unti nang nag-iba ang mosyon ng kamay niya . . . . .gentler . . . softer . . . . nakakaerbog na ng fatalle. On my shoulders . . .on my chest (na di naman gaanong kalakihan) . . . . on my stomach (na panalo sa abs, charing!) . . . . on my navel . . . . parang ang mga kamay niya eh super explore na parang naghahanap ng "undiscovered territories" . . . . hanggang nakarating ang kamay niya sa "territory" na kanina pa eh willing na willing nang madiscover.

Witchelles ko na naiwasan ang panibugho ng pagkaCatherine-Zeta-Jones ko. Unti-unti nang nag-standing-ovation si junjun ko.

Humarap akembang sa kanya at mas lalong nanlaki ang mata kez. Tamang-tama nga ang pag-i-standing-ovation kez, dahil parang may pambansang awit na magaganap dahil merong nakatayong FLAGPOLE sa pagitan naming dalawa.

Shet na shet! As in shet na shet! No exaggerations . . . . . first time kong nakasightchinabelles ng malahiganteng notring na noong unang akala kez eh sa pantasya lang at sa dildo stores nag-e-exist!

Luluhod na sana akembang para sambahin ang pagkalalalake niya nang inunahan niya akez na lumuhod.

So, hinayaan ko na lang siya.

In total fairness naman, witchelles lang gifted ang notring niya . . . . gifted din siya sa paghada. Parang gusto ko tuloy mag-take ng crash course ng tamang paghada sa kanya.

So, hayon nga . . . . .

Tapos, bigla siyang shumoyo. Akala ko naman eh it's my turn . . .but then, ginetching niya ang shondomey na nakashotong sa lababo at ijinuot sa junjun kez.

Nyeta. Pabona ang potah!

Wala naman na akong choice eh andon na eh.

Shumorlikod siya again . . . and then . . . . . you know na what happened.

Ang mga tunog na nililikha ng malakas na buhos ng tubig sa shower ay napalitan ng mga halinghing at ipit na sigaw na sa una eh sigaw ng sakit pero nang sa kalaunan ay naging sigaw ng sarap.

Ang mabangong amoy ng sabon at shampoo ay napalitan ng mabigat na hangin na ibinubuga ng mga nag-uuminit na katawan.

Sa mga oras na iyon . . . . ang dalawa ay naging isa . . . . .

Hanggang sa . . . .

End of dookit.

Ayun lang.

Pagkashorpos ng shower-slash-dookit eh nagbihis na ren siya. Nagpasalamat at nagpaalam.

Sa loob-loob ko naman eh nyeta yon ha . . . . useless naman yata masyado ang kadakilaan ng junjun niya. Pero deadma . . . nag-enjoy din naman akez.

Nashogod akembang ng slight. May-i-higa-higaan portion akez sa bed habang inaasam-asam si Zanjoe Marudo sa loob ng bahay ni Kuya.

Nakakaborlog-borlog na akembang nang biglang nag-ringingbelles-jingle-belles ang phonil kez. Pag-sight kez sa screen eh "Private Number" ang talak.

Answer akez.

"Hello????"

"Are you the stranger?" sagot naman ng boses sa kabilang linya. Malalim at malaki ang boses niya. Buong-buo. Super DEEP VOICE.

Witchelles akez nakashorgot dahil honestly eh wala akong idea sa sinasabi niya.

"You gave me your number over the internet," sabi ni DEEP VOICE

Ahhhhhh. Okay. So, isa ito sa mga prospective bookings.

"Oh yeah . . . " chika ko na lang.

"So, wanna go out?"

Ichichika ko sanang super pagoda tragedy na akembang but then, I felt something . . . . na-curious naman akez bigla dahil sobrang ganda ng boses niya. Parang boses pa lang eh ulam na! Keri nang mag-mega-shingger-lickin'-good-at-KFC na ang drama mo habang pinapakinggan ang boses niya at solb-solb na.

"Ano naman ang gagawin natin," chika ko. SWITCH to flirt mode.

"Coffee . . . . I know a great place . . . . a must-go-to here in Davao."

"Okay. Sige."

"Okay then, I'll pick you up at your hotel, say in 20 minutes?"

"Can you make it 10?"

TO BE CONTINUED

STRANGER in DAVAO (PART 1)

2006-04-25T07:41:00.000-07:00

Summer is just around the corner kaya pagkalabas kez ng balaysung eh mega best in summer wear na akembang with matching sunblock and shades na sa sobrang dakil eh mahihiya pati si Audrey Hepburn sa Breakfast in Tifanny's.

Gumetlack akembang ng shoxiebelles at sabay talak, "Sa airport . . ."

Haves akembang ng another raket sa Davao. Second time ko nang umataksiva doonchienabelles at ang first time na atak kez eh witchelles na nga akembang nakapagenjoy dahil ngaragan portion eh nawalan pa akembang ng cellphone at laptop. Haggardness to the fatalistic level.

That time eh dalawang araw na lang eh Fashion Week na and yes oh yes! Pinagpalit kez ang mga glamorosang raket for Fashion Week para sa Sales Convention ng instant noodles. Yes! Da 'vah from runway sana eh pang-kusina lang ang bagsak ng beauty kez. But then, of course eh you know naman . . . . budjey comes first. Eh mas malaki ang budjey ng instant noodles eh kaya go lang ng go!

Pagdating sa Domestic Airport eh sinalubong na kez ng counterpart ko sa Universal Robina . . . si Dakki. Noong una kong nasightchinabelles si Dakki eh parang nakita ko na ang soulmate kong matagal-tagal ko nang hinahanap-hanap. Narinig ko ang mga kalembang sa tenga ko . . . . . which signals na siya na ang lalaking maghihintay sa 'ken sa dulo ng altar with a wala nang kinabukasang-"Sam Milby smile", habang kumakanta ang Madrigal ng "Sana'y Wala Nang Wakas". Na-felt ko, as in felt na felt na felt . . . . siya ang lalaking magtataguyod ng pamilya ko at magiging ama ng mga anak ko . . . . shet! May pagka-chines itung si Dakki, or rather chines talaga siya at ang kutis eh parang kokomban na matapik lang ng kaunti ni Madame Sandra eh namumula nang daig pa ang kinalburong mabolo. And the way he moves and speaks eh parang learn na learn mo nang simula pa lang pre-school, hanggang kolehiyolo hanggang post-graduate eh LaSalle ang pinapasukan nitu with matching hatid-sundo ng chedeng na may druvang na may hawak parating dakil na payong.

Kaso nga lang eh may angking ka-bubistrihan itung si Dakki, which makes me wonder kung paano siya napadpad sa masho-as sho-as niyang posisyon sa kompanya nila. Oh well! Ayaw ko mang maging judgmental pero sabi nga nila . . . . No One is Perfect!

Anyway, pagdating sa airport eh pinabitbit ko na sa kanya ang mga bagelya kez. Oo naman noh! Para naman magkasilbi siya, ako na nga ang lahat na gumawa ng trabaho niya for the past month! Echoz! Gentleman lang talaga siya. Tarush noh! Babae talaga ang tingin ko sa sarili ko.

Pagkapostcard mag-check-in eh super waiting-in-vain lang kami sa VIP lounge. Powerful naman kasi si Dakki, marami siyang friends sa Cebu Pacific. But then, witchelles ko pa man na-aabuso ang libreng kape sa VIP lounge eh . . . . . "Flight no. chenelyn chenelyn bar bound to Davao is now boarding at gate chenelyn . . ."

Imberna!

So, go kami sa kainitan ng araw paatak sa jeroplano.

"Sa loob ng tintayang dalawang oras at dalawampung minuto, tayo po ay lalapag sa pandaigdigang paliparan ng Davao. Ikabit na po natin ang ating mga sinturong pangkaligtasan dahil tayo po ay lilipad na . . . ", sabi ng super gwapong flight steward na nagngangalang Ricky sa mic.

Habang nasa flight eh, I can't help but imagine . . . . . sa totoo lang eh isa sa mga pinaka na eh wildest pang pangarap ko eh ang makapagdookit sa isang super gwapong flight steward sa loob ng napakasikip na lavatory habang pa-crash landing na ang jeroplano. Siyempre naman noh . . . last momentz mo na yon on Earth . . . . better spend it wisely!

Anyway, after nga ng tinatayang dalawang oras at dalawampung minuto eh nakalapag din kami sa pandaigdigang paliparan ng davao.

Kakaloka pero in fairness . . . . . . wala kong masasabi sa airport ng Davao . . . as in na maliwanag na nilalampaso nitu ang lahat ng airport sa Pilipinas including NAIA. As in . . fabulous siya. Yun lang!

From the airport eh mahaba-habang biyahe pa another ang tinahak namin paatak sa Marco Polo Davao.

To be honest eh witchelles ko na nga iniisip ang convention the following day eh . . . ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ang mag-enjoy . . . . at mag-enjoy. Shet! Ang harsh ko noh?!

Pagdating sa hotel eh super check-in at buong akala ko pa naman eh magkajointforces kami ni Dakki sa room at nang makapagpulo't-gata na kame at looooong last . . . . . . . but then no! Tig-isang roomaloo talaga kami. Since keri naman daw na magwaldas ng salapi. Go lang ng go! At dahil 'jan hanggang pati sa niyosi kez eh ni-reimburse kez.

Anyway, after namin makapagsettle-down sa aming mga rooms eh betchay ko nang simulan ang Davao escapades kez. Inaya ko si Dakki but then, betchay daw muna niyang magrest. Text na lang daw niya ako pagdinner na.

So, hayon na . . . may I para akembang ng shoxiebelles na witchelles aircash. Trulagen! Haves talaga doonchienabelles ng shoxiebelles na witchelles aircash at ang flagdown eh 26 peysos at bawat pitik ng metro eh piso. Kaya siguro ang biyaheng parang from Baclaran to Fairview and back eh wala pang one hundred peysos.

Umatak akembang sa SM, more walkathon, more aurahan portion pero ligwak . . . . walang happy people. Tapos umataksiva akembang sa another mall, NCCC . . . kung anik man ang ibig sabihin non eh witchelles ko na inalam.

So, walk another . . . aura another . . .

Then, biglang pumasok sa jisip kez ang tinalak ng isang friendiva kez . . . . "Whenever in NEED . . . . internet is the answer"

So . . . . internet café ang bagsak kez.

Open ng MIRC at super chat sa . . . saan pa . . . e di sa DAVAO channel.

With na handle "Stranger in Davao" eh naghanap talaga akembang ng, you know, People Like Me . . . since I'm stranger in the area . . . siyempre super sightchinabelles akembang ng kachokara . . you know . . . to show me around . . . . to make gimik with me . . . have some coffee . . . or something more . . . .

Anyway, may isang goodhearted na guy ang nag-private sa 'ken. Even though, witchelles daw siya badinggerzie . . . straight na guy siya pero super close lang sya sa mga badinggerzie. Hayon, chinika niya sa 'ken na majijirapan daw akembang na makasightchinabelles ng "booking" sa channel na iyonchie. So, super suggest siya na umataksiva akembang sa channel na "Davaos*x".

Naloka naman akembang.

Super shornong akez kasi eynimomentzzzzz . . eh hetero channel iyonchie at baka mabalahura lang akembang ng todo-todo.

Chika niya, witteles!

So, go lang ng go!

Hayon na nga.

Pag-atak ko doonchie at pag-announce kez na stranger nga akembang . . . just arrived in town and all those achuchuchu . . . eh pinutakti agad akembang ng sangkatutak na private. Kakaloka.

Sa pagkakataong iyon eh magaganap na ang elimination period.

Pakitaan ng pichurs . . . and more chika-chika delight . . . witchelles naman akembang particular sa looks . . . . for me . . performance counts! Echoz.

So . . . from 15 semi-finalists . . . . . eh nakapili akez ng shotlo . . . na ginivesungan kez ng numbererette kez.

After non eh ginutom na akembang at super laps . . . then flyback sa hotel dahil learn kez na eynimomentz eh may schedule na . . . .

Bago pa akembang makaligo eh haves na ng texter's choice award . . . .

Si . . . Ed Michael . . . . .

TEXT:

Hi. Ed hir, u giv m ur nmbr s chat earlier. R u free na b?

To be continued.

THE "NOT SO" TWISTED WORLD OF JESSICA

2006-04-21T05:21:00.000-07:00

Heto na nga! Since witchelles akey tinigilan ng sandamakmak na messages at email na super-demand ever kung aniklavu ang nangyari kay Jessica eh heto na . . . ibubuhos ko na.

As of the moment of this writing eh, I think mga 2 months na ang nakakalipas nang naka-flyuk ang my ever-dearest Jessica. Shet! You see how time flies?!

Anyway, hayun na nga.

'Nung gabing yon, nung super orwag si Miki eh direcho agad kami ni Claude sa Makati Med. At teka, bago ang lahat eh merong mga super-curiosity-kills-the-cat kung sinetchie uchimigawa si Miki. Hayon. Tumingin kayey sa sho-as arabum arabelles arabumbumbelles sa "Tingnan mo ko" banner . . . hayun ang Norweigian fly-in model, syempre, photo courtesy of Badinggerzie.

Loka da 'vah?

Hayon na nga . . . super suspense-thriller ang drama namin ni Claude on the way sa hospitality of culture. Naloka din ako dahil ang akala kong si Claude na may pusong pinatigas pa sa erna ng isang utaw na lumafang ng isang toneladang saging na lakatan eh may kapasidad pa rin palang maawa sa isang taong super binabalahura niya.

Pagdating namin sa emergency room eh nasightsiva na namen si Miki na jikot ng jikot na parang butiking na-tinga.

Nung nasightsiva niya kame eh bigla na lang siyang lumapet at napahinga ng malalim.

"Ay ran ran wana doo"

Ano raw . . . . . .

"Ay ran ran wana doo"

Potah. Siguro kung witchelles lang akey ngarageddy of culture 'nung mga oras na iyon at medyo tarantella eh nag-walk-out na lang akembang.

I don't know what to do daw . . . .

Hayun naman pala eh. Buti na lang eh may experience si Claude dealing with special child. Echoz!

Shinornong ni Claude kung nasaanchiewa si Jessica.

"Hisa stella ensad"

Ano raw uli . . . bat may stella L. na eksena?

He's still inside daw . . . .

Potah. Parang battle of the brains itu ha.

Shinornong ko siya kung anechiwa ba talaga ang nangyari.

Sa madaling sabi . . . ayaw ko na lang paduguin ang ilong ko pero . . . hayon pagka-isquierda raw nila sa Embassy at pagjuwelya sa Shang Makati eh dumiritsu na raw si Jessica sa nyi-arette at naloka na lang daw siya nang may ma-hearsung siyang super crayola to death sa loob ng kwartong pangkaruwagan. At hayon, pag enter the dragon niya eh na-sight niyang bloody mary na nga ang kamay ni Jessica.

Witchelles din daw niya learn kung anechiwa ang drama nung baklang may bukod sa may spotlight syndrome at bukod sa may short-term-memory-gap at bukod sa may malaking galet sa salapi eh may suicidal tendecies pa.

After siguro thirty minutes yon ng madugong usapan ng mga baluktot na ingles eh may jumubas na doktor in a white long gown at chinika kami kung kami daw ba ang kajoint-forces ni Jessica.

"We did everything that we can . . ."

Talak ba naman ng doktor. Harsh!

Parang itu ang favorite punchline sa mga telenovela kapag nashigbak na ang isang karakter ha.

"But he is still ang screaming fagot!"

Echoz!

Ang trueliling chika ng doktor eh keri naman na raw si Jessica. Minor injury lang naman, at witchelles naman kalaliman ang dinulot ng buckle ng Gucci na belt.

At doon ay halos isinuko ko na ang lahat-lahat sa akin nang ma-hearsung key hey hey hey ang talak na yon.

Gucci belt talaga ang ginamit ng baklang halimaw para pagpakashukamatay ara?!

Eksena ha!

At biglang lumabas na rin si Jessica sa ward na hapung-hapo na daig pa ang eksena ng isang comfort-gay na pinilahan ng tatlong batalyong hapones nung panahon ng giyera.

"I should've died," talak ng baklang Jessica na super trying-hard na magpapatak ng luha kahit sa sobrang kaOAyan niya eh papasa na siya para sa Etheria.

Pedeng-pede ko namang sabihin na, "Oo nga. Dapat natigok ka na. Sana sinundan mo lang ang madilim na ilaw pababa. Yon ang sundo mo nang mabawasan na ang mga baklang may maiitim na buto sa lupa . . . " But since being an always politically-correct gay eh ang tinalak ko na lang eh, "No, dear. Kaya mo yan. You can definitely manage."

Shet! Best in nyostikera of the year awardee naman akembang bang klang klang klang!

"I should've died . . . . I should've left this world and be in peace. Hindi ko na kaya. I should've died in the creation of my god (malamang eh yung Gucci yon)."

Deadma na lang akembang at super himas na lang kay Jessica na super inimagine ko na lang na isang pusang ligaw na gutom na nga eh nahulog pa sa imbornal. At si Claude naman eh naka-iwas ng tingin with matching tirik-tirik ng eyeballs on the loose.

Pero deadma na. Dinamayan ko na lang siya to the best na kinaya ng sikmura ko.

Seriously (and dautan aside), after that eksena eh witchelles na rin naman tinalak ni Jessica kung aniklavu ang naging drama niya at nagbali-baliwag portion siya at najisipang magshukamatay. Siguro, later on, eh pati sya eh nahiya sa mga pinaggagagawa niya.

Pero, it's a serious matter.

Maski naman siguro na witchelles aminin ni Jessica ang dahilan eh para sa akin eh super obvious naman.

Imagine a person na a couple of years ago eh super salat sa pamumuhay na halos pangkain na lang eh shinishipid-shipid pa para lang may pamasahe para pumasok sa eskwalahan nang makashorpos at mai-ahon ang naghuhumikahos na pamumuhay at kung minsan eh minamalas-malas pa na walang pamatud eh super walkathon to the college ang labanan.

Tapos biglang umibig at inibig (pansamantala).

Pakkkkkkatapos, jiniwan din siya ng jowa niya dahil nga sa sitwasyon niya sa life. Even though na chismis lang yon pero nafi-feel kong may ganong factor talaga.

Then, this person had an opportunity . . . . a very BIG opportunity. Sinunggaban niya agad iteckla kahit anechiwa pa ang jicipin nang kung sinung herodes at hayon . . . . JACKPOT!!!!

At ang mga kaligayahang witchelles niya natamasa nung mga panahong kapitbahay niya eh pusali eh nadama niya. Or rather, binili niya.

Jumelya sa Pilipinas, para lang ipamukha sa ibang mga utaw na yumurak sa kanya na RICA PARALEJO na siya at in fairness, eh sinamba naman siya ng todo-todo.

Pero isa lang ang witchelles niya nabili. Ang rason ng lahat ng pagsusumikap niya . . . . . ang totoong rason kung baket siya jumuwelya sa Pilipinas . . . . ang PAG-IBIG na nawala.

Sa labas nga eh masaya siya, okay fine, mamahalin ang mga damit na bumabalot sa katawan niya pero ang witchelles ko lang sure eh kung masaya ba talaga siya inside. Siguro naman eh witchelles pagpapakamatay ang isang utawsingbelles kung masaya siya inside da ‘vah?

Parang gusto ko na tuloy maniwala sa kachikahang "Money can’t buy everything!!"

I really don't know. Ayaw ko namang maging jugmental at baka maging kontrabida pa ang image ko but then . . . hayon na nga, deep inside me eh I feel sorry for Jessica.

Kasi parang in the end, it all boils down to one thing. Let's strip Jessica of his expensive clothes, new-yorker accent and a 5th avenue attitude eh he is just a plain-old-simple badinggerzie that is longing to be loved. Na kung minsan eh nagegetching niya ang everything pero witchelles pa rin siya happy kasi witchelles naman talaga yonchie ang desire niya. Ang totoong desire niya eh ang pag-ibig na na-loss na super waiting-in-vain pa rin siyang maibalik uli but then, nothing happened. Hindi rin siya binalikan ni Gerry maski tumaas na ang market value niya. Witchelles ko sure kung aniklavu naman ang rason ni Gerry, siguro may jowa na siya as of the momentzzz or witchelles lang talaga niya feel o siguro wala na talaga yung kilig factor. It's just another case of a failed love. Parang akez. Parang ikaw lang, na super readaloo ng blogsiva na itey sa opisina habang super nakahanda ang mga daliri sa Alt+F4 just in case na my opismate na dumaan, parang ikaw . . . . oo ikaw . . . na super deny to death na witchelles ka badinggerzie dahil isa ka ngang "bi" . . . . . tsaka ikaw din na kahapon lang eh ang sweetness than sugar ang drama nyong magjowa but today eh bitterness than apdo ng tilapia naman ang drama. We all crave for one thing siguro.

I don't know. Pedeng mali ang assumptions ko regarding Jessica. Pero that's how I saw things.

Come to think of it, Jessica's world is not that twisted naman pala after all.

LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT (AFTERSHOCK)

2006-04-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

Haller!!!!!!!!! With matching wave ala-miss universe, smile-litaw-gilagid na parang wala nang kinabukasan, at cartwheel with rolling drums and trumpets on the side, tayo then talon ng dalawang beses then GABUGSHK!!!!! SPLIT!!!!

Sorry sa mejo mashugal-shugal na panahon na walang update dahil . . . . .'wag niyo na munang alamin . . . .

Anyway, bago ang lahat eh betchay ko lang balikan ang PREVIOUS EPISODE (Let's Get Straight to the Point) dahil nalukresia-kasilag naman akey hey hey hey daw sa mga reaksyones por pabor ng iba't ibang utaw.

Itechiwa naman kasi ang betchay ko sa blogsiva na itey. Aside from writing the stories of my life and sharing it to you guys eh nagiging venue din siya ng mga mas makabuluhang balitaktakan. O da 'vah. It only proves, that there's more to life than kabaklaan. There's more to life than more kembot and more foundation day! Yeys! Because there is no life without hada and bona! Echoz!

Ang point ko lang eh sa bawat bagay na ginagawa at nangyayari sa ating life ever eh may lesson tayong natutuhan at may sense tayong nahuhugot maski ang pinakamaliit na pilantik ng ating mga daliri.

Okay so here it goes:

From Gerard (http://www.rainwaterkennel.com/): Hirap ng tanong mo ateng, para mong tinanong kung nauna ba ang itlog o ang manok.

HARSH!!!!

BADINGGERZIE: Gerard, ganun talaga ang buhay mare. Kung minsan eh haves talaga tayez ng mga shornong na super best in Battle of the Brains. At dahil dyan, HARSH!!!!! Talaga!

From ANONYMOUS: It will take a lot of sacrifices on both part. Mahirap makuntento sa isang bilat kung menchus talaga ang mas bet mo. At sa part naman ng girl, mental torture na isipin na nag-e-egg hunting ang love mong gay kahit hindi easter!

BADINGGERZIE: Bago ang lahat, sino ba talaga si ANONYMOUS, kase simula pa lang na ginawa ang internet eh parati ko na siyang nasa-sight? Ang tanong ng bayan . . . ANONYMOUS! Sinu ka ba? Echoz! Anyway, "Mahirap makuntento sa isang bilat kung menchus talaga ang hanap mo"-yun nga eh, so baket kelangan pang may BILAT factor da 'vah? Di ba kering kung bilat eh bilat talaga at kung menchus eh menchus na lang? Para fair naman da 'vah? Regarding dun sa part ng girl, trulagen yan, mental torture ang fact na ma-learn ng isang bilat na ang bet niyang putahe eh bet din ng jusawa niya.

From ILAJ: true that love really exists. but a straight man can never love a homo the way a homo can love a straight guy. all of us are witnesses to that. but for the search of true love and happiness, we let ourselves be blinded with some straight guys' sweet nothings, promises, and of course, the overwhelming joy they bring. there are resons why a straight guy enter a man to man relationship. sometimes, for companionship. sometimes, plain lust. most of the time, MONEY. but they never do it for love. we all know that. but why can't we learn from the mistakes of the past? maybe deep inside, there in the backs of our minds and heart, we all feel that we are women longing to be with a real man. and thats all shit.

BADINGGERZIE: Ito ang unang pag-tumbling ko habang nagbabasa akez ng mga talak. Ibang level ka ILAJ! You're like so up there ha. ". . . . a straight man can never love a homo the way a homo can love a straight guy"-sheeeeet! Bet ko yang linyang yan!!!! Parang bet kong ipa-cross-stitch at ipa-laminate. "we let ourselves be blinded with straight guys' sweet nothings . . . . " Honga naman! Ang mga veklores naman kasi, nginitian lang ng konte, sinundot sa tagiliran . . . eh hayon . . . namamalipit na sa kilig na daig pa ang pusang di mapaanak. REASONS WHY A STRAIGHT MAN ENTER A MAN TO MAN RELATIONSHIP-true yang mga tinalak mo base sa sosyolohikal at sikolihikal na pananaw. Pero ang tanong ng bayan eh hayun na nga. KUNG ANG STRAIGHT EH PUMATOL SA BADINGGERZIE EH STRAIGHT PA REN BA SYANG MAITUTURING (maski sabihin nating wala ngang true love na involved) WHY CAN'T WE LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF THE PAST. . . . eh mga bakla pa! May learn nga akez janchie eh habang super sightchienabelles ng booking sa circle of life eh nanyoldafie ever at after one week eh rampa na naman sa circle of life. Walang kadala-dala.

"We all feel that we are women longing to be with a real man"-shit nga itu. Parang peanut butter! Di ba pedeng "we all feel that we are feeling-women longing to be with another feeling-woman"? Echoz garbanzos!

From STELLAR (http://mywaymilkyway.blogspot.com/): even the concept of romantic love is socially constructed. we're still being guided by the normativity of a heterocentric society that's why i guess for most of us, love still [and hopefully not always and forever and ever] sees sexual preference. even the concepts of love and emotions are socially constructed. so i guess, we can never really tell if true love exists or what true love really means.

BADINGGERZIE: Pangalawang pagtumbling ko! Misteryo ng HAPIS! Hindi ko kinaya ang "normativity" at "heterocentric". Nosebleed! Echoz!!! Pero like ko ang point mo STELLAR, so very Fyodor Dostoevsky sa Notes from the Underground.

From SAIKEE (http://lobster-tony.livejournal.com/): I wrote this poem for a friend of mine when he became jaded about love.

Poor love, battered and bruised and found wanting
Poor love, expected to outdo everyone and everything
Poor love, forced to change by one's beliefs, virtues and expectations
Poor love, never feeling the bliss she/he bestows

BADINGGERZIE: Nahipo akez sa poem mo mare pero keri lang bang gawan ko itu ng sariling version.

Poor brown star, battered and bruised and found wanting
Poor brown star, expected to outdo everyone and everything
Poor brown star, forced to change by one's beliefs, virtues and expectations
Poor brown star, never feeling the bliss he bestows
Poor brown star, always longing to have a clitoris!

Echoz.

From Argel Sotto of UST: sana makalipad din ako na parang paru-paro tulad mo when i graduate..

BADINGGERZIE: Argel, hindi naman kelangan ang TOGA ang gagawin mong unang-unang long gown na isusuot noh. Oh well, feeling ko lang eh as of the momentzzzzzzz, spread your wings and prepare to fly . . . . YOU ARE A BUTTERFLY. ALWAYS BEEN A BUTTERFLY. WILL ALWAYS BE A BUTTERFLY. So . . . . watcha waitin . . . . watcha waitin . . . . . watcha waitin for!!!!???

From OHDIE: well, all i can ispluk is that true love really exists... pero sometimes witchelles ko ma-knowsline kung anda lang talaga ang gusto ng bf ko kasi naman noh may jusawa't junakis na siya and wit naman siya humihingi ng datung kusa kong binibigay itech hay kaloka,,,, ngayon im trying to avoid him muna and to think kung ano ba talaga kami.... ayoko muna ulit masaktan,masarap magmahal at mahalin pero ewnachi ko ba.... i love your blog grabe nakakaaliw ang mga story =) thanks.. well sana post ka ng mga story about gay-to-straight stories and kung anu ano pang mga kabaklaang story okei maraming salamat po have a nice day

BADINGGERZIE: Ohdie, sa totoo lang, curious lang ako. Ano ang feeling ng may jowang menchus na may jusawa't junakis? In short, ano ang feeling na maging isang querida? Echoz! Pero isa lang ang masasabi ko day! Panalo ka. Ang ganda-ganda mo! Hindi lang mahaba ang hair mo, madulas at makintab pa itu, parang nagpasalon. Bata pa lang ako, pangarap ko nang maging querida. Ewan ko ba.

Anyway, may naging jowa din ako non na straight-straightan or siguro fling lang kasi dalawang araw lang kami. Tapos, nung unang gabi na natulog siya sa haus, nagdookit kami. Hindi naman siya naningil pakatapos. Pagkagising ko, wala na siya. Wala na ren ang TV ko. Hindi ko naman inisip na minatudnila niya ang tivang ko. Inisip ko na baka na-misplace ko lang. Echoz!

From Kirk: haynako odhie... kahit kolboy nde manghihinge sayo noh! hihintayin nilang kusa mo silang bigyan! un lng..

BADINGGERZIE: May eksena ka talaga ditey hey hey hey!

From Carla: Yung ganito bang problema ng mga bakla sa society lang natin (Pilipinas, third world, etc.)? Kasi parang sa ibang bansa, e.g. Amerika, parang ok lang sila sa bakla sa bakla. Parang wala naman akong naririnig na Amerikanong bakla na gustong magka-boyfriend ng "straight". Dahil kaya sa ekonomiya natin: maraming mahirap na lalaki na gustong pagkakitaan ang mga bakla? O dahil kaya sa iba ang pag-define ng mga baklang Pinoy sa kanilang pagkabakla (gustong 'maging' o magmistulang babae)?

BADINGGERZIE: Betchay ko naman ang tanung na itu. Pang-thesis na ito ha! At dahil jan, thesis din ang sagot ko, please read NEIL J. GARCIA'S THE PHILIPPINE GAY CULTURE. Anjan ang lahat ng komprehensibong sagot patungkol sa kinalaman ng hubog ng ating kultura for the past centuries, simula pa nang bago unang tumapak ang mga kastilaloy dito sa ating bansa hanggang sa kasalukuyang panahon. Tinalakay din dito kung paano nakaapekto ang kulturang Pilipino sa pagbuo ng kulturang bakla na sa malamang ay malaki ang pagkakaiba sa kulturang bakla ng ibang bansa.

Yung tungkol sa ekonomiya cherva, eh witchelles ako sasang-ayon jan. Sa aking hinuha, ang isang tunay na lalake kahit pa sobrang isang kahid at isang tuka na lamang ang kanyang uri ng pamumuhay ay hinding-hindi ihahain ang kanyang ari sa mga binabaeng may kakayahang magbayad ng salapi. Maari pa silang magbuhat na lamang ng hollow blocks o di kaya'y mang-agaw na lamang ng cellphone sa quiapo.

Ngunit pero subalit datapwat meron nga tayong sinaunang kasabihan . . . . ANG TAONG NAGIGIPIT SA BADING KUMAKAPIT!

From ANONYMOUS: ateng Bernz ... i hate to correct you, but kipays do fart too.

I hope your friend, Kiara, gets out of that shitty relationship. Unless bulag talaga ang feelings niya, wala tayong magawa kung di pabayaan na lang siya na mag-concede sa come and go ever and ever ng partner niyang bi-bayotin, davah?

wish ko lang na sana magka-jusawa ka na soon para happy kaming mga followers mo.

BADINGGERZIE: Anonymous, ikaw na naman! Echoz! Umuutot ang kipay! Shet! I learned something today ha. At dahil jan, kinonfirm ko itu sa isang bilat kong officemate. Yeys. Umuutot daw ang kipay paminsan-minsan at ang tunog ay parang ganito: Huminga ng malalim sa ilong, hold your breath. Itiklop ang mga labi paloob sa bunganga. Sabay mabilis na mag-exhale gamit din ang bunganga causing the lips to fold out. Pag may narinig kayong tunog, yun daw ang tunog ng kipay pag umuutot.

Harsh!

Yung about dun sa wish mo. Wag kang mag-alala. Wish ko ren yon!

From EGA: i think most filipino gays should learn to detach from a feudalistic, gay- straight-man relationship particularly those monetized partnership. although mahirap kasi ang mga lalaking dumuduyan sa bading ay nag eexpect talaga ng pera, allowances, scholarship, shoes, clothes, relo, etc (kahit sabihin pa nating kusang binibigay). di madaling gawin ito pero, i think this is the only way out to free battered gays from a tragic relationship.

kaya nga sguro masaya tayong nagbabasa sa mga experiences ni bernz kasi, single sya na hindi nagpapaapi sa mga lalaking wanting for benefactors.

ako, i ams till learning the tricks on how to diplomatically distance myself from my other partners (i.e. richie, sherwin, henry boy, jon, edber who are quite madugo).

keri ko na yung isang ramir na may inanakang kipay pero sabi nya ay mas namimiss nya raw ako at ang aming mga kaganapan noon. hahay.

to kiara, kaya mo yan sister. get the needed break in manila and get back to work.

i hope i could see you in aklan next month.

BADINGGERZIE: Ega, kakalowka ka! "gays should learn to deatch from a feudalistic, gay-straight-man relationship particularly those monetized partnership" itu naman eh parang gusto kong ipa-ukit sa kahoy at idesplay sa sala ko. Karl Marx isdachu? Pero agree ako sa point mo! Kelan ka nga ba?

Pero mas naloka ako!!! Meron ka bang gustong ipahiwatig at kelangang may special metion pa ng mga namesung galore!!!

From RAE: Why is it in the philippines that a so called "straight" guy will go into a gay relationship with the perks of money,clothes,and other material things?pero meron din naman ilang boys na attention and caring lang , carry na? dito sa states, bakla sa bakla, kahit gaano ka-hotness ang mhin, pag nalaman mong straight, deadma na lang. pero once you feel that he might play with the same team, abay go for the gold ka na.some countries in the middle east , medyo iba nag drama, parang mentor- student ang drama, purely sex lang pag prapractisan ka lang ng mentor mo. pag nagka dyowa na siya ng bilat, then ikaw naman ang hahanap ng student mo, winner di vah ?

BADINGGERZIE: Rae, (TFC subscriber din itu ha!) honga naman, buti pa sa stits walang dramang straight-straightan portion. Join lang ng join. Bakla sa bakla. Kapwa ko mahal ko. Haaaaay. Sana sa stits na lang akez pinanganak. Nakakarami na sana ako ngayon.

About dun sa mentor-student na drama ay trulagen colagen sustagen yan! Even as early as the time of ancient greeks eh wala namang malisya na ang isang menchus eh magpa-bona sa isang mas nakatatandang menchus. Isa itung initiation bago pa tumuntong ang mas kyotabelles na menchus sa buhay thundercats. Parang si Plato, binona muna si Socrates, tapos si Socrates binona si Aristotle (tama ba ang sequence?) At si Artistotle naman eh binona si ALEXANDER THE GREAT. Kaya hayun ang lola ALEXANDRIA naten best in GAY of the ancient history award. Pero di ba? The person who is considered as one of the best generals in human history eh isang badinggerzie. Laban kayo don? At dahil jan. Hala sige. Para maging successful ang mga koodetah attempts eh i-try naman nila minsan na gawing bading ang gawin nilang leader. Echoz lang! Eynimomentz! Inciting to sedition on the loose. Baka posasan nalang ako bukas at ikulong katabi ni Dinky Soliman! Shet! Makakabog naman ako sa best in Highlights!

From Erwin/Tangerine: Mahusay ka ateng! Isa kang henya! Ilang beses na akong sinasabihan ng ditseng kobang kong taga LA na lulong-na lulong sa maka-droga mong blog! Salamat sa mga nakaka-tumbling mong blogs! Super enjoy ako sa pag-basa! At aminin, talagang may diskusyon kami ng ditseng kobang ko tungkol sa mga istorya mo. Lamon ang book review. Kung meron kang fans club, pwede bang mag-volunteer na maging presidente dito sa East Coast (eching bagatsing!)

O siya, ipagpatuloy ang mga kwento....suportado ka namin dito sa tate!

BADINGGERZIE: Erwin, salamat sa walang patumanggang papuri. Nag-b-blush naman ako. Nakakaloka ang fact na hanggang sa Stits eh nakakarating ang buhay ko.

Mahal ko kayong lahat jan.

Basta lang ha. Pag-uwe ditey. Ang mga pasalubong! Echoz! Mangga-mangga hinog ka na ba?

From Myrrh (http://greeneight.blogspot.com/): love exists.. share ko lang, kaloka kanina, yung mga college friends ko hindi yata maimagine na someday makikipagsex akez sa kapwa ko. Kaya hayun, mega-make ako ng kontratatata na friends parin kaus even though hindi na akez birhen. Pinirmahan naman nila provided 20+ na akez and sa worthy man dapat.. hahaha.. kaloka talaga.. wala lang, share share lang...

BADINGGERZIE: Myrrh, hay nako. Ang mga totoong friends eh friends mo talaga ano man ang gawin, mirese trese kwatorseng, jergens ka pa o naipamigay mo na ang brilyante ng lupa mo 'nung thirteen years old ka sa isang panadero sa kanto o kahit pa kapwa mo eh mahal mo o maski lumalala ka pa ng papaitan. Witchelles na kelangan ng kontrata-kontrata noh. Malalaman mo ang truelili mong friendiva kapag super stand-by-me pa ren ang drama nila maski makipag-sex ka pa sa pusa noh!

Hay nako. Naloka ako sa pagsagot ng mga chenelyn bar.

Kaya sige . . . talak lang ng talak. I really appreciate that you guys are reacting. At least nararamdaman kong hindi kayo mga manhid noh at nafi-feel kong meron nagbabasa ng mga kachenesang pinagsusulat ko.

You make my heart bigger kaya eynimomentzzzz . . . . heart attack ang drama ko. Enlargement of the heart.

Echoz!!!!

THE UNWANTED (?) GIFT

2006-03-22T09:00:00.001-08:00

It was supposed to be an ordinary day. Pagkagising kez eh wai na si Kiara, talak ni Nick, maaga pa lang daw eh umisquierda na dahil meron nga daw siyang pi-pick-up-in. Ah okay. So, hayun. Umisquierda na ren ako. Umatend ng presentation sa isang kliyente, nagmaganda, nagmaasim hanggang na-approve ang budget for an event sa Philippine Stock Exchange concerning the Lopez Group.

In the middle of the day eh nagtext ang baklang Kiara, chika niya, 'wag na raw akez lumandi at dumirecho na akez sa balaysung dahil nga sa gift niya.

So, ako naman excited. Di ko na tinatapos ang dinner ko with some models at nag-fly na ren pajuwelya.

Nadatnan ko si Kiara na super feel at home sa zebra-printed kong sofa at super deadma sa aken at watch lang ng tivang.

Akez naman eh super pigil sa aking super excited na feeling dahil nga may gift sa 'ken ang bakla. Deadma lang din ako kunwari pero nafi-felt kong nagtu-twitch ang mga lips ko dahil sa pigil na ngiti.

Pag-sight sa ken ni Kiara eh parang wala lang.

Super smile naman akez na parang batang nag-aabang ng surprise sa kanyang 10th birthday party. Or rather, parang isang baklitang, nag-aabang ng hubad na menchus na lalabas sa isang life-size cake.

Titig lang sa 'ken si Kiara, nahihiwagaan sa facial expression ko.

Tado to ha! Parang bet ko namang dagukan si Kiara, nagmamadali pa naman akong jumuwelya para sa gift niya tapos dedeadmahin niya akez ng ganitezt.

Hanggang, "Ahhhhhhhhh!" bumalik din sa sariling katinuan si Kiara.

"Nasan na?" di na na napigil ang excitement kez.

"Yung gift?"

"Naman!"

"May binili lang, hintayin mo parating na yon."

Naloka naman daw ako. May binili? Sino? Parang may sariling buhay naman yung gift ko.

"Speaking . . . ." talak ni Kiara sabay tingin sa pinto sa likod ko.

Bigla naman akong tumalikod at shet! May sariling buhay nga ang gift ko at parang ang sarili ko namang buhay ay parang biglang lumipad sa kawalan.

"Anong ginagawa niya dito?" pasigaw kong shornong kay Kiara.

"You don't like my gift?"

Napatingin uli ako sa likod ko, super wish na baka namamalikmata lang ako, pero trulagen colagen sustagen!!! Trulagen colagen sustagen!!!! Siya nga.

"Gusto ka daw niyang makita, nagkataon na hindi kami nagkasabay kahapon, sumunod na lang siya."

"Hi, Bernz," bati niya sa aken na parang bata na pinapagalitan ng titseraka.

"Hi, Bunso!"

At parang nagblanko na ang utak ko pagkatapos nung eksenang yon.

May mga momentz sa gay na gay na life ever naten na super windangers morrisette ang drama naten and avratheng. Yung mga tipong super naba-blanko ang utak naten, and parang nalunon naten ang sarili nating dila. Parang, suddenly, eh na-mongoloid tayez at witchelles makapagconceive ng mga tamang salitang sasabihin at ni hindi man lang tayez makapaghold ng sensible na thought for more than 10 seconds.

Naranasan ko na yon minsan, isang night out sa Malate, tapos na-short akez ng cash ever. So, kinailangan kez na mag-withdraw or else wai akez andalucia na pang-pagas sa mga ninomo at , nilafunggas key hey hey hey. Mega-attak ang bakla sa pinakmalapit na ATM, which is yung malapit na mismo sa TAFT.

So, parang si Little red Riding Hood, with matching kendeng-kendeng pa eh super attaksiva ako sa ATM. Super-withdraw at paglabas ko sa booth eh super windang nang may isang menchus na bigla na lang sumulpot sa kawalan na may hawak ever na something na matulis at super shutok sa leeg key hey hey. Wai na akez nagawa, nagpa-girl na lang akez at ginivesung ang anda ko sa menchus. Baka naman kasi eynimomentz, pag nagmaganda pa akez, eh magripuhan akez at umattak back na lang akez sa Bed with matching tagas sa leeg at baso-basong bloody mary ang bitbit-bitbit key hey hey hey.

Buti na lang considerate enough siya at witchelles na niya ginetching ang nyelpie kez at ang puri kez. Sayang, willing pa naman sana akez na ibigay ang puri ko sa kanya ng buong-buo. Echoz! Witchelles ko naman ginetching ang lahat ng anda kez sa ATM kaya super withdraw na lang akez another sa another ATM which is like 48 blocks away. Haggardness!!!!

Ayon eh isa sa mga pinakawindangers morrisette na eksena ng life ever key hey hey hey at wishing na witchelles ko na ulit itey mafi-felt again and again. But then, nabigo akez.

Ganon na ganon ang feeling kez ng nasightchinabelles kez si Bunso sa apartment ko.

Pagkatapos ng dinner eh tsaka lang akez bumalik sa katinuan at napatunayan kez sa sarili kez na witchelles akez nababangungot.

Nagpasama akez kay Bunso sa rooftop para gumetching ng sinampay at shempre eh para na ren makasegue at maka-usap ko siya ng masinsinan.

Sa una eh witchelles makatingin sa 'ken ng direcho si Bunso. He must've felt bad. Sorry!!! Eh ganun talaga ang reaksyon ko. Ang pinaka-ayaw ko pa naman sa lahat eh yung namamlastik ng kapwa ko.

Pero confront din akez in the end. Chinika ko sa kanya na nasurprise talaga akez sa presence niya. And it doesn't necessarily mean na surprised in a "good way" dahil hindi ko talaga siya ineexpect. I felt bad din naman sa sinabi ko. Parang harsh. Hindi. Harsh talaga! Imagine, he flew all the way from Aklan, just to see me tapos ganon ang isasalubong ko sa kanya. Ang bastos ko noh? Harsh!

Sabi niya sa aken in his usual American accent na witchelles pa ren nababahiran ng puntong bisaya na matagal na daw nyang bet pumunta sa Manaylus dahil super boredom fatalle na siya sa Aklan. Gusto niyang umatak ditey dahil, number 1, gusto niya akez makita at makausap. Number 2, para na ren maghanap ng workikay dahil they are not getting any richer. Even though, nag-iinsist ang fudra niya na magboralsiva na lang muna siya since hindi din naman niya natapos ang studies niya sa Stits. Number 3, to experience life once again to the fullest, dahil nga parang nabagwisan siya nang madeport ang pamilya niya from the States. At super hirap for him to have a sudden shift of lifestyle, or rather LIFE.

Bigla naman daw ako nakonsiyensiya dahil sa sinabi niya. Parang sobrang itim naman ng buto ko at sobrang halang ng bituka ko.

Tinanong ko naman kung anung klaseng work naman ang ineexpect niyang makuha. Inexplain ko sa kanya na ang Maynila ay ibang-iba sa States na konting kembot lang eh super keri-keri nang makagetching ka ng workikay ever.

Sabi niya, okay lang daw kahit na ano, since hindi siya susustentuhan ng fuderakis niya.

Aaaaaaay! Nakakaloka. He's so young. Ni hindi pa nga siya nakakatuntong sa legal na edad e bigla na siyang nagtake-control sa buhay niya. Suddenly, I felt I'm responsible.

Sabi niya, hindi ko naman daw kailangang mag-worry. He can find his ways daw.

Sabi ko naman, hindi ko naman yata hahayaan na umisquierda na lang siya at gumala-gala sa Maynila trying to find his "ways". Manila is not a safe place.

'Wag ko daw siyang i-underestimate.

Hindi ko siya ina-underestimate. Mataas lang talaga ang kompiyansa ko sa kaguluhan ng Maynila.

So, hayun, lumabas na ren ang bagay na dapat lumabas. Sabi ko kanya, if he needs a place to stay, feel free to stay in my apartment until he can find something for his own.

Tapos super smile siya. Naglakad papalayo to have a better view of the skyline of Makati.

That night, as if the heaven is bejeweled with precious stones, stars suddenly decided to appear, is so solemn. My body is suddenly covered with warmth and intimacy. The horizon is a sight of buildings standing erect like phalluses, trying to prove they're not yet sterile, waiting patiently to make love.

(In Shorgalog: Ang gabi, na parang ang kalangitan ay binudburan ng mamahaling diyamante, ang mga bituin ay parang biglang nagsulputan, ay napakatahimik. At ang katawan ko ay biglang nabalot ng init at kalibugan. (Choz!) Ang (sheeeet di ko alam ang tagalog ng Horizon!) chenelynbhar ay isang eksena ng mga gusaling nakatayo ng direcho a parang mga tarugong nais patunayan na hindi pa sila baog, puspos na naghihintay na makipagtalik.)

Humarap uli sa 'ken si Bunso, still smiling. Ang makinang na kalawakan ay ang nagsisilbing backdrop. Biglang may pumasok na idea sa isip ko.

"Bunso, I guess I can find you a job for the mean time."

LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT

2006-03-15T09:51:00.000-08:00

After 48 years . . . . . . . . .

I hope everyone's fine, 'coz I'm fine . . . .

Greetings to everyone!!!!! Lahat kayo . . . mahal na mahal ko at salamat sa patuloy na pakikibakla sa 'ken.

To the gentleman from LA (wow, nadagdagan na naman ang mga TFC subscribers) Ernesto, thanks for droppin' by. To Eon, Ega, Alys . . . . bongga kayo!!!

At meron talagang "jessica's fan" hehehehe. Maloloka si bakla pag nalaman niya itu. Hayaan mo "jessica's fun" meron ako sumthing for you.

At for those who are curious kung sinetch-sinetch ang mga utawsingbelles sa mga fictures sa itaas eh . . . . hayan ang mga friendiva kez. (Not in particular order) Claude, Rica, Kiara, Francheska, Jessica, Bernz, Madonna. Tarush da 'vah.

O siya. Heto na!!!!

Almost a week ago eh umorwag sa 'ken si Kiara. Chika niya aatak daw siya sa Manaylus and he might stay here for a couple of days. Ask niya kung keri lang bang makituloy sa balaysung kez.

Chika ko naman keri lang.

Akala kez eh mega ataksiva si Kiara ditangchie sa Manaylus for more buysung ng tela or more sa pangingiliyente. Pero nang dumating siya sa balaysung kagabu eh daig pa niya ang itsura ni Vilma Santos pag na-luz-valdez sa Famas.

Isa na daw siyang bonafide na divorcee.

Divorcee talaga? Kakaloka ang concept, unang-una witchelles pa naman legal ang same-sex marriage ditey at pangalawa, mas lalong witchelles pa legal ang divorce. Pero isa lang ang ibig sabihin non. Nagkahiwalay na naman sila ni Gerard.

Witchelles na nagpaawat ang tukling, pagka-enter na paka-enter sa balay eh mega-talakathon portion na sa kung anung naging eksena nila ng kanyang unlawfully wedded husband.

Witchelles na raw niya kinakaya ang mga eksena ni Gerard dahil more daw ang bilatchinabelles nitey. 'Nung nasa Aklan akez, na-sightchinabelles ko naman non kung pano magbulag-bulagan ang bakla sa eksenang may bilat ang jowa niya. Pero na-realize niya na wrong-kangkong ang eksena. Nag-break sila. Pero nagkabalikan din naman sila da 'vah? Pinatunayan pa nga ni Gerard na wagas at busilak ang pag-ibig niya kay Kiara sa pamamagitan ng marriage proposal. At may kasal-kasalan ngang naganap. After non, akala naming lahat, especially Kiara, eh they will live happily ever after na.

Pero wittelles! Wittelles!

Wala pa raw one week after 'nung kasal-kasalan eh nakakahearsung na siya ng mga chismis tungkol sa jusawa niya. 'Nung una eh as usual deadma na naman ang bakla. Tapos meron nang mga physical evidence, meron nang mga credible witnesses at pati siya mismo eh nawitness niyang lumabas sa motmot si Gerard, one time na sinundan niya itu. Pero, hala sige, deadma pa ren si bakla. Jinijisip daw niya na mahal nya si Gerard at felt na felt din naman niyang mahal siya ni Gerard. PInilit niyang shonggapin yung fact na kung minsan talaga ang luluki e naghahanap ng kipay. Isang bagay na wala siya. Actually, meron din naman siyang kipay, umuutot nga lang.

Echoz!

Anyway, okay lang daw kung minsan. Pero napapadalas na itu. Nandon na yung point na nakikipagkompetensiya na siya sa oras at attention. At muntik na niyang shonggapin ang harsh na reality na ganun na talaga ang eksena nila. Wala siyang magagawa kung kipay ang hanap ng jusawa niya as long as sa kanya pa rin itu umuuwi. Harsh! Parang witchelles ko naman yata kakayanin ever ang ganong eksena!

Pero ang pinakaharsh na eksena na nakapagpa-warla kay Kiara to the over-maximum-to-death-level eh 'nung nakasight siya ng signs ng GRIPO kay Gerard. Pinilit niyang magpacheck-up silang dalawa at na-learn nila na positive! May GRIPO ngang may tagas si Gerard. Negative naman si Kiara. Hayon na. Ayon na ang point of no return at pinalayas na raw niya si Gerard.

Tapos nagdecide siyang mag-flayuk muna sa Manaylus since wala na namang tigil si Gerard sa pagpapaawa kay Kiara para balikan siya nitu.

At hayun na nga, andon na si Kiara sa zebra-covered sofa ko.

Dire-direcho ang kwento ni Kiara, parang saulado ang mga linya. Akez naman e napanganga na lang sa mga na-hearsung kez. Parang SMART! Simply Amazing!!! (Uuuuy! Sponsor! Echoz!)

"So anung plano mo?" ask ko kay Kiara habang mega-pour ng coffee sa tasa niya.

"Mag-stay muna ako dito for a couple of days. Palipas lang ng sama ng loob. Ngayon, pag-feel kong medyo okay na. Flyback na rin ako."

"Pero congratulations! You're taking it well ha. I can see no tears being shed."

"Bakla! Yun ang akala mo! Kung alam mo lang, para akong si Sisa mula Aklan hanggang dito, sa bus, sa eroplano, sa taxi, pinagtitinginan ako ng mga utaw. Dahil cry to death ako. Pasalamat ka nga nagsawa na ako sa kakangawa e."

Laftir kaming dalawa.

"Bakla ka talaga," talak ko. "Naalala mo dati, pag may problema ka, sa place ko agad ang unang atak mo, pero iba pa ang mga kinalolokahan mo non, it's either hindi mo nabooking yung bet na bet mo or hindi ka nilabasan dahil hindi magaling magperform yung kadookit mo or hindi mo mabili-bili yung bet na bet mong pantalon kasi low ang budget. Pero ngayon, marital problems na ha! My God! This is so adultish!!!!"

Dahil sa broken-hearted ang ever-dear friendiva ko member ng Fashion Designer's Association of the Philippines eh nag-treat na lang akez ng dinner sa Tianamen (plugging another! Kumikita ang mga establisyementong itu sa 'ken ha! Echoz). After a tormenting heartache, we all deserve the most luscious food and wine.

During dinner eh nag-segue si Kiara, meron daw siyang pasalubong sa 'ken, fresh from Aklan. Na-excite naman daw ako bigla. I like gifts!!! Hahahahaha. Mangga mangga hinog ka na ba? Teka, segue muna ako, speaking of gifts, thank you ule sa isang utaw na super read ng blogsiva ko sa Italy, at nag-givesung na naman siya ng sandamakmak na DVDs for Christmas. Mwah! Mahal na yata kita! Wehehehe. CHoz lang! Pero kung bet mong mahalin din ako eh why not?!?!?!

Echoz!!!

Hayun na nga, going back to Kiara's gift. Witchelles niya rin itu na-givesung sa 'ken dahil the following day pa ang dating nitey. Witchelles daw kasi niyang bet na magkeri ng things kaya pina-2GO na lang niya. Panalo naman ang bakla, akala mo naman e nanggaling sa Estados Unidos kung makapagpa-freight ng bagahe da 'vah?

Anyway, ma-giraffe talaga ang eksenang magjowa nang "straight-straightan na menchus" katulad nga ng nabanggit ko don sa isang entry about Mama Ricky.

If that is the case, are we doomed to be stuck in homosexual relationships (bakla sa bakla) together with the issues of monogamy and longevity? Or, are we doomed to stay in the shadows of our own self-respect, trying to prove our femininity in getting involved with straight guys?

Does love really exist? Because if it does, then I can assume that it knows no sexual preference. In the case of Kiara, there's love, there's passion from both parties, I can personally attest to that, but the problem is, there is no vagina. If love exists, should Gerard embrace the fact that the person that he is loving is a man and not a woman? (I guess, he is in a deep shit of identity crisis) Or on the other hand, if love exists, should it be Kiara who is to embrace the fact that his lover wants some things that he doesn't have, and he should live by it?

Does love really exist? Or are we just clinging in an age-old mythology, which is aimed for self-destruction?

Wag kayong magtataka kung ang negative ko this day. You can't blame me, I'm single! May bittreness talaga? Hahahha. Echoz.

Anyway, siguro love exists, and it knows no sexual preference, so, baket witchelles na lang tayez maghanap ng bilatchiwariwariwaps na iibigin naten at iibigin tayez?

Echoz!

To be continued

HINDI DAW SILA MAGJOWA!!!!!

2006-02-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

Nag-meet kami ni Prince sa McDonald's sa Glorietta kaninang lunch. Super teksami siya sa ketchiwa for the past few days at nag-iinvite. Akez naman e deadma, learn ko namng eynimomentz eh sakit na naman ng ulo ang i-gigivesung sa 'ken nung tukling na yon dahil sa kabaliwan niya sa kaibigan kong bato. Pero parang na-guilty din ako kaya't nag-meet kame.

Talak ni Prince na masyado na daw siya nahihirapan sa eksena nila ni Claude. May mga momentz daw na super sweet si Claude, tapos may mga momentz namang super deadmatology 101 ang drama niya na para lang siyang kaluluwang ligaw sa todos los santos. At ang pinakanakakaloka daw sa lahat eh 'nung nakaraang gabu lang eh nag-take-home ng dookit si Claude, na para kay Prince is a complete violation.

Witchelles naman sa kinakampihan ko si Claude, pero keri naman niyang gawin ang everything na bet niyang gawin sa balaysung niya.

Shinornong ko kung anu ba talaga ang status nila ni Claude.

Witchelles niya learn.

Chika ko naman, baka naman keri na niyang mag-move at maghanap ng sariling place, para malayo siya muna kay Claude. Para naman at least e makapag-jisip-jisip siya at marealize niyang negative talaga ang mga eksena niya.

Confident siya sa pagchika na learn niya deep inside eh may nararamdaman si Claude para sa kanya. Byorkot lang daw siyang aminin itey hey hey hey.

Witchelles ko naman sure kung truelili ba yon or not. I cannot talk for Claude.

Pero chika ko na lang na baka confused lang itung si Prince dahil sa feelings niya. Kung minsan, as a person in-love eh may mga bagay tayez na nafi-feel at nasa-sight na akala naten eh trulagen colagen sustagen. In short, baka nagiging damaera lang siya! DAMAERA . . . . isang taong mataas ang lebel ng pandama to the extent na nabibigyan niya ng ibang kahulugan ang mga bagay-bagay na pinapakita sa kanya.

Tinanong ko si Prince kung aneklavu ang bet niyang gawin.

Magtitiis daw siya. Hanggang keri niya.

HALLER!!!!!!!

Claude is not worth it.

Pero, sinuportahan ko naman siya. Sige, go lang ng go. Kung feeling niya eh enlababo siya talaga ng fatalle kay Claude at may uber-daks na chances na ma-enlababo din si Claude sa kanya eh why not?! Magtiis siya hanggang dumugo ang ilong niya.

Ka-joint ko naman si Claude isang afternoon sa Fitness First sa Robinson's Summit. Postcard na kami sa gym-gyman portion, at makyoket na ng fatalle ang bortawan kez.

Nakajupo na kami sa loob ng sauna na parang mga siopao na tinitinda sa binondo. Kaya kung minsan e mas bet namin sa Fitness First kesa sa Slimmers kasi sa powerful na sauna with the tapis-tapis portion and the steam and everything. Unlike sa Slimmers na shower ka lang, bihis tapos isquierda. At mas maraming pwedeng pag chismisan sa Fitness First. Hahhaahah. Pero anyway, may mga friendiva pa ren akez sa Slimmers . . . . kaya suporta lang.

Anyway, kinorner ko si Claude at pinilit na ipasok sa conversation si Prince habang pinagpupustahan namen kung ga’no ka-daks ang kadadaan lang na basketball player na jowa ng isang singarette.

Tinanong ko bigla kung gaano ka-daks si Prince.

Harsh! Pero yun lang ang nahanapan kong moment.

Naloka si Claude at tinaasan akez ng kilay.

"Are you asking that because you are interested or are you asking that because you want to know if Prince and I are having sex?"

Witchelles akez nakasagot agad.

"Average! Okay na. 5 and a half . . . . . . six. Something like that."

"So . . . . "

"Yah. Nagsesex kame. Paminsan-minsan."

"So. Ano kayo?"

"Friends. . . ."

"Fucking friends?"

"Parang ganon. No strings attached."

"Do you care for him?"

"Of course, like how I care for you."

"Pero hindi tayo nagse-sex."

"Of course not."

"Pag iniwan ba kita, iiyak ka?"

"You will not leave me."

"I can leave you."

"Hindi."

"Baket naman?"

"You need me. You can never leave me."

"O sige! Let's just say. I can leave you. Would you cry? Would you be devastated?"

"Of course. We've been friends for like forever."

"Pano pag iniwan ka naman ni Prince?"

Witchelles katulad ng inaakala ko, witchelles agad nakasagot si Claude.

"I'll be hurt."

Seryoso si Claude sa sagot niya. Witchelles ko ren inexpect na yonchienabelles ang itatalak niya.

Then he continued, "I like him, Bernz. I like him a lot. But I just can't be in a relationship. I don't know what we are. But we are not lovers."

Naguluhan naman ako don.

They're living together, nagdo-dookit sila, Claude cares for Prince, he likes him. He likes him a lot . . . . pero witchelles sila magjowa.

Handspring! Backflip! Then! Nosebleed!

Presenting Candidate no. 1 . . . .

2006-02-20T06:02:00.000-08:00

Nagising akez sa sobrang warlang tugtog na nanggagaleng sa sala. Sobrang kyoket ng ulo key hey hey hey! Pagbangon ever ko pa lang eh jumijikot-jikot pa ren ang paningin kez, ang sama ng sikmura key hey hey hey, at ang ngangabu ko naman e ang kyoho, ang after-taste ng horsey na nilaklak kez kagabu eh super felt ko pa.

Paglabas ko ng kwarto eh nasightchinabelles kez si Nick na mega-general cleaning sa saliw ng nakakalokang musikang "I am Pretty . . . . Oh So Pretty" ng West Side Story.

Pag-sight ko naman sa orasan e tumambling naman daw akez. Alas-kuwatro na ng hapon.

Chika sa 'ken ni Nick na super-bangengebelles daw akez 'nung madaling araw na halos gumagapang na akez na hinatid ni Rica. Para daw akong napoposess habang super shorwag ng uwak. Naka-orlog daw akez sa sahig ng sala with suka everywhere.

Eeeeeew. Kakaloka.

Ano nga bang nangyari nung nakaraang gabi?

Ganitez yata ang eksena: Hapon pa lang e maaga na akong sinundo ni Rica. Meron kaming niraket na debut somewhere sa Mandaluyong. Muntik ko pang mahada ang escort ng debutante. Super pa-cute naman. Lately eh parang napapansin kez na nagiging kilabot akez ng mga bagets ah. Hmmmmmmm. Biglang nagka-haves akez ng thought. Since si Nick naman eh kumakarir ng mga mas extremely maoonda pa sa 'ken eh baket naman kaya witchelles akez mangarir ng extemely makyotabelles din . . . . . hmmmmm . . . . mga 13 years old kaya? Laftir momentzzzz. Haggard!

After ng debut evur eh humabol kami ni Rica sa isang male beaucon sa Metro Bar sa Roxas Boulevard.

Nakakatuwa nga naman ang mga male beauty pageants. Ang press release eh parati daw itung wholesome, waing monkey business involved, no strings attached pero all the time eh makakasightchinabelles kez ng mga menchus na halos ibunubuyangyang na ang buong bortawan sa publiko para lang mag-winnie-the-pooh. Kaya nga sa tuwing may male beaucons eh parang nagpipiyesta ang sangkabaklaan. Witchelles naman sa labag ang loob ko sa mga ganitong eksena. Actually, wala nga itung katulad evur. Saan ka ba naman makakasightchinabelles ng sandamakmak na kalulukihang nagpapayummy to the maximum level hanggang sa todo na itoh!

Hayon lang, nagiti lang kami ng nagiti ni Rica sa kakasightsilauriat ng mga bakat-bakatang noches na yung iba eh sadyang pina-ergas para lang mabulag ang mga judgey dahil sa kadakilaan nila, kung panu yun pinapa-ergas eh malay ko na, at yung iba naman eh ineeffort talaga ang pag gamit ng labakara on the loose. Hahaha. Laftir moments.

Ending eh nagsawa kame sa paglalaway sa mga well-chiselled bodies, beautiful faces and bad english. Even though, learn na learn ko naman deep inside na may dalawang uri lang ng beaukonero, it's either bakla itu o namamakla.

Actually muntik na ren ako magkajowa ng isang beaukonero . . . . si Mark Anthony. Forty-eight years na yon. Bagets pa akey hey hey hey. Sakit sa ulo. Pag nagkajowa ka ng beaukonero eh manager ka na nga . . . . . sex slave ka pa! Hahahaha. Yung bakla talaga yung naging sex slave di ba? Echoz lang. Well, witchelles din kami nag-ending-so-happy-together dahil kelangan mahaba-haba ang pisi mo. Eh sorry. Mahirap lang ako noh.

Ganun lang naman talaga ang buhay. It's a fag eat fag world.

And speaking of eating, parang bet ko namang kainin si Candidate Number 6 'nung gabing iyonchinabelles. Kakaloka. Si Lucky! As in Lucky siguro ang sinumang makatikim sa kanya. Hahaha. Ginawa talagang ulam ang luluki? Witchelles ko naman na siguro kasalanan kung magnasa akey hey hey hey da 'vah? Tao lang din ako. May puso at damdamin . . . . . may mga karnal na pangangailangan. At sinung bakla ba naman ang witchelles magnanasa eh kung sa tuwing lumalabas si Candidate No. 6 eh parang galit na galit ang junjun niya na parang parating may sabong na lalabanan. Naka-attack mode na parang pagsinampal ka nitu sa fezlack eh para kang sigurong hinampas ever ng PVC pipe. Otso haba-singko bilog. Hahahaha.

Long-hair itung menchus na itu. Panalo ang shortawan, mataray ang pecs, medyo witchelles lang kumpleto ang abs, pero keri na . . . . flat kung flat pa rin itu. Parang mga kapatagan sa central luzon. Pero ang nakakatumbling talaga sa lahat ng nakakatumbling eh ang full na full na juwetrax na nakakapagpa-full-throtle talaga. Para naman itung mga chocolate hills sa bohol. Parang ang sarap-sarap panggigilan at pisil-pisilin. At para ding mga chocolates, masarap diladilaan at paglawayan. Eh yun e kung walang bitter chocolate na involved ha. Hahahaha. Dirty! Laftir momentz!

Witchelles ko learn kung truelili ba ang nafi-felt kez o nagpapaka-ilusyanada na naman akey hey hey hey, kasi naman sight siya ng sight sa 'ken. Tapos pag nagtatama na ang mga mata namen eh bigla niyang ilalabas ang dila niya ever at mag-we-wet ng lips . . . . at habang nagwe-wet naman siya ng lips eh nagwe-wet na rin ang labia minora at labia majora key hey hey hey. Sa mga momentz na iyonchie eh parang bet ko namang shumoyo at sumigaw ng "Lucky, LAHIAN MO NAMAN AKO!!!!"

Bigla tuloy akez napa-isip. Anu kaya ang motivation ng mga beaukonerong itu at napaparampa sila ng ganoonchie? Maliwanag na raket lang ba itu sa kanila? Sa isang beaukon eh mahina ang 20 contestants, eh kung talagang hottest ka naman eh why not? Pero witchelles din maiiwasan na maging cooking-with-the-dazas ang contest. Panu naman kapag luz valdez, jujuwelya na lang ba sila ng luhaan? Yung iba naman ba kaya eh for self-gratification lang? Do they just want to feel good about themselves? Aminin naman naten noh. May mga menchus (or pamenchus) talagang may literal na spotlight syndrome. Bet nilang wina-watch siletchie, tinitilian, pinaglalawayan ang avratheng habang ampa galore sa stageium with the spotlight and avratheng!

Should I feel bad about those na napipilitan lang?

Hmmmmmmmm . . . . . . .

WITCHELLES!!!!

Echoz.

Ewan ko. Di ko learn kung dapat ba akong ma-sad.

Pero kung si Lucky eh napipilitan lang eh hahanguin ko siya sa masalimuot na mundo ng beaukon at bibigyan ng bagong buhay! Dahil mahal ko na siya!!! Echoz! Full-sponsorship ba itu? Eh kung umeerna naman akez ng andalucia eh why not?

Sa kalagitnaan ng contest eh naloka na lang kami ni Rica nang may nag-appear sa table namen. Si Mama Ricky. With all the winter collection and the Burberry na scarf on the side. Super smile si Mama Ricky? At super ask kung kaniney pa kame. Chika niya, yung jowa daw niya eh nasa contest.

Mega-ask naman akez kung anung numbererette.

Sabay talak niyang: NUMBER 6.

Tumbling.

"Yun yung jowa mo?"

"Tru!!!"

"Siya pa ren ba yung jowa mo since 'nung nag-birthday ka?"

"Tru!!! 'Di mo nakilala?"

Witchelles ko talaga nakilala. Harsh! At pinagnasaan ko pa daw da 'vah? Siya yung nakakalokang jowa ni Mama Ricky na nahuli ko sa mismong birthday ni Mama Ricky na nagpapahada sa ibang tukling.

Harsh!

Talak na lang akez ng, "Powerful naman pala niya sa stage."

In fairness, nakakabulag nga naman ang emyas at pag natutukan ka na ng lights galore eh instant dyoza ang features mo.

Super clap galore si Mama Ricky sa tuwing umeenter si Lucky. Proud na proud ang lola ko. Kinabog pa ang mudra kong the mother of all stage mothers.

Ending eh nag second runner up lang si Lucky. Nag-title yung isang pa-menchus na pag sa malapitan eh ka-fezlack ni Rachelle Lobangco. Keri naman yon at at least witchelles naman thank you girl ang jowa ni Mama Ricky.

Super treat lang si Mama Ricky. Jumoin na ren sa 'men si Lucky and some candidates. So bumaha ng horsey 'nung gabing yon. Horsey at horsey talaga ang labanan. Wai naman akez choice, maski walang kaglamore-glamore eh super nabubuyaers naman akey magmaselan pa, puro barako ba naman ang kajoint-forces namen e. Pero super tumatambling talaga akey pag horsey ang dinidrinkaloo kez. Kung minsan e nawawala akez sa sariling katinuan.

Naalala pa akez ni Lucky as yung friend ni Mama Ricky 'nung birthday niya (read: yung tukling na nakahuli sa kanya habang pinapabubo niya ang noches niya). Super smile lang akez, pinakilala niya din sa 'men yung ibang mga candidates na friendiva niya. Tahimek na lang akez, kunwari e witchelles ko naalala ang kachervahan niya almost a month ago.

Chikahan galore, nomuhan galore. Hindi kez pinapansin si Lucky pero nafi-felt kez na panay panay naman yata ang pagtitig niya sa 'ken. Pate si Rica eh nakahalata.

Nung nasa CR kame:

RICA: Bakla ka! Do you still have to make karir na jowa of Mama Ricky?

BERNZ: Ha?

RICA: I can see your tinginan ha.

BERNZ: Hindi noh. Siya lang ang tumitingin sa 'ken. Ewan ko ba? Mukha ba akong mayaman? Di naman di ba?

RICA: Hay naku ateh! Bahala ka dyan.

Jiniwan akez ni Rica at pag-isquierda niya eh siya namang enter-the-dragon ng menchus na may mala-dragon na noches.

Super-jihi si Lucky sa urinal sa tabi ng jinihian kez. In fairnezz, baket noon eh witchelles ko naman naapreciate ang pagiging hottest niya? Siguro masyado lang akong involved sa thought ni "You Know Who" nung mga time na yon.

Hindi ko sinasadya pero parang may sariling buhay ang mga mata kez at napa-sight na lang bigla sa noches ni Lucky.

Sa tingin pa lang eh parang nabibilaukan na ko.

Nasight ko na lang na nakasight din siya sa 'ken.

Smile lang siya. Smile lang din ako.

Sight lang kame sa isa't isa. At napansin kong postcard na pala siyang magjingble bells pero nakatiwangwang pa ren ang nota niyang parang unti-unting nag-i-standing ovation na parang may flag ceremony.

Witchelles ko kinaya ang eksena. Shumorlikod na akey hey hey at nagwash ng hands. Pinagpapawisan talaga akez ng malapot at parang binabad sa sukang paumbong ang fezlack kez sa putla.

Umisquierda na ren akey hey hey hey, witchelles ko talaga 'yon kinaya.

Naloka talaga akez that momentz kaya super nomu na lang ang drama ko. Tinabihan ako ni Lucky at may mga momentz na maski kinakausap at nilalandi siya ni Ricky eh ginegetching niya ang kamay ko at shinoshotong sa notralba niyang hindi magkamayaw sa pagkaergas.

Witchelles ko yata keri ang ganoong eksena. Maliwanag na number 2 ang drama ko.

Bago kami umalis eh ginetching niya ang nyelpie ko at nilagay niya sa ilalim ng table at super sight naman akey. Nilagay niya ang numberette niya at sabay bulong ng: TEXT MO KO.

Witchelles ko talaga learn kung anechiwa ang eksena ni Lucky. Kung bet lang ba niyang magpahada o bet na niya ng bagong sponsor?

Kung hada lang ba eh why not? Pero andaming namang ibang baklang witchelles konektado kay Ricky noh! At ang dami din namang menchus na keri kong hadahin na witchelles din konektado kay Mamah! Imbyerna!

Sa eksenang sponsorship eh negative akey don. Unang-una, I'm still young. Hindi ko pa kelangang maglustay ng salapi para lang sa mga menchus. Pangalawa, kapwa ko mahal ko. Witchelles na tunay na lalake ang hanap ko. Bakla din ang hanap ko.

Magulo pero ganoon talaga.

May mga badinggerzie na ang bet e "straight" na menchus. Even though na naniniwala akong ang sinumang menchus na nagpakarir sa bakla e bakla na ren. Pero tawagin natin silang "straight" for majority's sake. Truth by majority ika nga.

Pero akez, wittelles! Lumampas na akey hey hey sa stage ng kabaklaan na feeling kez talaga eh babae ako at lalake talaga ang hanap ko. Witchelles na kasi nagwo-work ang ganoon para sa 'ken. Andaming factors na involved. For me, the reality is pag bading ka . . . . . mas mabuting bading din ang magiging jowa mo.

Parang self-preservation na ren itez ng mga bading kaya nag-eevolve ang kabaklaan from extremely pa-girl to extremely paminta, nagkaroon ng variety, nabasag ang stereotype para witchelles na maghanap ng future sa mga "straight" na gagamitin ka lang at sasaktan ka lang, in the end e iiwan ka ren at sasama sa may legitimate na matres.

It is always about the quest for "true love".

Pero depende pa ren itu sa tao. Depende pa ren itu sa bakla. Nasight ko naman na parang wagas ang pagmamahal ni Mama Ricky kay Lucky. Kahit na may angking kakatihan si Lucky, kahit na may sponsorship na involved. Eh kung ganon talaga magmahal si Mama Ricky e. Wai na tayong magagawa.

Siguro, it all goes down to: "Who do we desire?"

I may think that love is an outdated concept. On the other hand, Mama Ricky celebrates his martyrdom in its name.

At ayaw kong masira yon.

That's all. Thank you.

HETO NA!!!!! SHEEEEEEET!!! TODO NA ITUUU!!!!

2006-02-17T05:45:00.000-08:00

Before anything else ha.

Teka. Teka. Teka.

I just like to greet myself. I hope I'm doing fine. Echoz!

MY GREETINGS TO ALL THE READERS OUT THERE WHO ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT. (Ang dramaaaaa)

Thank you for the encouragements and you are making THIRD SEX IN THE CITY alert, alive, awake and enthusiastic.

Especially si Chartreuse (tama ba ispelling) at ang jowa niyang menthol (mga hetero itu) na nagbabasa all the way from Dubai!!!!

Mahal ko ang mga taga DUBAI!!! Wahahahah. Isponsoran nyo ang trip ko paatak dyan ha!!!!!

At ang mga taga WEST COAST, mga taga CALIFORNIA, SEATTLE AT PORTLAND . . . . Akala nyo di ko learn noh!!! Laftir! Especially RAVEN, mabuhay ka dahleng!!!!

At ang kumare ko sa CALIFORNIA, si ICARUS.

At ang kumare ko sa SINGAPORE, si XZOOOMING.

Okay. POSTCARD NA ANG KAECHOSAN!!!

THIS IS A SPECIAL POST BECAUSE FINALLY, KUNG SHOGOD NA KAYEZ MAG-BASA eh keri nyo nang mag-may-I-listen na lang kay BADINGGERZIE.

INSTALLMENT BASIS itu at sisimulan ko sa pinaka-super-first na entry ko sa SEASON ONE.

This gift is long-over-due.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'm proud to present the AUDIO VERSION OF THIRD SEX IN THE CITY by BERNADETTE

DOWNLOAD THE FILE (libre lang itu mga nini!)

to download Third Sex in the City Audio Episode 1
CLICK HERE

I hope you like it.

Mwahhhhh.

MAHAL KO KAYOOOONG LAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!

If you are having problems with downloading the file, just close your eyes and pray. Echoz! Email nyo ko and I can send the .mp3 file through email. Mwah